OP444-468. Birthday banter

A witty repartee between Suzanne and myself, yesterday and today, starting with a birthday verse.  This stops being about my birthday rather quickly.  I have Suzanne's approval to post this.  Enjoy the wall of limericks!

(SH) Happy birthday there, David, be glad
One more year of great wisdom you add
And as you get older
You'll be a cardholder
Of smarts, getting bold, but not bad.

(DR - OP193, updated for yesterday)
I've spent 35 years on this earth
And I've grown a whole lot since my birth
I'm becoming more sage
As I'm adding more age
But I'm mostly just adding more girth.

(SH) That's exactly what many girls want
They don't care for a fellow who's gaunt
You're so huggable, oh!
With that teddy bear glow
So be proud of it, go ahead, flaunt!

(DR) If I do that, I may be in trouble
With the women, they may make it double
Do you want me to strut
And act like a slut
When I have a big butt, like a bubble?

(SH) You're too humble to seem like you're slutty
Because you're so darn funny and nutty!
All your clever brain cells
Will just ring all their bells
In your hands, all the gals will be putty.

(DR) If that were the case, I'd be taken
By the womenfolk, I've been forsaken
None are wanting that gig
'Cause I'm just too damn big
So I stay home and pig out on bacon.

(SH) In the boonies, what did you expect?
Hardly any girls there to select!
Oh, what a sad waste
That they're big-city based
So the odds that you're chased might be wrecked.

(DR) I suspect if I'm in a big city
Then my chances are equally shitty
I'd have zero impact
For my form won't attract
Any dates would just act out of pity

(SH) They don't all think the same, there are some
Who don't care 'bout the size of your bum
They want someone who's smart
With an awesome good heart
And you do play the part, you ain't dumb!

(DR) I know there are girls who don't tend
To dwell, to that end, on my end
But it's still not to be
With those women, you see
They think only of me as a friend.

(SH) You are judging too soon, that's a crime!
Reaching second base always takes time
So you gave up and parted
Before getting started
Up pathways uncharted, so climb!

(DR) Well, I may speak too soon, I'll admit
But so far I have not been a hit
As for running the bases
In all of my cases -
The Look on their faces. Oh Shit!

(SH) Well, you don't run the bases, just walk 'em
And you'll find nonchalance will unlock 'em
Take your time with your speed
Let the ladies just lead
And you won't even need to sweet-talk 'em

(DR) It is good advice to go slow
When making my move on them, though
Whenever I do it
They're never into it
Their answer (I knew it) is "NO!"

(SH) Please reread what I said, that should prove
You'll ace IF you don't make the first move
Here patience is key
And I do guarantee
Just do nothing and see how they groove!

(DR) Do nothing, just wait, you implore?
And they'll beat down a path to my door?
They will think I don't care
If in fact they're aware
That I even am there anymore.

(SH) You see, when a friendship gets deeper
That's when they will see you're a keeper
I know that it's true
This is just what they'll do
And they'll snuggle with you as a sleeper.

(DR) If you think this approach makes me mobbable
By the women (who'd make me quite throbbable)
Or I find just one gal
Who'll be more than a pal
Well, the chance I'll corral her - improbable.

(SH) Oh fella! You couldn't be wronger!
Patience WILL make your chances much stronger
I should know! I contain
The same female-type brain!
Trust my instincts! You'll gain and last longer!

(DR) Well, that outcome just isn't the trend's own
So I can't slam my balls in their endzone
For they don't give a fuck
I am shit out of luck
It appears I am stuck in the friendzone.

(SH) Society claims your damnation
As you follow their (each) expectation
Your own life is unique
But you're making it weak
When predicting a bleak situation.

(DR) What I say, you might think it rings hollow
My experience taught me to wallow
I am not a savant
I've a figure to haunt
This, a woman would want? I don't follow.

(SH) Not all women judge books by their covers
Especially the ones whose cute lovers
Would burn them, and shove
Them away and fake love
As a dark cloud above them still hovers

Fancy looks that would flatter soon scatter
Which the ugly inside will then shatter
So what sets them apart?
A fun brain that is smart
And a kind loving heart which do matter.

(DR) All right, then, Suzanne, I concede
I am all that a woman would need
Girls are under my hex
I am smart and complex
And a wizard at sex, it's agreed.

(SH) The Law of Attraction is clear
That the time will be coming, it's near
As your thoughts do create
Your reality. Great!
Now allow your good fate to appear.

At long last, I'm letting her have the last word.

All except the verse which was already on this blog use Suzanne's little trick with L5.