Sunday, July 31, 2011

11. Comments

Being new to this blogging stuff, I'm learning how the site works.  To make a comment, click on the grey or light blue wording -- "0 comments", "1 comment", etc. -- shown below each post.  A screen will then open where you can type your message.  If the link isn't zero, someone has already commented but you may certainly add yours, too.

An old high school buddy with handle "wanusp" was the first to do so.  You can read his initial comment (and my reply) under my first post, Start up Blog, all the way at the bottom of this blog.
I'm putting another follow-up to him here...

Not really a bite, but I nibbled
At Waynus P's rhyming of "ribald"
Please don't take it too hard
'Cause you still are my pard
And, in hindsight, I'm sorry I quibbled.


Good work, Wayne!

p.s.  He also commented under The Swimmer post.

10. SETI, yeti, no spaghetti

SETI is the acronym for the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence.  You've seen photos of huge radio telescopes (like in Arrecibo, Puerto Rico.)  They are "listening" for radio emissions from space.  You can join in the search from your home computer!  Start at http://setiathome.berkeley.edu/

Yeti is another term for the "Abominable Snowman" of the Himalayas (bigfoot or sasquatch in the USA.)

Theodore, an explorer in SETI
Set up camp on the broad Serengeti
For a clearer sky scan
He then went to Bhutan
Where poor Teddy was et by a yeti.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

9. Afghanistan

Many years ago I was challenged to make up a limerick rhyming Afghanistan.  You'll need to know three things in order for it to be appreciated (or not!)

1.  Byron Janis is an American concert pianist (now in his 80's)

2.  Carl Czerny (churn-ee) was an Austrian composer.  If you ever took piano lessons, your teacher probably made you practice his exercises to improve your dexterity.

3.  The Mannes (man-us) School is a prestigious musical institution in NYC.

An aspiring pianist from Afghanistan
Became a devout Byron Janis fan
Wrote he "Who can learn me
To master my Czerny?"
Replied pianist Janis, "The Mannes can."

8. Cockles and Muscles

Here comes another naughty...

I really like getting fellation.
Its concomitant awesome sensation
Makes the nerves in my cacle
Produce a debacle
Called premature ejaculation.

7. Eskimo's home

Completely clean this time...

An eskimo outside of Nome
Built his first igloo, shaped like a dome
Too small to be pleasic
Its shape geodesic
Could house but a midget or gnome.

6. Jazz man

I try to keep track of what inspires (?) me to rhyme certain words.  Today's catalyst was that I drove past a camera store named "Apertures."  Here's some "bass" humor for you:

A jazz man well-known as a dingus
Asked a fan "Would you like cunnilingus?
I'm eager to lap at your
Hair-covered aperture."
Reply: "I'd prefer Charles Mingus."

Friday, July 29, 2011

5. The Swimmer

Ok, it's about time I posted one without any redeeming social value.  I've decided I'll use red lettering in the really dirty ones to give a "heads-up" that smut lies ahead to those who don't enjoy downright filthy, vulgar, you-name-it humor.  Don't say I didn't warn you!

A fellow from North Carolina
Had a wife with a monstrous vagina
He could go for a swim
In her gigantic quim
And backstroke his way clear to China!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

4. Minnie Minoso

For some strange reason I was thinking of Orestes "Minnie" Minoso this morning.  He played baseball in the major leagues in five different decades ('40s thru 80's) and is one of only two players to have done that.

I'm old enough to remember him with the Indians and White Sox in the early-to-mid '50s.  Anyway, "Orestes" seemed like an interesting name to try in a limerick, so here's what I composed:

There once was a man named Orestes
Who adorned his small torso in Guess T's.
And though he wore brogans
The shirts' girlish slogans
Made folks ask "Does 'restes have testes?"

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

3. Schuyler

I've always liked the name "Schuyler."  Even wanted to name my son that but my wife interceded, saying "No one will be able to pronounce it, much less spell it!"  It is a homophone for Skyler, which I see more often as a girl's name than a guy's. 

Here's a "suggestive" limerick:

There once was a fellow named Schuyler
Who was known as an ardent beguiler
When he'd woo a young maid
(His intent to get laid)
He'd always succeed and defile her!

1-2. Start up blog

I  enjoy all manner of word play.  At the urging of several friends, I've decided to share my talent with a broad audience.

Just built this blog site and hope to post at least one "fresh" limerick per day -- fresh not only meaning "new" but often lurid.

I will start out with two I composed on 7/24/11 and posted at NPR's "Marketplace Money" website. They had asked listeners to send in limericks regarding the Debt Ceiling crisis. They liked the two I submitted and on 7/26, called me and had me record them over the phone for airing on their 7/30 show. Here they are:

The Hill won't adjust the debt ceiling
Which engenders a real sinking feeling
If they do not act soon
The economy will swoon
And the Dow will go crashing and reeling.


There's no love 'tween Obama and Boehner
Frankly, I cannot tell who's insaner
"Raise the ceiling! Don't linger!"
Or else get the finger
This decision should be a no-brainer.


If you, too, have original limericks, feel free to post them. However, I am specifying up front that I reserve the right to delete limerick attempts which have improper meter, scansion, and/or poor rhymes. Either stick to the true limerick form or don't bother to "contribute."  Later on there may be a post re: how a limerick must be written in order to meet the test.