Thursday, April 30, 2015

1686. Ewwwww

While having a mid-morning screw
A woman had need of the loo
But before she departed
She suddenly sharted
Which left the sheets smeared with her poo.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

1685. Scarlatti, too

In the birth year of Handel and Bach
1685 showed on the clock

And these bards of baroque
Used no mirrors or smoke
To compose at the head of the flock.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

1684. LONG time ago

A soldier on tour in Da Nang
Was possessed of a 13 inch whang
Though those times are bygone
Old hookers in Saigon
Remember the guy and say, "Dang!"

Monday, April 27, 2015

1683. Heavenly Hilton Head

When you visit The Sound Calibogue
You will see the occasional fogey
But no one acts gruff
When you light up and puff
On a wonderful, twelve dollar stogie.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

1682. Choose your rubber

Most dishes are made to be spongible
Though you might need a brush if they're grungible
For parts of our bods
Like our pussies and rods
A loofah and wash cloth aren't fungible.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

1681. GRAND child

I'm with Nora in South Carolina
So far, she is showing no sign o'
Reciting the law
Or pronouncing, "Mama"
Just 11 months -- sounds like a mynah!

Friday, April 24, 2015

1680. Memphis Rendezvous

Didn't dine on the island named “Mud”
If an upstream lock failed, it would flood!
Let my wife have first dibs
Picking place to eat ribs
Surely no ‘cue in Memphis is crud…

Spent late Tuesday afternoon strolling Beale Street, the Peabody Hotel lobby, and then meeting Ginger, an email friend I recently met thru A.W.A.D., at the renowned Charlie Vergo's Rendezvous Charcoal Ribs restaurant.  I can now take the eatery off my bucket list... but I WILL return!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

1679. Fall-back physician

An haute couture hooker named Horton
At the Hotel Ritz, did her consortin'
And as to the condom,
Cared not if johns donned 'em
Her doctor was great at abortin'.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

OP166. Thunder Blunder

Seems like OKC's GM, Sam Presti,
Has at times let his mind take siestae.
     First, his brash fit of pique
     Sent "The Beard" ‘cross the creek;
Now he's fired Scotty Brooks?!?  Fans are testy.

For the record, Presti's management decisions up until now have been impeccable with the possible exception of his impetuosity not to prolong negotiations to re-sign James Harden.

1678. Aryan carrion

When Hitler declared himself "F├╝ehrer"
He quickly became judge and juror
And hired Josef Mengele
To do those acts singula'
Attempting to make the 'race' purer.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

1677. Bowel moral

There once was a stopped-up old Scot
Who spent lots of time on the pot
But his constipation
Did not find cessation
Until he took Ex-Lax a lot.

Monday, April 20, 2015

1676. Icce homo

A fag had bad things in his lap
The worst of them being the clap
But he also had scabs
Left from scratching his crabs
He was quite an unsavory chap.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

1675. Moto cross (very)

There once was a rider from Truro
Who hauled his bike to an Enduro
But he couldn't get goin'
To win any coin
He'd left the keys home on his bureau.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

1674. Swiss mess

A skier in cold St. Moritz
Came down with a case of the shits
The crowd's mood was solemn
When she did the slalom
And sullied the snow with some bits.

Friday, April 17, 2015

1673. Baltic blooms

There once was a man from Estonia
Who had a bad case of pneumonia
A friend on a visit
Was somewhat inquisit-
ive, asking, "You want a begonia?"

Thursday, April 16, 2015

1672. Completing passes

A quarterback got in a fever
When he went off in quest of some beaver
He laughed and he grinned
When he fucked a tight end

Not so much with an old wide receiver.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

1671. Struggled to keep this one clean

That Olde English monk, Friar Tuck,
Had never had much prior luck
With the maids in his parish,
Who thought him too garish
And often would say, "My, you're muck!"

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

1670. Man of the cloth (or maybe Kleenex)

There once was a preacher named Pete
Who encountered two whores on the street
But Peter was loathe
To screw either or both
So he went home and just beat his meat.

Monday, April 13, 2015

1669. Hope she doesn't welsh on our deal

I often had wondered what men did
In the Philly suburb, Bala Cynwyd
Learned they loved fucking 'ho's
Who attended St. Joe's
So I found one and put in my sin bid.

St. Joseph's University is located nearby.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

1668. Oncology 101

An old ballerina named Asta Mize
Has pants which she now must elasticize
This once fine toe-dancer
Has uterine cancer
Let’s hope that it doesn't metastasize.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

1667. Cannes I be next?

There is a French woman in Nice
Who considers her life a caprice
With her legs in the air
And her pussy laid bare
She'll let any guy knock off a piece.

Friday, April 10, 2015

1666. Twain wreck of a limerick

Clemens' place in the pantheon's rightful
Though he sometimes wrote things that were spiteful
He may have been gauche
But only a 'skoshe'
And mostly, we find him delightful.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

1665. Midnight Cowboy redux

There once was a queer from Detroit
And at buggering, he was adroit
He did these acts sinister
With his local minister
But fantasized over Jon Voight.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

1664. Cad of a dad

Former Major League player, D. Tartabull,
Was voted by teammates, "Most Fartable"
As a father, this Danny
Ain't much of a man, he
Owes child support -- too big a cart t' pull?

He was named the top deadbeat dad in Los Angeles after allegedly failing to pay more than $275,000 in child support for his two sons

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

1663. Extra exercise?

A man with a dick like a log
Decided to go for a jog
And there on the trail
Fucked a San Quentin Quail
Which left other runners agog!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

1662. I'm a proud GP

We're about to go off on a trip
To see grandson, he's really a pip!
He's just eight months old
But if I may be bold
Off his grandfather's block, he's a chip.

PD189-193. A mixed bag of oldies

I'll be offline until April 7 so enjoy these on a one-a-day basis

There was a young girl named McKnight
Who got drunk with her boyfriend one night
She came to in bed
With a split maidenhead --
That's the last time she ever was tight.

There was a young lady of Asia
Who had an odd kind of aphasia
She'd forget that her cunt
Was located in front
Which deprived her of most of the pleasure.

A certain young man of great gumption
'Mongst cannibals had the presumption
To go - but, alack!
He never came back.
They say 'twas a case of consumption.

There was a young harlot of Clyde
Whose doctor cut open her hide
He misplaced her stitches
And closed all her niches
She now does her work on the side.

A decrepit old gas man named Peter
Whilst hunting around for the meter
Touched a leak with his light;
He arose out of sight
And, as anyone can see by reading this, it also destroyed the meter.

1661. Choose your organ

There was a young maid from Salinas
At the keyboard, she played sonatinas
And although she loved Bach
She was fonder of cock
So was always in search of a penis.