PD320-325. Clean and clever

There was a young lady from Hyde
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented
The apple fermented --
Made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She took off one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who noticed her lovers were few;
So she walked out her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed - with the flu.

There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
She said, "Try as I can
I can't find a man
Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

Sad husbands can all testify
To a wedding they cannot deny.
'Cause they know 'where' and 'when'
They got married, but then,
What escapes them exactly is 'why?'

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.