Wednesday, July 26, 2017

OP443. Wang slang

A prick, or a dick, or a dong
A wand, anaconda, or schlong
If it's doubly balled

Then whatever it's called
Doesn't matter, as long as it's long.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

2588. Five years? No way!

This date in 1982
Brought forth from his daddy's white goo
A brainy, fun fellow
With manner quite mellow
Who writes awesome limericks, too!


Wow, Dave!  I cannot believe how long you've been following my blog!  Looking back through its archives I discovered that you first sent me a limerick in 2012 -- four days prior to this site's 1st anniversary and two days before your 30th birthday.

Here is that initial effort and here is the one from a year later -- actually written by your sister, you say --.which first notified us of your birthday.  I posted this follow-up to it.

It's been a joy to have your support, humor, and intelligence these past five years, so keep writing and keep havin' birthdays!

OP442. Party hearty, David!

Happy birthday, and stop dillydallyin'
Party hard, jump around like a stallion
And some day you will find
A gal nuts, sweet and kind
With big boobs, nice behind, you rapscallion!

2587. Or other horsin' around...

An equestrienne living in Warner
Just couldn't be any forlorner
She's lost her sanguinity
And her virginity,
Seems riding bareback has torn 'er.

Pop. 1,619

Monday, July 24, 2017

PD312-315. Clean classics

There was a young lady of Kent,
Who admitted she knew what it meant
        When men asked her to dine,
        And plied her with wine,
She knew, oh she knew -- but she went!

There once was a man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya,
        When you work on my middle
        Be sure you don't fiddle
With things down there that don't concern ya."

There once was a pretty young Mrs.
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
        Her mind lost its grasp -
        Now she thinks she's an asp
And just sits in the corner and hrs.

According to experts, the oyster
In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
       May frequently be
       Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.

Cute, but wrong.  They are in phylum Mollusca.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

2586. A fjordable care act

A Norwegian ex-pat with name 'Jorgen'
Farms a half-section outside of Forgan
He's a bachelor guy
So to help him get by,
Each evening he plays his pumped organ.

Pop. 534.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

2585. Just duet!

At the Lutheran Church, downtown Binger,
The music program's no hum-dinger

Yes, it's true, things are dire,
They have no vocal choir
Nor a bell one -- one singer, one ringer.

Pop. 656.

Friday, July 21, 2017

2582-84. Premature ejaculation

Afraid he would say something cheek'ly
A farmer boy sought advice meekly;
"Tell me what I can say
To my girl so she'll lay?"
Friend said, "You must approach it obliquely."

"Try painting your horse's tail red.
In the wagon, here's what will be said:
'Why the colorful rear?'
Conversation you'll steer
From 'butt' into going to bed."

So in hopes that he'd have him some luck,
Painted horse's ass red, hitched the buck
Board up; called for the maid,
When she asked, "Why that shade?"
He said, "Glad that you asked!  Wanna fuck?"

In old novels, "ejaculated" meant "blurted out."  Like "intercourse," it has pejorated.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

2581. It's a breeze

If you ever drove into Olustee
And got out of your car, you got dusty
Well, unless it had rained,
Still, your energy drained
From those damned prairie winds strong and gusty.

Pop. 593

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

PD310-311. The genesis for these is in Ch. 38: 8&9

Three cheers for that lusty guy, Onan --
A hero much greater than Conan.
He handled his need
By spilling his seed
But his sister-in-law was left moanin'.

Screwing Tamar, old Onan was set
To pay a prescribed family debt.
When the stud withdrew early,
He 'splained it was purely
'Cause condoms were not devised yet.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

OP441. Sent me by a new AWAD friend

I congratulated Edith Lowe from Bath, England on a great AWAD limerick she wrote a few weeks ago.  She wrote back, sending me this one.  It came to her from a friend on holiday in Northern France.
Whenever I begin to think, "I'm really good at limericks!", along comes one like this to puncture my over-inflated ego.
Ironic though now it appears
After seven or eight hundred years,
Most cases of death
'Round the time of Macbeth
Were from clubbing and Brittany spears.


Monday, July 17, 2017

2580. A big dill at one time

When haying, the chaff causes prickles
And it's hard work out swingin' those sickles
It is dangerous, too,
I know men who can't screw
Because errant blades chopped off their pickles.

Now, wasn't that inscytheful?

Sunday, July 16, 2017

2579. No giant trees either place

If you take a road trip to Sequoyah
The denizens there will enjoy ya
It's on Route Sixty-Six
Sort of out in the sticks
So I doubt if you'll think it's La Jolla.

Pop. 671

Saturday, July 15, 2017

2578. But business was really slow

A prostitute living in Wayne
Had a giant, retentive-type brain.
Besides fucking, gained fame
From the fact she could name
Ev'ry fellow with whom she had lain.

Pop. 704

2577. If music be the food of love...

A music-degreed cook in Copan
Worked best humming nocturnes by Chopin
Cooked all of her day foods
While iPod™ played etudes,
Baked biscuits sublime in her dough pan.

Pop. 741