tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51791198649143641172024-03-13T01:50:48.087-05:00The LimericistLimericks of three varieties: Clean, Suggestive, and Filthy! The ones in red
are R- to X-rated. Those with numeric-only labels are my own, those labeled "OP" are from Other Posters, and the ones with "PD" labels are in the Public Domain. You may email me at limericist@cox.net.The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.comBlogger3090125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-71699585785519683302019-03-31T23:55:00.000-05:002019-03-31T23:55:38.682-05:00OP535. None from "Column A"<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Madame Wong
gave a man from Karachi</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">A soap hand job
too near the hibachi.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">
When her ass touched the coal</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">
She snapped off Ahmed’s pole</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">And then
giggled, “No dickie, no washee.”</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">This youthful retread is wrong
in so many ways, including the L5 near-rhyme.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
okiejokeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09677146451115408185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-17164961573016469972019-02-17T17:36:00.000-06:002019-03-10T07:44:23.447-05:003001. Properly rhyming an AWAD"Appurtenance" was one of this week's words.<br />
<br />
As I mentioned on 12/31/18, I probably wouldn't post any more (unless they were about djt.) Well, here goes:<br />
<br />
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span class="674463322-17022019"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>Said Don, "The polls say I'm a hurtin'
dunce.</strong></span></span></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span class="674463322-17022019"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>But my wall isn't just some
appurtenance.</strong></span></span></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span class="674463322-17022019"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>I campaign ev'ry day</strong></span></span></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span class="674463322-17022019"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>So they'll build it my way.</strong></span></span></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span class="674463322-17022019"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>There is just no time left to grab certain
cunts."</strong></span></span></div>
The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-52960043576504386892019-02-01T03:43:00.000-06:002019-02-19T14:42:27.194-06:00OP534. One, Two, Three...Insanity!<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">An old nuclear theorist named Stutz</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">
Was sent packing because he was nuts.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">
He believed he had sentience<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"> In ‘leven dimensions</span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">
And searched for dark matter up butts.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> See Comment 1.</span></span></div>
okiejokeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09677146451115408185noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-14353121210895819912018-12-31T21:54:00.002-06:002019-01-01T21:02:27.998-06:002998-3000. My swan song chansonYour blog host, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Limericist</i></b>, is just about to
post his last 3 entries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve been
planning since last summer, <i>my 3,000th limerick</i> gets posted on this final day of 2018! You will find it at the end (where else?) of this long farewell post.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regular readers realize that there are many <u>other</u> limericks found throughout the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, I have included 417
from the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>P</u></b>ublic <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>D</u></b>omain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>O</u></b>ther
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>P</u></b>osters have written and posted 533
more. Those bring the total to 3,950!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My earliest followers were my high school friend, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wayne Scott</b> (Wanus) who is now deceased, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Robin Sutherland</b> with his many
hilarious nicknames (among them Amanda B. Recondwith & Helena Handbasket),
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Larry Gott</b> whom I 'met' thru
youtube, and my two brothers, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Steve (</b>OkieJokey)
and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Larry </b>(Boulderite.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
My most faithful follower and most fertile OP
poster, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dave Reddekopp </b>from Swift Current, SK, signed up for
the blog in September 2012. Hardly a day went by without a Dave check in. When he wasn't reading, he often was writing marvelous "limmies" to augment the blog. Thanks, David!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<st1:personname w:st="on"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Suzanne Heymann</b></st1:personname> of Nanaimo, BC discovered the blog in
2015.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I tried hard to explain to
her the steps to gain posting status, she didn't follow them for
six months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, many of her
earlier comments show her as "Anonymous," though sometimes with the
inclusion of her initials.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a delightful, fecund, and talented addition Suz was!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She finally figured out how to make her own "OP"
posts and began doing so on 1/29/2016.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, her computer went on the fritz about 2 years later and she's not
been heard from since.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Earlier, I mentioned the 950 limericks from other poets to
go along with my 3,000.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I
haven't kept count, there are <u>many more</u> found in <b>comments </b>made to
"front page posts", bringing the total count to well over 4,000, <b>but let me say this about the limericks: </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Their <u>quality</u>, not their <u>quantity</u>, is what makes me proudest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you wish to access any of these "hidden 5-liners,"
go to the archives down the right side of the page, scroll down to the year
you're seeking and click on the <u>triangle</u> beside it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then click a <u>month name</u> to show all
the posts for that month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By clicking on
an archived entry shown in <span style="color: blue;"><b>the following blue list</b></span> you will see both the original
limerick and all the comments which were made. Once you have read the comment(s), click your browser's back button.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the way, I've only listed those comments containing limericks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to go searching for puns, jokes, or
just background info, there are hundreds <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">more</span> comments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2011<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUL</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1-2, 5</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AUG</b> 14, 28, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>222, 257-263</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NOV</b> 349, 368, 370</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEC</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>449</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2012<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JAN</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>494-495</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAR</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP25</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAY</b> 679</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUN</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>735</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AUG</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PD45-46</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP51</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEC</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready for quash racquets?, OP61</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2013<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JAN</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>924, 929</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEB</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP78</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAR</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>981</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">APR</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP99, 996-1000, OP107</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAY</b> OP111</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2014<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEB</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP139</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AUG</b> 1446 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1488 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2015<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUL</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP181, OP184, 1766 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">SEP</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP213</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1863, OP220, 1864, 1866, 1868, OP222, 1874, 1875,
1876, 1877, 1879-1880, 1881 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NOV</b> 1883, 1885,
1890, 91, 92, 93, OP223, OP224, 1894, 1895, OP226, OP227. 1905, 1906, 1907,
1909, 1910 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEC</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PD202-206, 1932, OP231</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2016<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JAN</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1956, 1967, 1972,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEB</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1976. OP241, 1980, 1981</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAR</b> 2015, 2016,
2019, 2020, OP256, 2029-2030, 2031-2032,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">APR</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2048, 2051</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MAY</b> 2086</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUN</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2103,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>2118,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2119,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2134,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>2137</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUL</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OP293-297, OP304-308</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AUG</b> 2188, 2190,
2193, 2206, OP342</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">SEP</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PD257-259, 2241, 2242, 2246, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2256, 2273, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NOV</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2289, OP364-372, PD283, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEC</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2321, 2323, 2324, 2328, 2329, 2333, 2339 </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2017<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JAN</b> 2343,
OP384-385, 2345</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEB</b> 2383, 2384,
OP393-399, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">APR</b> OP419-422</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUN</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2545</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JUL</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PD302-309, OP432-434, 2580, 2581, 2587, 2591</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AUG</b> 2611, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">SEP</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2637, 2650</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OCT</b> OP469</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NOV</b> 2722, OP475</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEC</b> 2741, OP496,
OP501-502, 2754</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="color: blue;">2018<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">JAN</b> OP521-522,
OP524</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEB</b> 2782</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now, my final(?) entries*<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I've been showered
with kudos effusive<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sometimes got help
from poets collusive<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">But as years have
gone by<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">One thing's caused me
to sigh,<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My readers have grown
more reclusive.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">So I've come to this
thought-out decision<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">No more lines of
rhyme needing elision<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">One a day's been an
onus<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hope some were a
bonus<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Which led to your
praise, not derision.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">For eighty-nine
months, made you simper<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Now I'm going to go
out with a whimper.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It has been a great
run<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">And has brought me
much fun<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">But I'm gone lest my
rhymes become limper.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
* Probably not, because until Trump is dethroned, I'm sure I'll have things to say.</div>
<br />The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-84484104023603917882018-12-30T18:02:00.002-06:002018-12-30T18:02:41.219-06:002997. The perfect woman!<b><span style="color: red;">A 2 foot 6 slut would bring cheer</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">She could blow you <i>sans </i>kneeling, the dear!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And if her head were flat</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">On its top, 'twould mean that</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">You could set down your icy cold beer.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-39481804648138959812018-12-29T17:08:00.003-06:002018-12-29T17:21:01.630-06:002996. A different toe jam<b><span style="color: red;">In my youth I employed a whip sock</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">(Which is something male readers will grok.)</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Did my mom ever know</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">The dried stuff in its toe</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Was emitted by my turgid cock?</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-51990474014876423772018-12-27T20:55:00.000-06:002018-12-27T21:16:24.521-06:002995. Too pushy (and a big tushie)<b>An initialization spelled MAGA*</b><br />
<b>Is the mantra of Trump's sleazy saga.</b><br />
<b>What he's mainly made great</b><br />
<b>Are his ego and weight</b><br />
<b>But regardless, his minions stay gaga.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
* If you've been living under a rock, you might not decipher "Make America Great Again."The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-50928507121693098282018-12-25T13:55:00.000-06:002019-02-18T03:36:20.521-06:002994. Perhaps it, too, is like jelly<b><span style="color: red;">It's C</span><span style="color: #274e13;">h</span><span style="color: red;">r</span><span style="color: #274e13;">i</span><span style="color: red;">s</span><span style="color: #274e13;">t</span><span style="color: red;">m</span><span style="color: #274e13;">a</span><span style="color: red;">s; I'll post this because</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Much empathy's owed Mrs. Claus.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">The dick of old Santa</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Is hardly giganta</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">His belly, too, gives her much pause.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-40005789318150977522018-12-23T09:34:00.003-06:002018-12-23T09:34:55.663-06:002993. For 5B congress couldn't budge it<b>The wall debate ended in stalemate</b><br />
<b>Adding yet one more thing to Trump's fail rate</b><br />
<b>For causing the shutdown</b><br />
<b>He needs to be cut down</b><br />
<b>Will Cohen, perhaps, be Don's jail mate?</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-37861452725481262072018-12-23T07:44:00.004-06:002018-12-23T07:44:32.200-06:002992. Black-hearted about black people<b>A bigot who lived in L.A.</b><br />
<b>Had these racist outpourings to say:</b><br />
<b>"I have an abhorrence</b><br />
<b>For persons from Torrance</b><br />
<b>Or Compton or Watts, by the way."</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-89762046273548985242018-12-22T07:51:00.002-06:002019-02-18T03:38:08.221-06:002991. Showin' his spunk<b><span style="color: red;">A man who lived out on the street</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Was often found beating his meat.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">When semen went streamin'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">It left him a-beamin'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">You'd think he'd have been more discreet.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-68516318387805933142018-12-21T06:01:00.001-06:002018-12-21T08:03:37.593-06:002990. Fouls and foul language<b>Since my youth, such broad changes in "Hoops",</b><br />
<b>Players now don't say sheepishly, "Oops."</b><br />
<b>I am here to report</b><br />
<b>Ain't no non-contact sport,</b><br />
<b>Guys who drive the lane get knocked for loops.</b><br />
Could have also been entitled, "No blood, no foul."The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-17867237898740562102018-12-20T10:34:00.004-06:002019-02-18T22:09:14.997-06:002989. Works both ways... supposedly<b><span style="color: red;">If the boy's not sixteen, Girl, act morally</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Though you're older, don't pleasure him orally.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Caught with pulled-back prepuce</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">You will have no excuse</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">When arrested for rape statutorily.</span></b><br />
But does this ever happen except with school marms?The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-18925662698458881532018-12-19T20:51:00.000-06:002018-12-19T20:51:05.150-06:002988. In Alabama it's a capital offense<b>There once was a man in Montgomery*</b><br />
<b>Who seduced an old heiress with flummery.</b><br />
<b>Of life savings he milked her,</b><br />
<b>She sued 'cause he'd bilked her.</b><br />
<b>The bench issued forth judgment summary.</b><br />
* Drove thru there today on our way to S. Carolina.The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-52742738520159176412018-12-17T12:30:00.001-06:002018-12-17T12:30:10.807-06:002987. My body suffers rick and ruin<b>It's the seventeenth day of December</b><br />
<b>But our wood pile is all out of timber.</b><br />
<b>The fireplace is cold</b><br />
<b>'Cause this geezer's too old</b><br />
<b>To cut more, I am no longer limber.</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-35841351332218850742018-12-17T01:48:00.000-06:002018-12-17T12:18:04.941-06:002986. And use a french letter<b><span style="color: red;">When try'n to impress some young twat</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Murm'ring, "<i>Je ne sais quoi</i>" hits the spot.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">She will ask, "Are you Francophile?"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Then after you've sank awhile</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Inside her say, "I don't know what."</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-20417174186926358372018-12-16T08:30:00.002-06:002018-12-16T13:35:43.254-06:002985. More turnover<b>Trump's White House will never run simply.</b><br />
<b>There's no permanence; he does things limply.</b><br />
<b>It isn't so zany</b><br />
<b>That he'd pick Mulvaney</b><br />
<b>As Chief of Staff (but only temply.)</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-15575880214496635242018-12-15T08:41:00.001-06:002018-12-15T08:47:10.974-06:002984. Man dates?<b><span style="color: red;">A Professor of Maxims named Richtem</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Had two girls in class, made each a victim.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Tried to teach them his sayings</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But both gave him nayings,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Since they wouldn't learn 'em, he dictum.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-31759322288009280122018-12-14T23:15:00.001-06:002019-02-19T09:27:19.843-06:00PD412-417. So saccharine<b>There once was a girl named Irene</b><br />
<b>Who lived on distilled kerosene</b><br />
<b>But she started absorbin'</b><br />
<b>A new hydrocarbon</b><br />
<b>And since then has never benzene.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Though most of the crewmen were whites,</b><br />
<b>Uhura had full equal rights.</b><br />
<b>Her crewmates, you see,</b><br />
<b>Loved De-mo-cra-cy,</b><br />
<b>And the way that she filled out her tights.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I remember a fellow named Louie,</b><br />
<b>Who ate 17 bowls of chop suey.</b><br />
<b>When the eighteenth was brought,</b><br />
<b>He became overwrought,</b><br />
<b>And we watched as poor Louie went "Blooie!"</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>According to experts, the oyster</b><br />
<b>In its shell - a crustacean cloister -</b><br />
<b>May frequently be</b><br />
<b>Either he or a she</b><br />
<b>Or both, if it should be its choice ter.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick</b><br />
<b>Set his sights upon scoring a "hat trick."</b><br />
<b>He went into the stands </b><br />
<b>And clobbered three fans </b><br />
<b>With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I think God uses bathrooms," sighed Claire, </b><br />
<b>"But it makes Dad get angry and swear. </b><br />
<b>If Mommy is slow </b><br />
<b>When he's wanting to go, </b><br />
<b>He shouts, "God! Whatcha doin' in there!?"</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-30937144974729646512018-12-14T00:25:00.001-06:002018-12-15T08:47:44.617-06:002983. It Arnott very large<b>When it comes to the town of Arnett</b><br />
<b>Many folks won't go there on a bett.</b><br />
<b>It's near the panhandle</b><br />
<b>But can't hold a candle</b><br />
<b>To saunas if you want to swett.</b><br />
Pop. 523<br />
<br />
That title reminds me of what must have been my first pun. When I was about eight, my mother told me that my father's WWII platoon had been the first American unit to cross the Arno River. I reportedly said, "How could they if there arno river?"The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-21927597338840682902018-12-13T03:57:00.001-06:002018-12-13T03:57:06.776-06:002982. Hush, hush sweet harlot<b><span style="color: red;">You got 36 months, Michael Cohen,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">There are lines you and Trump were not toein'.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Bribing Stormy and Karen</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Got Democrats swearin'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">That Donald had undergone blowin'.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-60694878559780490162018-12-12T21:28:00.001-06:002022-09-03T15:11:06.438-05:00PD395-PD411. From a fecund fuckin' websiteWith the year-end in sight, I feel it's time for mass quantities.<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young harlot named Schwartz</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And they tickled so nice</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">She drew a high price</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">From the studs at the summer resorts.</span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">A fellow whose surname was Hunt</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">This versatile spout</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Could be turned inside out,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Like a glove, and be used as a cunt.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">A highway patrol buff named Claire,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Once screwed half a troop on a dare,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And her parts grew so hot</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">There was steam on her twat</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">So they nicknamed her Smokey the Bare!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"> "You have told me my bosom is snowy;</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"> You've made too much verse on</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"> Each part of my person,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"> Now DO something - there's a good boy!"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young sailor named Bates</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who danced the fandango on skates</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But a fall on his cutlass</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Did render him nutless,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And pratically useless on dates.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">She wasn't what you would call pretty,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And other girls offered her pity:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">You would never have guessed</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">That her Wasserman test</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Involved half the men of the city.</span></b><br /><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">A wanton young lady from Wimley</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Reproached for not acting quite primly</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Said, "Heavens above!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">I know sex isn't love,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But it's such an entrancing facsimile."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">A wicked stone cutter named Cary</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Drilled holes in divine statuary.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">With eyes full of malice</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">He pulled out his phallus,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And buggered a stone Virgin Mary.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There's a charming young lady named Dooley</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who's often been screwed by yours truly,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But now--it's appallin'--</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">My balls always fall in!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">I fear that I've fucked her unduly.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There's a sports-minded coed named Sue,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who's been coxing the varsity crew.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">In the shell Sue is great,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But her boyfriend's irate,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">When she calls out the stroke as they screw.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">The ancient orthographer, Chisholm,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Caused a lexicographical schism </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">When he asked to know whether </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">'Tween covers of leather</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">He should use "g" or "j" to spell "jism?"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young sapphic named Anna</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Which she sucked, bit by bit,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">From her partner's warm slit,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">In the most approved lesbian manner.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a pianist named Liszt</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who played with one hand while he pissed,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But as he grew older</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">His technique grew bolder,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">In concert, jacked off with his fist.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young fellow name Tucker</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who, instructing a novice cock-sucker,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Said, "Don't bow out your lips</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Like an elephant's hips,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">The boys like it best when they pucker."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young fellow named Blaine,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">And he screwed some disgusting old jane.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">She was ugly and smelly</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">With an awful pot-belly,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">But... well, they were caught in the rain.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young fellow named Bowen</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">It grew so tremendous,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">So long and so pendulous,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">'Twas no good for fuckin' -- just showin'.</span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">There was a young fellow named Gluck</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Who found himself shit out of luck.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Though he petted and wooed,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">When he tried to get screwed</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">He found virgins just don't give a fuck.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-71303123601441314502018-12-12T00:47:00.002-06:002018-12-12T21:33:18.389-06:002981. Avoiding a statue of limitations<b>If a sculpture in life you should garnish</b><br />
<b>Don't allow the brass name plate to tarnish.</b><br />
<b>And if statue is wood,</b><br />
<b>I think 'twould be good</b><br />
<b>If you added a clear coat of varnish.</b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-16456045252904626552018-12-11T00:03:00.004-06:002018-12-11T20:49:14.791-06:002980. Hidin' in the hood<b><span style="color: red;">The snatch of each girl individual</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Has a clitoris -- is it residual?</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Penis envy arises</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Due to their small sizes</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Perhaps, just like tails, they're vestigial.</span></b>The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5179119864914364117.post-17860218053579518342018-12-10T00:22:00.001-06:002018-12-10T08:50:45.563-06:002979. Chop chop to the chop shop<b>There's a tough Oklahoma small town,</b><br />
<b>Which makes many visitors frown.</b><br />
<b>Park your car not in Antlers,</b><br />
<b>The local dismantlers</b><br />
<b>Will steal it and tear it all down.</b><br />
Pop. 2,400The Limericisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02295894333491128936noreply@blogger.com0