Tuesday, December 31, 2013

1223. And you thought Jocasta was hung...

When Rex gets all swollen for sex
His dick reaches clear to his pecs
This half-yard display
Causes partners to say,
"May I please ride your edifice, Rex?"

Monday, December 30, 2013

1222. ANY woman's a sex object

A virgin of 60, Miss Patters,
Against illicit sex often natters.
Though wizened and prim
She still has a quim
(To most guys nothing else really matters.)


Writing this one reminded me of when I was a freshman in high school, riding to a tennis tournament.  A senior, reputed to be quite a cock-hound, was also in the car.  We passed a girl on the sidewalk and I commented about how unattractive she was.  He said, "Did she have a hole between her legs?"  "I suppose so" I said.  He shot back, "Well, then, she was damn good lookin'."

Saturday, December 28, 2013

1221. On the hornys of a dilemma

A homo I know has become
Unsightly and sick, human scum!
Upper cheeks, pyorrhea,
Lower ones, diarrhea.
So which should I fuck, gums or bum?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

1220. Izzat cat or rat scat?

The man named St. Fran of Assisi
Liked pets of about any specie
It is said he could tell
What one was by the smell
Wafting up from its freshly-dropped fece.

Monday, December 23, 2013

1219. Road hazard

While hitch-hiking, I got a lift
But a gas station's john left me miffed.
I never knew spirochetes
Could live on toilet seats
Must be true 'cause I got syphed.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

1218. Beating around the bush

A virgin boy wanted to score
With a girl who was bad to the core.
The fool tried to blandish her
With words outlandisher
Than she had e'er heard before.


Sounds as if a straightforward "Wanna fuck?" would have worked.

1217. Abusement Park

A predator guy at Six Flags
Enjoys picking up teen-aged fags
His dick he'll then shove
Up The Tunnel of Love
Or into one's throat 'til he gags.

Monday, December 16, 2013

1216. The end of the grind

I began this blog in late July, 2011.  It has been a joy to read the limericks posted by you followers and your often-hilarious comments to mine.  I hope I've provided you with entertainment through some of my better ones.

However, in reading back over my offerings of the past few months, I've found them not as fresh as many from earlier.  Some have been too contrived to qualify as "good ones."  I also notice that my mind isn't latching onto unusual words (for rhyming) heard in conversation, on radio, or TV as it used to.  The wheels don't automatically start turning.  When I try to start that engine myself, I can tell that the resultant five-liner isn't "worthy", but I post it anyway just to keep the blog active. 

The drop in quality has resulted in a drop in daily visits.  Site visits stayed above 20/day for the first two years.  Since Nov.1, they've averaged around 8, attributable in large part to my deteriorating quality.  This will be my last "regularly-scheduled" posting.  If the muse returns and I create one worth sharing, I will, but this may happen only sporadically. 

Thanks so much for supporting me these past 28+ months and do check back at least fortnightly.  Maybe a few good ones will have sprung to life!

Nearly daily I've posted a limerick
And when good, just like jewels they've sat shimmerick
But I'm getting too old
Think my tent I will fold
For my readers have all gone a'glimmerick.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

1215. One of The Boys in the Band*?

A gay young musician named Morgan
Learned keyboards from some guy named Jorgen
His playing is guano
Upon the piano
But oh how he sucks on an organ.


* Click here if the title doesn't resonate...

Friday, December 13, 2013

1214. I'd like tin-whistle style

There once was a woman from Butte
A whiz kid at playing skin flutte
She could play both transverse
And straight on, but this verse
Might be better if heard through a mutte.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

1213. My best day so far

I haven't limericized lately.
My surgery (two hours, sedately)
Was successful, I'm told,
But I'm getting too old
Because several places hurt greatly!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

PD111-117. One weak's worth

A young lady who fancied a man some,
Was had three times in a hansom.
When she clamored for more,
Her man became sore
And said, "My name is Simpson, not Samson."


There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her.
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.


The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
Employs as a sexual rover
Is to hand-job police
As she gives one release
She will giggle, "My cop runneth over!"

 
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a back from Cal State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus.


There once was pervert named Manny
Who stuck his long prick up his fanny
Now he's flailing about
Seems he can't get it out
He can't shit, he can't piss. It's uncanny!


There was an old maid of Duluth
Who wept when she thought of her youth
And the glorious chances
She missed at school dances
And once in a telephone booth.


A soldier known only as Sarge,
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her an hon'rable discharge.

OP131. Transportation aggravation

There once was a man on the bus
Whose health started to concern us
His worsening condition
Would cause an emission - 

Not of shit, nor of piss, but of pus.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

1212. A true hero and leader

Requiescat in Pace, Mandela.
Has ever there been such a fella?
The whole world should mourn
But should not feel forlorn
For the life that he lived was so bella.

1211. Voice mail after maybe 100 rings?

A horny and techie gal, Joan,
In her twat placed a cellular phone*
With a devilish smile
Used her landline to dial
Wouldn't answer, but oh how she'd moan.

  * On vibrate, no doubt

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

1209-1210. No greater prevaricator

That crazy old Baron M√ľnchhausen
Told tall tales about his carousin'
He had a capacity
For total mendacity
(Which means he told lies by the thousan')


To do this took plenty of moxie
(And he did not tell 'em by proxy.)*
No, those all-made-up quips
Came straight from his lips
Which should have been sealed with epoxy.


* Click here if needed...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

1208. B & D and she

That naughty old Marquis de Sade
Kept a woman who had a hot bade
Her protests were futile
The sessions were brutal
He used whips and chains and his rade.

Monday, December 2, 2013

1207. Should have pulled out all the stops

Western Union no longer does telegrams
Those yellow and terse parallelograms.
Saying, "I love you stop"
Didn't have enough pop
So I never sent them to my fellow Grahams.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

1206. Prep talk

A cute and hirsute brunette, Betty,
Enjoys being fucked on her settee
But the pubes are so generous
Upon her mons veneris
You'll first need to find a machete.