Thursday, August 31, 2017

2635. Bountiful boobs

There's a beautiful girl down in Dustin
When men see her, they always start lustin'
She's their rodeo queen
And her tits are obscene,
Double G's --- make you want to start thrustin'.

Pop 381

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

2634. It was actually on 8/27

It's the birthday of my old friend, Jim
Who could spend a few hours in the gym
But it takes one to know one
Besides, a gym's no fun,
We'd each rather drink than get slim.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

2633. Be lewd to be laid

There's a small Okie town that's named "Greasy"
Do not try the cafe, you'll feel queasy
But if you should drop by
For some snatch on the sly
You'll find most of the girls to be sleazy.

Pop. 372.

Monday, August 28, 2017

2632. While you're at it, belt me

A show-offy rancher from Braman
Wanted cowboy boots made out of caiman.
No one had them in stock
So he said, "What a croc!"
And had a pair made by a layman.

Pop. 213

Sunday, August 27, 2017

2630-2631. Slow business day

A madam with attitude sunny
Found a lad on her stoop looking funny.

Asked him, "Whaddya want?"
The youngster said, "Cunt",
So she said to him, "Show me the money."

When the little guy pulled out one dollar
She said, "For that, no whore's a baller."
Confused, he said, "What?"
She replied, "Won't buy twat
But for 50 cents more, I will swaller."

Saturday, August 26, 2017

2625-2629. Killer AWADs

This week's offerings from A.Word.A.Day were extremely difficult for rhyming.  I suspected that many of the limericks submitted to for inclusion in the weekend roundup (the AWADmail) would have near-rhymes, so I took on the task of trying to avoid any and sent these in.  How'd I do?

Parergon (pa RUHR gahn) - an accessory, embellishment, or byproduct of a main work
A polar bear lived an iceberg on
Just wishing he had a parergon.
Found a turpentine can,
Thought it might yield a tan,
Then wondered, "Hey!  Where has my fur gone?"

Deterge (di TUHRGE) - to wash, wipe, or cleanse
Secret Service is having to splurge
On hotels, is it time for a purge?
Food at Trump's Mar a lago
Costs like it's from Spago,
How long before Don we deterge?

Trangam (TRANG um) - a trinket, puzzle, or odd gadget
Got a call from my friend, Larry Langham,
He said, "I'm in need of some trangam."
"My Monopoly™ game
Has no tokens --- a shame."
I told him, "No problem, I'll brang 'em."

Transitive - a verb that takes an object; or involving transition; or changeable, transient
Some Germans who really liked schmaltz
Gave cotillions in downtown New Paltz
The music, while dance-ative
Was certainly transitive,
Kept switching from polka to waltz.

Synoptic - relating to a summary or general view of something, or taking a similar view (as the first three Gospels of the Bible -- Matthew, Mark, Luke)
A Christian in Egypt, a Coptic,
Reads the Gospels in manner synoptic.
He does this on-line
Which is normally fine,
Unless there's a glitch fiber-optic.

Friday, August 25, 2017

2624. Hairy indianus

A bottom who lived in Beirut
Decided he'd learn to play flute.
Then a top came along,
Slipped the flautist his dong
And our music man gave a gay toot.

Title is a pun on "Gary, Indiana" --- a song from "The Music Man."
"Tops and bottoms" were explained in #2398 in Feb. 2017..

Thursday, August 24, 2017

2623. Perhaps he got 3 quarters of the way

An I-hope-to-get-laid lad in Spencer
Put three coins in a men's room dispenser.
Armed with two prophylactics
Tried using didactics
On girlfriend but couldn't convince 'er.
Pop. 4,024

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

2622. Logophilic loser

A virginal fellow from Skiatook
Decided 'twas time he should try a nook*
Passed by Borders' front door
On his way to a whore,
Got cold feet and went inside to buy a book.

Pop. 7,788.  * 'Nookie', not a digital reader.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

2621. A sterling suggestion

If you're hosting a dinner in Porum
Don't set out your silver by Gorham
The men are all rubes
Who just want so see boobs
Which is why all their spouses abhor 'em.

Pop. 716

Monday, August 21, 2017

2620. Or should we drink Corona?

In Missouri to see the eclipse
So excited, my heart's doing flips!
With darkness in toto
I may take a photo
Or two in between champagne sips.

We're going to watch in St. Clair, MO, which will have totality for 2m, 40s.  We still have 80 miles to drive, as the nearest place we could find a motel (we only decided this last Thursday) was St. Robert, MO.  Rolla (26 miles closer but still 54 from our destination) had zero rooms then!

Sunday, August 20, 2017

2619. Playing with blue balls

A basketball player from Byng
Was hoping to have a sex flyng.
Chose a pretty young girl
But she ended their whirl
By not sucking the guy's ding-a-lyng.

Pop. 1,191  

Saturday, August 19, 2017

2618. Leave Minco, don't blink though

If you're trying to locate Pocasset,
Don't drive too fast or you will pass it.

When asked, "Have you been?
What do folks do for sin?"
Most people will just remain tacit.

Pop. 202

Friday, August 18, 2017

2617. Colorado courtesy

If a friend transports you with gay pride
To a bar, and then joins you inside
Where some guy with ass tight
Suggests, "Let's spend the night,"
Please do not forget --- Telluride.

Friend Robin performs every summer at the Telluride Chamber Music Festival.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

2616. Jocular jism jane

A woman from 'East' Broken Bow
Is a light-hearted, pot-smokin' ho.
She fellates with a giggle
Which makes the guys wiggle,
It's known as the old jokin' blow.

Pop. 4,132 (and too small to be 'directional.')

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

2615. Bucolic backwater

Unless you enjoy cattle herdin'
There ain't many jobs found in Verden.
If you visit, talk plain
Else you'll have to explain.
The folks there don't like fancy wordin'.

Pop. 529

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

2614. Larynx hijinx

There once was a woman from Welch
Habitually, she would belch.
With a cock down her throat
She got every man's vote,

Each hoped rumbling vibes she wouldn't squelch.
Pop. 601

Monday, August 14, 2017

2613. Laid back with lassitude

In the Chickasaw town, Tishomingo,
If you want some excitement, play bingo.
Things move at a crawl,
People speak with a drawl,
Which sounds like a whole different lingo.

Pop. 3,101 and capital of the Chickasaw Nation (but HQ is now in Ada.)

Sunday, August 13, 2017

2612. Barrel first

A bitchy blonde wife down in Holdenville
Spent at least two hours daily a'scoldin' Bill.
Her much-maligned mate
One night settled her fate,
Shoved a baseball bat into her golden hill.

Pop. 5,780.  The fat part of a baseball bat is called the barrel.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

2611. Best with liver and chianti

If you dream of a great cup of java
Don't grind it from beans known as 'fava.'
Your friends will deride
If you do.  Then you'll hide
From them, wearing a wool balaclava.

I had seen that final word but only recently learned what one is.

Friday, August 11, 2017

2610. Poetic thrustus

Here's some info on Stephen Benét
From what I've heard, he wasn't gay.

Liked to cherchez les femmes
And his dick he would cram
Inside Edna St. Vincent Millay.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

2609. Chipper clipper

My hair stylist's name is René
He's always upbeat, and he's gay.
As he trims up my hair
He discusses Flaubert,
And quotes Stephen Vincent Benét.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

2608. A Delight-ful guy

He was born in the sticks and the brambles
Learned to shred a guitar into shambles
Because of this chap
Jimmy Webb's on the map,
Don't expect any other Glen Campbells.

GC died yesterday from Alzheimer's complications.  Born in Delight, Arkansas, he was 81.  Non-musicians may not understand a couple of things: 1) to "shred" a guitar is to play it amazingly fast (and well.)  2) Songwriter Webb became famous mainly due to Glen's recordings of Galveston, Wichita Lineman, and By the Time I Get to Phoenix.

2607. Getting his licks in

In the Love County Seat, Marietta,
There's a horny guy --- he's a go-getta.
Harrison's his first name,
Couldn't fuck his new flame,
And when she refused, Harry etta.

Pop. 2,707

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

2606. Schnozz with a nozzle

A Graham from the clan of Montrose
Was born with a really long nose
The fellow's proboscis
Was such a colossus
It rivaled a firefighter's hose.

Here is the Graham tartan:

Monday, August 7, 2017

2605. People artesian her about it

There once was a woman named Meggs
With a strong fishy smell 'tween her legs
She drove down to Sulphur
Let hot springs engulf 'er,
Her snatch now smells like rotten eggs.

Pop. 5,052.  A bit of history... and another.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

2604. From sack to sac

A broke coed, Jill, in Stillwater
(So, certainly, not a Phil daughter)
Sought a guy's big erection.
They used no protection;
In nine months, what broke was Jill water.

Pop. 31,254.  Home of Oklahoma State Univ.  Grahams attend OU.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

2603. Cut in the lawn

A little old lady in Shawnee
Loved guys who were tawny and brawny
When one worked in her yard
Shirtless, muscles all hard,
It caused her to say, "Well, I'll swanee!"

Pop. 31,254.   'Swan' is a southern euphemism for "swear."

Friday, August 4, 2017

2602. Blue gene babies

A Tulsa suburb known as Glenpool
Has lots of fine folks, it's no sin pool
But some intermarry,
And spawn kids quite scary
They prob'ly should deepen their kin pool.

Pop. 13K.  Title explained(?) here.
If that town sounds familiar, it's because I did a red version back in mid-March.  I'm not running out of towns, just memory.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

2601. Dry run

A young country bumpkin from Sallisaw
Came home from vacation with Dallas awe
There he'd fucked 15 whores;

The last few gave him sores
When their desiccate cunts rubbed his phallus raw.

Pop. 8,650

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

2600. Heroin experiences

Some people who live in Atoka
Sell drugs such as pot, meth, and coca
Something else you should know
Is that things move so slow
There, it's hard to live La Vida Loca.

Pop. 8,598  Illegal drugs are a major income source.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

2599. Cocky in both ways

A consummate cocksman in Carmen
Does things other men find alarmin'
To them, he's a blowhard,
To gals, if he'll grow hard
They'll find him disarmin' and charmin'.

Pop. 362