Saturday, May 27, 2017

2502. Sleepy town down south

The citizens in Tishomingo
For excitement go out and play bingo
And when that proves a bore
They go off to the store
For the latest recording by Ringo.

Pop. 3,075 and home to Murray Junior College.  Students enjoy claiming that they go to MIT -- Murray in Tishomingo.

Friday, May 26, 2017

2501. Thought I'd pull out an old joke, too

A horny young man from The Village
Takes out ignorant dates whom he'll pillage
He uses no condom
Safe sex seems beyond 'em
Pulls out pre-ejaculate spillage.

Pop. 9.4K
Q: What do sex and savings accounts have in common?
A: Early withdrawal causes loss of interest.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

OP425. I'm still here

I really don't mean to diss May
With the lack of a limerick display

You had seemed quite concerned
That my fortunes had turned
I assure you that I am okay.

Sorry.  I go into dry spells from time to time.  I really should be posting more here. Sometimes they come a little easier to me than other times.  I guess when I go weeks or months at a time without posting, it's natural to wonder what happened.

Congrats on 2500 limericks, by the way!

2500. Onan up to it

A few months after turning pubescent
A lad learned to jack off in Crescent
He would do it at home
Mesmerized by the foam
Which shot forth in a wad effervescent.

Pop. 3,674

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

2499. The Cometh

The B.A.* lawmaker, Mike Ritze,
Has a bill which gives true Christians fitze.
He would create a panic,
Collect kids Hispanic
From schools to deport, what a ditz
* Initials for Broken Arrow -- Tulsa's largest suburb (107K)

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

2498. The decrescendo method

i.e., she hopes loud leads to soft.
Out of birth control pills in Comanche
Mid-fuck, one girl screams like a banshee
In the midst of her sin
'Fore the guy pulls the pin
She can make him deflate fast (or can she?)

Pop. 1,423

Monday, May 22, 2017

2497. 5-22-17 AWAD

It means cozy; pleasant; friendly. 
When the USSR launched its Sputnik
It destroyed any chance for gemutlich
Between Khruschev and Ike
And his V.P. alike
Who proved later to be no astute Dick.

That would be Richard Nixon.

2496. Segregation by preference

The once-thriving town known as Boley
Was founded by black people solely
Who'd been slaves to the Creek
Tribe and made to be meek
Their treatment was wholly unholy.

Pop. 1,233 and still 55% African-American.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

2495. A peer from a seer

Should you move to the small town of Coalgate
I will bet I can tell you your whole fate
You will not find a job,

Be depressed and you'll sob,
Also have trouble finding a soul mate.

Pop. 1,931, with high unemployment.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

2494. FAR, not near, rhymes

This blog's gained a reader from Estevan
It's in very far southern "Saskatchevan"
Keep coming to visit!
It makes me inquisit-
ive; Swift Current Dave, where's the rest of 'em?

Yeah, I know those rhymes suck.  Improvements welcomed!

Friday, May 19, 2017

2493. AKA round pound

A circle-jerk entrant in Drumright
Shot sideways; he just couldn't cum right.
Guy to left (wiping splatter),
"I see what's the matter,
You fool, you're not holdin' yer thumb right!"

Pop. 2,831

Thursday, May 18, 2017

2492. It does not compute

PC wouldn't 'wake' down in Idabel
So I shook it and thumped, even tried a yell
But no lights would come on
All my data was gone!
I wonder how is it I fried a Dell?

Pop. 7K

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

2491. Suppose he ever Asta if he could?

In the panhandle town, Boise City,
Lived a youngster whose toys were all shitty
At the movies it seemed
That he quite often dreamed
About sucking on Myrna Loy's titty.

Pop. 1,266

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

2490. Mid-state mendicant

There's a destitute bum down in Chandler
As a kid, he once had fever gland'lar
Guess it took his ambition
A job's not his mission
Instead he is just a panhandler.

Pop. 3,245

Monday, May 15, 2017

2489. Girls know not tumesce with him

A teenager born in Coweta
Cannot screw Nancy, Jane, or Lolita,
Due to one major thang --
"He's" transgendered.  His whang
Just stays flaccid 'cause it's a faux petah.

Pop. 9,559.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

OP424. Happy Mother's Day, ladies!

Hey, you mothers! You know what you've done
To become a mum (not quite a nun)
What a time that you've had
To enjoy being bad
But it's true that the dad had more fun!

Not sure how many 'mothers' frequent this site, or ladies, for that matter, but I think they all should! Reading limericks is a genderless source of fun; writing them, a genderless art! So give her the gift of a 'free subscription' to The Limericist, a site for sore eyes! She'll be thrilled! (I should know... I'm a woman!)

Ed. note:  It's also a site for sore thighs but regardless, Suz, I like your site-sight pun.

2488. Tough town

The criminals living in Sand Springs
Pay little attention to banned things
They trespass and speed
Some cook meth or smoke weed
Others undress and do public hand springs.

Pop. 19,783

Saturday, May 13, 2017

2487. Beggs the question, "Which girls?"

In the bucolic village of Beggs
Guys oft polish off kegs to the dregs
If they don't get too drunk
They enjoy spilling spunk
From their pegs stuck between a girl's legs.

Pop. 1,247

Friday, May 12, 2017

2486. Putting the fun in fundamentalist

The OKC suburb, Warr Acres,
Has a whole lot of Satan forsakers
They forgo too much sinning,
Spend time at soul-winning
Too bad they don't get many takers.

Pop. 10,229.  Denizens are represented by US Rep. Ernest Istook & State Rep. Sally "the homophobe" Kern.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

2485. Mouthy bitch

A hooker in small, dusty Cashion
Was known far and wide for tongue lashin'
No, not "chewin' your ass",
She did "suckin' with sass"
And made sure that each john got a ration.

Pop. 847.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

2484. 5-9-17 AWAD

While boating upon a small runnel
I spotted a tornado funnel!
Had no time to abort --
The craft listed to port
And the water rushed in o'er the gunwale.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

2482-2483. How many more straws 'til the last?

Today DJT fired Comey
Don's totally mad, perhaps foamy
At the mouth.  I beseech
The damned House to impeach
Before brain and small hands get more roamy.

Has there ever been anyone zania?
Are you fully fed up?  Does he pain 'ya?
I'm totally sated,
God never created
An ass with more megalomania.

2481. Run? I'll pass.

Troy Aikman's hometown, Henryetta,
Made that boy follow rules to the letta
Began college (OU)
Broke his leg, switched to U.
C.L.A where he played even betta.

Pop. 5,927. After Aikman broke his leg in the 4th game of the 1985 season, OU coach Barry Switzer reverted to the Wishbone offense and won that year's Nat'l. Championship.  Troy transferred & starred as a passer during his two years at UCLA (and in the pros.)

Monday, May 8, 2017

2480. Witness stand and de liver

A drunken judge out west in Shattuck
Began to have troubles hepatic
He said, "If it please
The court, I have DT's,
You may find my decisions erratic."

Pop. 1,385.  Uck... those rhymes were icky.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

2479. Was the picture grainy? On rice paper?

There once was a weird man in Poteau
Who stuffed his wife's cunt with risotto
He then sucked it out
While his friend sneaked about,
Attempting to take a great photo.

Pop. 8,732

Friday, May 5, 2017

2478. Broken Bad

A meth cook in small Eldorado
Would squeeze the stuff like it were Play-Doh™
When one batch blew up
The result was abrup'
Damage worse than an F5 tornado.

Pop. 435.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

2477. Giving a hand

Back to Okie towns for a few days...
A poor armless fellow from Boynton
Would use his erections for pointin'
If a girl wandered by
And had pity, oh my,
Ten hand strokes and she'd get an anointin'.

Pop. 246

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

2476. Steroid stupidity

A bulked-up weight lifter named Guido
Liked to strut down the beach in a Speedo
But no girl could he please
'Cause the banned PED's
That he'd taken had killed his libido.

2475. Craigslist tryst

A gay couple down in Las Cruces
Advertises for Percys and Bruces
When e'er they find a pair
Altogether they share
In rump riding, fellatio, and gooses.

2474. What a swell performance

A bulimic stripteaser named Birgid
At least three times daily regurg-ed
It kept her so lithe
That when she would writhe
The men in attendance grew turgid.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

2470-2473. Down, but not out

On yesterday morn I said, "Shoot!"
When my trusty(?) laptop went kaput
Took it in for repairs,
Man did not ease my cares
Saying, "This may cost lots of your loot."

What's worse, he said, "3 or 4 days."
And I have not employment which pays
Me, so soon as he said it
I knew that my credit
Card's balance will raise my malaise.

I suppose I could post by smart phone
But the keypad's so small, makes me groan
While it's OK for reading
Email, I'm conceding
I'm using a PC "on loan."

Yes, I've come to my local library
For a couple of hours here I'll tarry
But they're closed on Sunday
No more posts 'til Monday
So Suz and Dave, please here "make merry."

Friday, April 28, 2017

2469. How do you do 'er?

A desiccate woman in Dewar
Found her dates growing fewer and fewer
Her chances went dim
When men learned that her quim
Had closed up; they no longer could screw 'er.

Pop. 871

Thursday, April 27, 2017

2468. Why the long "i"?

A grocery shopper in Shidler
Spends much of her time as an idler
She's put lots of weight on
So cannot walk straight on
Down aisles; people call her "The Sidler."

Pop. 439.  The "i" is long 'cause that's how the man said it.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

OP423. King of Garvin Marred Ins (and Outs)

An Italian man living in Wynnewood
Had a passion for love -- any guinea would.
     But this would-be Don Juan
     Garnered giggle or yawn
Once a gal glimpsed his limp, mini, skinny wood.

This Garvin County town counted 2212 souls in the 2010 Census.
Ed. note: Poster OkieJokey wrote this but forgot his password.

2467. Anus and handy

O'Doul, a persuasive galoot,
Had a lady friend out in Canute
When her pussy was dry
He convinced her to try
His old cock up her filthy poop chute.

Pop. 541

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

2466. Mostly male visitors

A cook with no talent named Janna
Runs the only cafe found in Hanna
Her chicken and biscuits
Are drier than Triscuits™
Men come back 'cause she looks like Vanna.

Pop. 140

Monday, April 24, 2017

2465. Aaaargh

Those of you who subscribe to A.Word.A.Day know about some of the AWFUL limericks which are chosen for display by webmaster Anu Garg (who obviously lacks the scansion and rhyming genes.)

Joan Perrin used to be one of the worst offenders but has now been supplanted by 3-4 other bards who are even worse!  Still, when I saw this week (scroll nearly to the bottom of that link) that Garg had chosen to print three(!) of Joan's, I couldn't resist writing this:

There once was a poet(?) named Perrin, Joan
Her stories and complete lack of rhythm made everyone groan
Except for a guy named Anu
Who, I am guessing, Joan several times blew
Do you think if I asked he might give me the number for her phone?

2464. Overnight package

A well-endowed bastard in Blackwell
Wore nylon briefs which he did pack well
And his stock in trade
Was to take a young maid
To the local motel where they'd shack well.

Pop. 6,875

Sunday, April 23, 2017

2463. Allow me to rune your day

There's a hateful shrew-wife down in Heavener
Her husband thinks often of leavin' 'er.
But he has no spine,
Taking each gripe and whine,
For he can't bear the thought of aggrievin' 'er.

Pop. 3,422 and site of a possible Viking rune.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

2462. Skank's souvenir.

Went out with a woman from Dibble
Who told me her first name was Sybil
She'd just one persona
But caused me to moan.  A
Bad case of the clap made me dribble.

Pop. 807.

Friday, April 21, 2017

2461. Marginally less painful?

A handsome young fellow in Asher
Is reputed to be quite a masher
When a date won't put out
He does much more than pout
If she's lucky, he'll thrash 'er, not bash 'er.

Pop. 393.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

2460. Usually a man's problem

There's a long-suff'ring husband in Verdigris
And I wonder if you've ever heard o' this...
His wife has some plumbing
That's troubled by gumming
He wastes much time waiting for her t' piss.

Pop. 4,351.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

2459. Limited options

A queer in the town of Cheyenne
Is quite a pornography fan
The town is so small
He gets no dates at all
Must vicariously view man-on-man.

Pop. 815.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

2458. Profit from "The Prophet"

A journalist born in Cyril
Got his Master's degree from Medill.
For his thesis, took on
Poetry by Gibran
(The one whose first name was Kahlil.)

Pop. 1,053.

Monday, April 17, 2017

2457. Volcanic Vagina

There once was a woman named Vera
Who lived in the town of Calera
Beneath her pube patch
Lay her simmering snatch
Twice as hot as a smoking caldera.

Pop. 2,234.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

2456. Sooner songbird

Carrie Underwood hails from Checotah
And she loves eating figs called Kadota
But when it comes to dates
Her hometown hardly rates,
It's too small for a concert tour's rota.

Pop. 3,371.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

2455. What a spectacle

A near-sighted guy from Manasses
Had a whore give him cunt-lapping classes
She sat in a spot
Had him squat, tongue to twat,
But then crossed her legs, breaking his glasses.

Friday, April 14, 2017

2454. Sarin dip

Sean Spicer again made the news
His ghastly remarks brought on boos.
Said, "Adolph took a pass
Just Assad used the gas."
Tell that to six million dead Jews.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

2453. Moaning Lisa

A woman who frequents The Louvre
Buys objets d'art which don't behouvre
Her.  These souvenirs Gallic
Are always shaped phallic
And thrust in and out of her grouvre.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

2452. Gates to the city

When Oprah and Gayle went to Edmond
That booming town also got Steadman'd
If the richest man came
I'll bet you'd know his name
He's from Washington state, up near Redmond.

Pop. 90K

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

2451. Gun but not forgotten

Ms. Shay, a fellatrix from Chickasha,
Was killed by a bullet's crazed ricochet
What a shame for those young
Who'd not yet felt her tongue,
Now they'll never experience lick o' Shay.

Pop. 16.5K.

Monday, April 10, 2017

2450. Jimmy Choo will doo, too

The classiest gal in Pauls Valley
Loves shopping and she likes to sally
Forth to Gay Paree
Where she just has to see
All the latest shoe models from Bally.

Pop. 6,150

Sunday, April 9, 2017

2449. Bag from the boondocks

A nasty old whore from Bugtussle
Would wear an old-timey snug bussle.
Made her dress look like hell
But it held down the smell
Which escaped from her putrid hug muscle.

Pop. about 100 and once home to Speaker of the House Carl Albert.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

2448. Why's she slingin' hash?

There once was a man from Sapulpa
Drank fresh orange juice all in one gulp.  A
Cafe served him some
Which had seeds, left him glum.
He complained, waitress said, "Mea culpa."

Pop. 20.5K

Friday, April 7, 2017

2447. My Monroe Doctrine

In the small, quiet village of Springer
Lives a girl who's a Marilyn dead-ringer!
I am hosting an orgy
My prick will engorgey

If you think she'll fuck I say, "Bring er!"
Pop. 708.  It's ten miles north of Ardmore.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

2446. The old college cry

A young college student, McGregor,
Was told by his girlfriend, "I'm pregger."
When he heard the news
It gave him the blues
So he went and got drunk at a kegger.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

PD296-299. Oldies but goodies

There was a young lady from Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light
        She went out one day
        In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who noticed her lovers were few
        So she walked out her door
        With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed - with the flu.

There was a young fellow named Hatch
Who was fond of the music of Bach
        He said: "It's not fussy
        Like Brahms and Debussy;
Sit down, and I'll play you a snatch."

There was a young belle of old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez
        When comment arose
        On the state of her clothes
She, drawled, "When ah itchez, ah scratchez."

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

2445. Gateway to Grand Lake

I learned to eat pussy in Grove
She wanted me to, so I strove
To not mind the smell
But I found it was swell,
She had scented her snapper with clove!

Pop. 6,623

Monday, April 3, 2017

2444. Strong brush (off) stroke

A nerdy art student in Fletcher
Aspired to become a skin sketcher
Asked the homecoming queen
To be in a nude scene
And they carried him off on a stretcher.

Pop. 1,170

Sunday, April 2, 2017

2443. Full of Joey

When fucking is graded in Stilwell
Young super-hung Joseph rates real well
A gal there named Marge
Has a twat that's so large
It requires Joey's pecker to fill well.

Pop. 4,017 and home of Stilwell Frozen Foods (great strawberries!)

Saturday, April 1, 2017

2442. Social (media) disease

A President ought to be stately,
Not tweeting, but acting sedately.
When Trump says things treasonous,
That's one big reason us
Democrats hate him so greatly.

OP419-422. It happened in 1959

This is a true story, folks. Don't believe me? Ask my mum!

When my sister (the eldest) was born,
From the birth my poor mother was worn.
Doctor spanked the babe's bum,
Checked her health, and then some --
Got returned to her mum the same morn.

When she lifted the blanket to feed her,
The feelings of shock did stampede her;
A boy was inside!
My poor mum almost died,
As the nurses had tried to mislead her.

The confusion and screams that would follow
Were much more than the woman could swallow.
The real babe they did bring
To which Momma did cling,
Their apologies ringing quite hollow.

Well, my mum and the nurses conversed,
Then in laughter together immersed;
Any punishment draped
On the nurses escaped
'Cause that day -- it was April the first!

Friday, March 31, 2017

2441. Wow, civic sagas

If you'd like a town's spelling that's rare, a
Good one you might start with is Harrah
Just like Ada, it's great
Because it, too, does rate
As a palindrome, but do you care, huh?

Pop. 5,095 (and note each word in my title...)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

2440. Clitical approach

An old cunnilinguist in Cache
Loves the taste, still performs with panache
He ate his first cunt
As a late-teen aged runt
And e'er since hasn't washed his mustache.

Pop. 2,906.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

2439. Cherokee chump change

There's a Hard Rock Hotel™ in Catoosa
With casino (the slots could be loosa)
When I go there and win
Gives my face a big grin
And I hum 'long to John Philip Sousa.

Pop. 7,151

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

2436-2438. Trashed by Trump

If in Beverly Hills, go to Spago
Try Bavette's Bar and Bœuf in Chicago
But for your non-food taste
I'd suggest, "Don't make haste
To see formerly fine Mar-a-Lago."

Built by Marjorie Merr'wether Post
(Who was rich but did not brag or boast.)
Now The Donald is struttin'
Down where E.F. Hutton
Joined Marge as a consummate host.

It's a playground for Trump and his cronies
To play golf and admire polo ponies
What they do in Palm Beach
Might be grounds to impeach
At a minimum, though, they're all phonies.

Ms. Post (middle name Merriwether) became the richest US woman after inheriting Post Cereals in 1914.  Her 2nd marriage in 1920 was to stock broker EF Hutton and together, they built Mar-a-Lago.  Their daughter, Nedenia, became actress Dina Merrill.

Monday, March 27, 2017

2435. Expensive turndown

If you're lookin' for poontang in Pryor
Good luck with Annette should you try 'er
Claimed she was a virgin
Talked me into splurgin'
On dinner, then had no desire.

Pop. 9,500  Real name is "Pryor Creek", but no one much says it.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

2434. Chickasaw Chuckle

Though it's tiny, don't make fun of Roff,
As you pass thru, your hat you should doff
I doubt that you care
That my dad grew up there
But 'twould please me if you wouldn't scoff.

Pop. 727.  Three miles NE of town is the entrance to Oklahoma's Chickasaw Turnpike.  It costs 55¢ to drive 13.3 miles of TWO-LANE ROAD!!  What were they thinking?

Saturday, March 25, 2017

2433. Horsin' around

A wide spot in the road named Vamoosa
Sports a guy who's a lollapaloosa
Its female pop'lation
Loves his copulation
He's hung like a damned appaloosa!

Pop. perhaps 50

Friday, March 24, 2017

2432. High plains HQ

The panhandle town known as Guymon
Does not lend itself much to rhymin'
So to make this one crass
I will add "tits" and "ass"
And then throw in a gal's busted hymen.

Pop. 11,442, it's about dead-center in the OK panhandle.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

2431. C'mon, all anon.

This blog has a reader from Italy 
My StatCounter™ spies him quite prettily 
Wish new readers would write
After finding this site
I'll just hope you're the Pope
(Walter Mittily.)
Other regular-but-unknown readers are from Portugal, Germany, and Mountain View, CA.  My email address is shown in the banner atop each page and I really do enjoy hearing from visitors.  Oh, and Walter Mitty was a Thurber character who daydreamed that he was various heroic characters.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

2430. SOL from no MMR

MMR vaccinates against measles-mumps-rubella.
A boy in the burg of Tecumseh
Came down with a case of the mumps.  He
had missed the vaccine
'Cause his parents were mean
Now his cheeks display gigantic lumps, see?

Pop. 6,457. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

2429. My turn!

A hooker who lived in Newcastle
Sometimes took on johns by the passel
Three at once could insert,
Others risked getting hurt;
To decide who was next, they would wrassle.

Pop. 7,685.  That's how 'wrestle' is said 'round here.

OP418. Oh, the nerve!

At a pool, where the D-cups are brimmin'
The men cannot focus on swimmin'
As they ogle each bust,
Something grows and they lust
Behind speedos, disgusting the women.

Suz, here's a follow-up from your host, The Limericist:
A burka's not meant to be slimmin'
When worn, men's libidos start dimmin'
Whether A-cup or D
Men do not get to see.
(Suzanne's lim'rick can't take place in Yemen.)

Monday, March 20, 2017

2428. So long, solon

Oklahoma State Senator Shortey,
Decided that he'd get cavortey.

A boy 'pro' and some pot
Led to Ralph's getting caught,
Also charged with committing a tortey. 

What a hypocrite!  <---- Click to read.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

2427. A chance Vance romance

A philanderer living in Enid
Took a Major's wife out, where he lean-ed
On her in a motel
She promised to "no tell"
But must have, for he's been subpoenaed.

Pop. 51.7K, it is Oklahoma's 9th largest city and home to Vance AFB.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

2426. Sidewall slasher

A malicious young punk down in Marlow
Likes to puncture folks' tires with a Barlow
Knife with a sharp point;
He belongs in 'the joint'
Where they'll teach him to not make a car low.

Pop. 4,662

Friday, March 17, 2017

2425. Drinking and thriving

There's a nasty old rascal in Glenpool
With a freezer for keeping his gin cool
And when he gets tight
He goes out for the night
And fucks whom he can with his sin tool.

Pop. 13K.  Site of a huge 1905 oil boom.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

2424. Gateway to Red Rock Canyon

 A town off I-40 named Hinton
Is thirty-eight miles east of Clinton
It's the start of the west,
If you don't wear your best
Pair of sunglasses, you'll wind up squintin'.

Pop. 2,450. Lots of copperheads in that state park!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

2423. Or are you just happy to see me?

A drag queen who frolicked in Calais
Was rich; had a personal valet
Who would dress him in Wang
But it still showed his whang;
This created a stir at the ballet.

Alt. title of Pas de (howdy) deux...

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

2422. Let's challah rabbi to join us

There are not many Jews up in Alva
To eat kugel and latkes and halvah
But whenever they nosh
They do it real posh
Snacks are served on a fine sterling salver.

Pop. 4,900.  Apologies for the near rhyme to end L5.

Monday, March 13, 2017

2421. You won't get bitten

There's a 10 dollar hooker in Choctaw
Who does not think it sinful to mock law
Though she doesn't do oral
Do not think her moral
She would if she could, but has lockjaw.

Pop. 11,100

Sunday, March 12, 2017

2420. 'Burb to Tulsa's south

I know an old fellow named Rigsby
From the farming community, Bixby.
When not tending his crop
He'll be found throwing slop
In the small enclosed pen where the pigs be.
Pop. 21K. EVERYBODY 'round here says it "Bigsbee."  I suppose that means that we are "higs", not hicks.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

2419. Cream dreams

In the fairly large town, Ponca City,
Boys would love seeing Ivanka titty
Likelihood of that day
Is the same I would say
As a Kate Upton quick bonk (a pity.)

Pop. 25K, and HQ of Conoco until 2002.

Friday, March 10, 2017

2418. He's the tight end

A high school cheerleader from Sayre
Had the hots for her team's premier player
When she tried to get near
He said, "Honey, I'm queer"
A pronouncement that sure did dismay 'er.

Pop. 4,600

Thursday, March 9, 2017

2417. Good thinkin', Mencken

Ecdysiasts living in Claremore
Can hardly make customers stare more
But when they strip to G-strings
And pasties on bee stings
Of nipples, men hope they will dare more.

Pop. 19K.  Mencken coined ecdysiast to describe Gypsy Rose Lee.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

OP416-417. A treat you can't eat

When it's done, or complete, or is whole
Is it comical, funny, or droll?
You decide, or you choose
With opinions, or views
If you'll praise, or applaud, or extol

My objective, or endgame, or goal
Is to give, or deliver, or dole
And I think, or believe
What you'll get, or receive
Is each line as a synonym roll.

Except the last one, of course.

2416. Trump-eting

Hey, Don, we un-humbly beseech
You to stop with the bombastic speech.
Incessantly tweeting
Will lead to a beating
Please, Congress, begin to impeach.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

2415. Gridiron grandeur

In the small Tulsa suburb of Jenks
Are no roller nor ice-skating rinks
But their school system's tops
Football team rarely flops
It's a great town to live in methinks.

Pop. 21K.  From 2004 thru 2016 the HS football team's record was 144-19 with 3 state championships.  From 1993 thru 2003 they won 8 state championships!

Monday, March 6, 2017

2414. Evidently I gypsum women

I dated a girl from Watonga
So pretty I said, "Cowabonga!"
She crawled into my bed,
When I undressed she said,
"I was hoping you'd be a bit longa."

Pop. 2,986, and home to a large gypsum quarry.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

2413. Two ACLs = Zero NFLs

Jason White, Heisman winner from Tuttle,
Had his NFL hopes get the scuttle
Some thought he was shafted
When he wasn't drafted
But I think his best job's to buttle.

Tuttle, just SW of OKC, has pop. 6,500.  While QB White's both-operated-on knees led to his being overlooked by the pros, he also isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

2412. I'd give her a 6 (inches)

For fun in the small town of Seminole
People go outside town to the swimmin' hole
Braver folks skinny dip;
When gals do a back flip
The guys hope that they might see some women hole.

Pop. 7,400

Friday, March 3, 2017

2411. He auto extend some credit

The woman was poor and grew tenser
When the grease monkey tried to convince 'er,
"Ma'am, your car will not run
If you don't spend the mon
To replace the points, plugs, and condenser."

My first car was a used '64 VW Beetle.  This was 1967 and I recall that tune-ups required those three items.  The cost, incl. labor, was $25.  With electronic ignition systems now the standard, are any cars still made that need points and a condenser?

Thursday, March 2, 2017

2410. The Spanish-American Whore

In the small Okie town of Vinita
Lives a virginal young señorita
Although she won't chinga
Licks cocks with her lengua
She's known as the town's "señor eatah.
Pop. 5,500

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

2409. Dr. Jekyll with nary a heckle

I expected a speech full of spite
One damning the left from the right
But his manner was civil
With not too much drivel
Who WAS that on TV last night?

2408. Stridently strait-laced

If you break the law in Broken Arrow
You will need a guy like Clarence Darrow
To defend you, for they
Have police (I hear say)
Who can cause you to sing like a sparrow.

Pop. 106K.  Violent crime in US is 3.73/1000 residents.  BA's is 1.42.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

2407. She's asexual being

No matter how loudly that you rant
Or beg, there's no way you'll make Sue pant.
Besides being frigid
Her morals are rigid
She'll never be fucked down in Durant.

Pop. 17K.  Most Okies accent the 2nd syl. but a few stress the 'Du.'  They probably also say POlice, DEfense, CEment, and INsurance...
You'll find it pronounced 'properly' in #2226

Monday, February 27, 2017

2406. Not written on a dare

If you speed in the small town of Adair
And get stopped by a cop who says, "Hey, dere."
Don't give him no lip
Or you'll go on a trip
To the jail, where you'll pay or you'll stay dere.

Pop. 800.  Not sure why the first syllable gets the accent.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

2405. Inuit before you told me

The Pacific Northwest has its totem poles
And the native folk there say, "No votem polls."
When it comes to the squaws
They're too busy, can't pause,
While the men stay at home stroking scrotum poles.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

2404. Letter perfect

A wide spot in the road, IXL,
Is pronounced as three letters.  I tell
You so when you drive through
You'll know just what to do;
Roll your window down, yell, "I excel!!"

Pop. c. 50.  Read all about it by clicking its name.

Friday, February 24, 2017

2403. Making Ludwig proud

There's a string group I think you should know
Better yet, they're in town -- you should go!
When it comes to the lit
Which for quartets was writ
None can play better than The Miró!

They are playing all 16 of Beethoven's string quartets in six concerts over nine days.  Phenomenally good!

2402. Rural plural sounds

While driving the rough streets of Hollis
My friend and I heard two girls call us
The town's hardly urban
So it was disturbin'
To hear them shout, "Hey, wanna ball us?"

Hollis, OK.  Pop. about 1,900.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

2401. Thirteen since the 1890s!

Tornados have oft ripped the core
From this OKC suburb of lore
If you go on a tour
Do not say it like "moor"
Or they'll think you're a snob there in Moore.

Pop. around 60K.  Click this to learn.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

2400. Shouldn't shoot in that chute

There's a girl in the village of Wagoner
And each horny farm boy enjoys taggin' 'er
That is, 'til their cocks
Need a trip to the doc's
Then they think about shotguns and baggin' 'er.

Another Oklahoma town, pop. 8,700.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

2399. Call the Webbmaster

The alt-right's big hero, Steve Bannon,
Has dastardly deeds which he's plannin'
To loose on us all.
It's time we gave a call
To Joe Friday and Officer Gannon.

Jack Webb played Sgt. Friday on TV's 50s-60s police drama, Dragnet.

Monday, February 20, 2017

OP415. Trois, compagnie (Three's company)

I'm not fluent enough to be what you'd consider bilingual, but I had the rhymes and basic storyline I wanted on my own.  Got some translation help from Google to tie up any loose ends.  This is one of those experiments I wanted to try once to see if I could.

Quand dit un homme nommé François
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"
Elle a dit, "Mon ami
Peut rejoindre aussi?"
Ils avaient donc un ménage a trois.

The English version doesn't scan as a limerick: 

When said a man named Francois,
"Do you want to sleep with me?"
She said, "My friend
Can join too?"
So they had a threesome.

2398. Gettin' friendly

A top at the Castro Street "Y"
Did a prissy young fellow espy
From behind he said, "Yum!
Where's your tasty ass from?"
The twink turned and said gaily, "Ojai!"

Vetted and modernized by my gay SF friend, Robin.  He informed me that aggressives are now called 'tops' (not bulls) and that passives are 'bottoms' or 'twinks' (not nancies.)

Sunday, February 19, 2017

2397. Not to mention 'obscene'

Trump is arrogant, rude, and quite mean
I'm convinced he is sick in his bean
The press loudly decried
Chaos.  Donald denied

with, "We run like a fine-tuned machine!"

Saturday, February 18, 2017

2395-2396. AWAD toughies

Necking in the front seats with her man jock
Girl remarked, "Want to make this old van rock?"
Pulled a page from her purse
Said in manner most terse,
"Then this marriage cert. needs your John Hancock."

That traitorous Benedict Arnol'
Down in hell spends a lifetime etarnal
His act of great treason
Begs Q: What's the reason
They upped the man's rank beyond Calonel?

OP414. Inspired by Flynn's demise

Zelda Dvoretzky --- introduced in OP391-392 --- shows she still has it.
May I offer a simple solution
To the White House's sad diminution?
     It's a  cheap, easy plan;
     Just find someone who can
Give a crash course on our Constitution.

Friday, February 17, 2017

OP401-413. The Schitt List

This one ate up most of my night.  I tried to stay as close to the story as possible.  I added a name I found in the comments, because I had a use for it.  This is a helluva lot longer than any I've tried before.  Enjoy!

Some people just haven't a clue
Has anyone said this to you
While throwing a fit?
"Well, you don't know Jack Schitt!"
I know Jack, and his family too.

We begin the day O. Schitt met Awe
He, at Kneedeep & Schitt, practiced law
As a senior advisor
She sold fertilizer
Their marriage, well, no one foresaw

But of charm, young O. Schitt had no lack
Before long, he had Awe in the sack
In predictable fashion
The result of their passion
Was a young little Schitt, name of Jack

Jack Schitt wed a woman named Noe
And six children on him she'd bestow
They were very religious
And their love life, prodigious
I'll tell of the children below

Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt
Then Bull Schitt and the twins would be it
The twins, Deap and Dip
Were joined at the hip
(No, not literally), but close-knit

Deap's choice of the man she had wed
Well, he wasn't quite right in the head
And a bit of a bum 
But this fellow, named Dumb
Went and took on her surname instead

Dip Schitt met a girl, Loda Dung
She thought he was cute, and well hung
So they wed, had a kid
Maybe sorry they did
For the child, Chicken Schitt, was high-strung

Well, the young men lost all hope of bedding
Either Fulla or Giva. Upsetting!
But the girls lost their poise
Near the cute Happens boys
So they had a Schitt-Happens joint wedding

And between them, the two had three boys
They'd run wild, and would make lots of noise
And the children, of course,
They were Byrd, Dawg, and Hoarse
Always making a mess of their toys

Bull Schitt had applied for a visa
Saw the pyramids standing at Giza
After visiting Rome
He would then return home
With a towering woman, named Pisa

After fifteen years Jack and Noe split
Jack, in Wertha, found more of a fit
When she asked about Noe
Jack would say, "She's fine, though
In the bedroom she's not Wertha Schitt!"

Mr. Sherlock, though forty and bald
Courted Noe, and he kept her enthralled
When she wed him, she stated
Her name, hyphenated
Noe Schitt-Sherlock, she is now called

There it is, the entire Schitt clan
You now know every woman and man
Anytime you are hit
With "You don't know Jack Schitt"
You will prove them all wrong, for you can.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

2394. Great cook, though

In my home there's no sexual scoring
Think I'll go out and find a gal whoring
Such an act would be fraught
With the fear I'd get caught
But should keep life from being so boring.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

2393. Ship of State of fools

Each day, the news brings on more din
Who's the latest Trump crony to sin?
Tillerson?  Kellyanne?
Sessions?  Pruitt?  McMahon?
Let's make the phrase read, "Out like Flynn."

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

2392. Small town, small price

A whore from the town of Eufaula
Liked wearing a spiked rhinestone colla'
When you stuck in your log
She would bark like a dog
Best of all, she charged only a dolla'!

Home of the Selmon brothers, OU football stars.  Pop. 2,900.

Monday, February 13, 2017

2391. Ours has more than one whitehorse

Lots of Czechs live their lives out in Yukon
Home of Garth (whom you'd best not rebuke on)
If you drink too much beer
You'll have nothing to fear
There are plenty of silos to puke on.

Population is 25,000.  Just west of OKC.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

2390. Failed pick-up line

I first sucked the tits of my ma,
Since then, more I've put in my jaw.
And I am confessin',
When we start undressin'
You'd better get out of your bra.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

2389. "A woman drove me to drink..."

A drunkard set down his 5th flagon
Heading out said, "I'm now on the wagon."
Returned  in an hour
Announced (face all a-glower),
"Set 'em up, I can't stand my wife's naggin'."

My title -- the start of a quote by WC Fields -- ends,
"and I never even had the decency to thank her."

Friday, February 10, 2017

2388. Too urban, quite disturbin'

There once was a man, Bevilacqua,
Who grew up in the burg of Sasakwa
But it seemed way too busy
So drove his tin lizzie
To Kansas to live in Chautauqua.

Sasakwa OK has 150 souls, the KS town has 111.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

2387. Below-the-belt brain

When a man sees a pretty girl's bust
He instantly starts in to lust
His hardening wiener
Says, "Stick me between her
Two legs with a powerful thrust!"

OP400. Shit head

Well, only the skankiest whore'll
Do anal before doing oral
If you do this, you taste
Your own bodily waste
Butt first, it's completely immoral.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

2386. I Amway disappointed

This country may soon come to blows
O'er the rich bitch named Betsy DeVos
Educators all squirmed
When the Pence vote confirmed
Her.  More reason to Donald depose.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

OP393-399. Dump Team Trump

The pick of Vice-President Pence
At first doesn't make any sense
But if Trump's in a hearse
Perhaps Pence would be worse
And therein lies the Donald's defense

The old propagandist, Steve Bannon
Is, much like the prez, a loose cannon
His boss is the brashest
And fearlessly fascist

A pawn for pursuing his plan in

There's the press secretary, Sean Spicer
Who I wish was more honest, and nicer
But he lies for a living

Which I'm not forgiving
Would telling the truth be conciser?

Trump's team needs to go quite a long way
"Alternative facts" are the wrong way
This regime is a fraud
And it seems rather odd
It's a clue that their counselor's "Con"way.

If you're asking me to diagnose
The appointment of Betsy DeVos
Well, I think it's a bummer
The kids will be dumber

Her qualifications? Not close.

I don't like Trump's AG pick, Jeff Sessions
He'll commit a whole host of transgressions

His idea of justice
Would surely disgust us
He should begin making confessions.

And last but not least, there's the Don
From the start he's been putting us on
When he's done with this scam
He is going to scram
Although, sadly, the rest won't be gone.

2385. Pen name Lindsay Crane

A gal in NoCal, name of Linda,
On Facebook has let me befrienda
I’ll put there some toasts
But no penile ripostes
(Might offend ev’ry friend o’ her genda.)

She's one of the authors of and the force behind Limericks in the Time of TrumpIf you've read it, we would appreciate your reviewing it at Amazon.

Monday, February 6, 2017

2384. Fragile Freedoms

1791 was the year
That our Bill of Rights went into gear
But these ten extra laws
No longer give pause
To a lot of our leaders, I fear.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

2383. Dear John

Prostitution remains quite illicit
But "No sex" from my wife is implicit
So when I want a session
Of genital meshin'
I have to go out and solicit.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

2382. DWB = "Driving While Black."

There's a new TV show, "Live PD"
About POlice Departments, and gee,
There is never a lack
Of bad guys who are black
Tulsa's featured; perhaps you'll see me!

Good show!  It's on A&E Friday nights but they're doing bonus coverage tonight -- Sat., Feb. 4.  They have cameramen riding with officers in several locales -- Phoenix, SLC, Columbia SC, Tulsa, Walton County FL, and 3-4 more.

It is SCARY how many cars they stop for minor infractions and then smell weed.  In doing "probable cause" searches, MJ, meth, coke, and guns are very often discovered --- and these are NOT staged pullovers.  I may quit driving --- criminals are everywhere!

Friday, February 3, 2017

PD292-295. Borderline bawdy

And they all start with the same six words...
There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
        The dress caught on fire
        And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.

There was a young lady named Etta
Who was constantly seen in a swetta.
        Three reasons she had:
        To keep warm wasn't bad,
But the other two reasons were betta.

There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
        She said, "Try as I can
        I can't find a man
Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

There was a young lady named Wilde
Who kept herself quite undefiled
        By thinking of Jesus;
        Contagious diseases;
And fearing she might have a child.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

2381. If you catch my drift (off)

A man who oft dozed down in Natchez
And was hung, so had girlfriends in batches,
Said, "I hate when you slap me a-
wake from Sleep Apnea,
I like my snoozing in snatches."

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

2380. Tough guys, or Cuban Gristle (ISIS)

At Guantanamo, in the Caribbean,
We've a base for Marines (they're amphibian)
Our best troops without fail
Spend time guarding the jail
Full of terrorists Afghan and Libyan.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

2379. Catarrh got your tongue?

Caught a cold, I had energy lacking
So I stayed home from work, did some jacking
Off.  Watched a skin flick,
Semen spewed from my dick

And a loogie shot forth caused by hacking.

Monday, January 30, 2017

OP391-392. Hi from Haifa

Two from octogenarian AWAD limericist Zelda Dvoretzky...
Read the lips of Trumpette Kellyanne,
Walking backwards as fast as she can:
     In go gin and vermouth,
     Out comes "Alternate Truth"
As she tries to make sense of the man.

Watched the president's press guy, Sean Spicer,
Not succeed when he tried to seem nicer
     His linguistic contortions
     Arrived in large portions
He's more of a slicer and dicer.

Zelda, Steve Benko, Lindsay Crane and I have written a book, Limericks in the Time of Trump.  All 101 poems are clean and it is available thru Amazon.  The pair above will appear in Vol. II --- assuming our first opus sells.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

2378. Onward

Many thousands of rhymes I have spun
About ev'rything under the sun
I still have a willi'ness
To write down my silliness
Will quit when it's no longer fun.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

2377. What Sumatra with the man?

The Donald ain't my Yankee Doodle
I detest his whole kit and kaboodle
He has hair of orang
And may grab your poontang
If he does, kick his small dangling noodle.

Friday, January 27, 2017

2376. Compensation, i.e. small hands don't lie

Trump's cravats are long, know what I mean?
Centimeters? About 115
Guess he wants ties to point
At the place where his joint
Ought to dangle (is this one obscene?)

Thursday, January 26, 2017

2375. How tacky!

A yogi from old Bangalore
Tore his nail bed apart (quite a chore)
Glued the spikes to his penis,
Proved he was the meanes'
By fucking two fags and a whore.

OP390. Which way is up?

Another experiment I've seen before, and wanted to try my hand at.

You decide for yourself which is worst
Should you read first to last?
Did I do this half-assed?
If you think that it should be reversed
You can read from the last to the first.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

2374. Rosemary's Baby?

Donald Trump is one weird individual
Whose toxicity could be residual
Comb-over adorns
Where three 6's and horns
Exist;  pants hide a tail not vestigial.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

2373. The dreaded Option #3

Said an Eskimo brave outside Nome,
"Let's fuck or suck here in my dome."
He added with deference,
"I yield to your preference"
The squaw replied, "Fine, take me home."

Monday, January 23, 2017

2372. "I am woman, hear me roar"

Many millions of marchers did snake
And equality claims they did stake
E.R.A. didn't pass
Kinda ran out of gas
But at this point, what diff. does it make?

The Equal Rights Amendment did pass the house and senate in 1972. However, ratification required a 75% majority of states (38 of the 50.)  Only 35 ever did so.  IMO, the ERA isn't necessary if existing civil rights laws are upheld.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

2370-2371. Future shock warning

You'd better beware, lads and lasses,
This government's not for the masses
If you don't keep close watch
Don may grab for your crotch
Or worse, give you his cock up your asses.

Law and order won't help you one bit
Disagree and you'll be in deep shit
Right-wing vigilantes
Will pull down your panties
And you'll be fucked both fig. and lit.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

2369. How long a honeymoon do we allow?

Well it's over, The Donald got sworn
Now stop rueing the day you were born
You may not like his stances
But give him some chances
(And pray he stops tooting his horn.)

Friday, January 20, 2017

2365-2368. God Save (us from) The King

Today we swear in a new prez
Some Dems will hear nothing he sez
Though his past actions randy
Were not sweet like candy
His head would work best serving Pez.

Trump's a loud-mouth, a bully, a lout
You can't believe much that he'll spout
By far he's the brashest
We've had, damned near fascist!
Reminds me a lot of that Kraut.

Don has loose things (and not just a screw)
Like his morals and language that's blue
He'll be like Herr Chancellor
Should he become canceller
Of laws which Obama got thru.

Most Democrats must want to pike him
For there's never been anyone like him.
I pray ev'ry night,
"Oh, Dear Lord, set him right
But if that can't be done then please strike him!"

OP389. Reaching another milestone

Your number of visits right now
Has reached all of twenty-five thou
Your fans still subsist
On your limerick grist
Mr. Limericist, take a bow!

OP388. It's Blue Friday

An inaugural dogg'rel for you's
If you've all got the swearing-in blues
Peace of mind has exploded
With ethics eroded
It's time to get loaded with booze!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

2364. Prattle fatigue

Delirious, leg blown to bits,
The soldier was suffering fits
He shouted this fable:
"I screwed Betty Grable
And Jane Russell showed me her tits!"

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

2363. Mr. Misogyny

I doubt Trump will ever get cozy
With Streep, Arianna, or Rosie
And it takes not an Einstein
To know Diane Feinstein
Is hated as much as Pelosi.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

2362. Howdah hell did this happen?

The damned bleeding-hearts known as PETA
I'll denounce with my anapæst meta
Fuck those assholes for singling
Out Barnum and Ringling!
So long, 3 rings, trapeze, clowns, cheetah.

Monday, January 16, 2017

2361. Calling a spade a spade

Yes, the DNC got hacked by Putin
Even Donald admits it, darn tootin'!
Democrats should take note:

Many just didn't vote
That's why Hillary lost, no disputin'.

In my opinion, this article makes a clear-cut case.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

2360. Ballooning in Cornwall

A chap who loved "doing the nasty"
Even more so loved eating a pasty
Once, while visiting Bude,
Ate fifteen and got screwed
In two ways; needed angioplasty.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

2359. Tough AWAD to rhyme

There once was a man from Annapulous
Whose gluttony made him quite crapulous
Though they made tummy hurt
He drank 'shakes for dessert,
One might say that he ended meals "frappulous."

Friday, January 13, 2017

2358. That slickening sound

The weather report made me glower
Freezing rain may begin in one hour
I am glad an ice storm
Is quite rare, not the norm,
Tree limbs break and can knock out your power.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

2357. Bombastic boorish bastard

The Trump likes to claim he has rectitude
But his words all come out with invectitude
That arrogant prick
Spews such shit, makes me sick!
The fuckhead could use some correctitude.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

2356. Wahini without a bikini

I was challenged to rhyme the final word...
A native who wed that Gauguin chap
Sunbathed in the nude, had a tan lap
Wedding night, she undressed,
Paul admired and confessed,
"I love all-one-shade
skin; it's a lagniappe."

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

2355. To feicester in Leicester

A fantastic musician named Cottingham
Got ptomaine from eating some rotting ham
The place she was smitten
Was somewhere in Britain
Not far from the city of Nottingham.

(Title 'borrowed' from Robin -- waaaaay back -- and scroll.)

Monday, January 9, 2017

2354. Queen for many a day

The asshole named Richard M. Nixon
Felt U.S. mores needed fixin'
Window-peeked through the louvers
At J. Edgar Hoover's
Drag outfit; said, "I'd fuck that vixen!"

Gee... I had so hoped the story were true.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

2353. Why I quit my church choir

A man who knew little about
Choir directing would waste time and spout
And this was his motto:
"Sing nothing staccato,
Whatever you do, drag it out."

Nice guy, but he thinks time is a magazine...

Saturday, January 7, 2017

2352. Ab stain

Inspired by OP386 and its comments
On a date, out to win a girl's heart,
Tried to let some gas slowly depart
Imagine my shame
At the odor which came
And stayed with us, for it was a shart!

Friday, January 6, 2017

2347-2351. AWAD of limericks on Sanskrit words

A bisexual German, a Brahmin,
Had lust for both herren und damen
And though he was wealthy
Was not a bit stealthy
About dating each (once uncommon.)

Went online, played a game with some mates
It was NASCAR-like, they said, "It rates!"
But my own chosen avatar
Somehow did not have a car
And wound up competing on skates.

Tried a midnight bank heist, should've shunned it
Saw a cop on my tail so I gunned it
I had tripped the alarm
Now I face prison harm;
As for safe cracking, I am no pundit.

A strict vegetarian, Tommy,
Eats fresh quinoa, kale, edamame.
He won't touch pirogi,
Is also a yogi
Who sikhs out advice from a swami.

A pacifist vows not to harm a
House fly or put on battle arma.
And a person who hectors
Conscientious objectors
Does not realize it's their karma.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

2346. I've never metamorphictitious theory

To "Young Earthers" I must say, "No dice!"
You think God made the world in a trice...
That He flooded the planet
To carve up the granite
Such ignorance just isn't gneiss.

I am reading the book, "Grand Canyon, Monument to an Ancient Earth."  Written by real geologists, it debunks "flood geology" --- a tenet of Young Earth Creationism.  Though written graciously, it shows that Ken Ham, Duane Gish, et al. are igneousramuses.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

OP387. How it got its name

A non-issue for Suzanne, at least...

It's a dangerous thing, so I've heard
To go nude in the woods. It's absurd!
For a woodpecker could
Just start pecking your wood

(Now that's killing two stones with one bird.)

2345. Worried that she might Bobbitt

Most women think they deserve parity
But equality still is a rarity
Gals have penis envy
So chauvinist men ve-
to any such thoughts with celerity.

And to women's chagrin, we usually come too rapidly, too.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

OP386. Mind over states of matter

As I age, inner thoughts strangely pass;
Used to contemplate navel, now ass.
     Eating dairy’s a toll on
     What roils in my colon--
‘Tis solid, or liquid, or gas?
The answer, physiologically speaking, is “I haven’t the Vagus idea.”

Monday, January 2, 2017

2344. Family re-yoon-yum

Three brothers named Steve, Phil, and Larry
Had a barbecue feast as their quarry
In Tulsa they gathered
For ribs rubbed and slathered;
Amount left uneaten was 'nary.'

Larry (Boulder) and Steve (OKC) will gather here (Tulsa) for lunch, visiting, and an OU Sooners victory tonight in the Sugar Bowl!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

OP384-385. Meet 'n Greet 'n Bleat

The antelope came and broke through
The fence, scared two sheep, so withdrew
"I have only come here
Just to bring you good cheer
So, Happy Gnu Year to ewe two!":

"I've not come here to do hanky-panky
For the farmer may shoot me or spank me
But if you've time to burn
And, like me, you both yearn,
You can each take a turn and then rank me!"

(no need or concern then, to thank me)

2343. Just soy could say it

An un-strict vegetarian, Tommy,
Learned women could also taste yommy
He went down on one
Who'd a daughter and son
Prompting him to say, "I edamame."