Saturday, May 27, 2017

2502. Sleepy town down south

The citizens in Tishomingo
For excitement go out and play bingo
And when that proves a bore
They go off to the store
For the latest recording by Ringo.

Pop. 3,075 and home to Murray Junior College.  Students enjoy claiming that they go to MIT -- Murray in Tishomingo.

Friday, May 26, 2017

2501. Thought I'd pull out an old joke, too

A horny young man from The Village
Takes out ignorant dates whom he'll pillage
He uses no condom
Safe sex seems beyond 'em
Pulls out pre-ejaculate spillage.

Pop. 9.4K
Q: What do sex and savings accounts have in common?
A: Early withdrawal causes loss of interest.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

OP425. I'm still here

I really don't mean to diss May
With the lack of a limerick display

You had seemed quite concerned
That my fortunes had turned
I assure you that I am okay.

Sorry.  I go into dry spells from time to time.  I really should be posting more here. Sometimes they come a little easier to me than other times.  I guess when I go weeks or months at a time without posting, it's natural to wonder what happened.

Congrats on 2500 limericks, by the way!

2500. Onan up to it

A few months after turning pubescent
A lad learned to jack off in Crescent
He would do it at home
Mesmerized by the foam
Which shot forth in a wad effervescent.

Pop. 3,674

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

2499. The I.C.E.man Cometh

The B.A.* lawmaker, Mike Ritze,
Has a bill which gives true Christians fitze.
He would create a panic,
Collect kids Hispanic
From schools to deport, what a ditz
e!
* Initials for Broken Arrow -- Tulsa's largest suburb (107K)


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

2498. The decrescendo method

i.e., she hopes loud leads to soft.
Out of birth control pills in Comanche
Mid-fuck, one girl screams like a banshee
In the midst of her sin
'Fore the guy pulls the pin
She can make him deflate fast (or can she?)

Pop. 1,423

Monday, May 22, 2017

2497. 5-22-17 AWAD

It means cozy; pleasant; friendly. 
When the USSR launched its Sputnik
It destroyed any chance for gemutlich
Between Khruschev and Ike
And his V.P. alike
Who proved later to be no astute Dick.

That would be Richard Nixon.

2496. Segregation by preference

The once-thriving town known as Boley
Was founded by black people solely
Who'd been slaves to the Creek
Tribe and made to be meek
Their treatment was wholly unholy.

Pop. 1,233 and still 55% African-American.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

2495. A peer from a seer

Should you move to the small town of Coalgate
I will bet I can tell you your whole fate
You will not find a job,

Be depressed and you'll sob,
Also have trouble finding a soul mate.

Pop. 1,931, with high unemployment.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

2494. FAR, not near, rhymes

This blog's gained a reader from Estevan
It's in very far southern "Saskatchevan"
Keep coming to visit!
It makes me inquisit-
ive; Swift Current Dave, where's the rest of 'em?

Yeah, I know those rhymes suck.  Improvements welcomed!

Friday, May 19, 2017

2493. AKA round pound

A circle-jerk entrant in Drumright
Shot sideways; he just couldn't cum right.
Guy to left (wiping splatter),
"I see what's the matter,
You fool, you're not holdin' yer thumb right!"

Pop. 2,831

Thursday, May 18, 2017

2492. It does not compute

PC wouldn't 'wake' down in Idabel
So I shook it and thumped, even tried a yell
But no lights would come on
All my data was gone!
I wonder how is it I fried a Dell?

Pop. 7K

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

2491. Suppose he ever Asta if he could?

In the panhandle town, Boise City,
Lived a youngster whose toys were all shitty
At the movies it seemed
That he quite often dreamed
About sucking on Myrna Loy's titty.

Pop. 1,266

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

2490. Mid-state mendicant

There's a destitute bum down in Chandler
As a kid, he once had fever gland'lar
Guess it took his ambition
A job's not his mission
Instead he is just a panhandler.

Pop. 3,245

Monday, May 15, 2017

2489. Girls know not tumesce with him

A teenager born in Coweta
Cannot screw Nancy, Jane, or Lolita,
Due to one major thang --
"He's" transgendered.  His whang
Just stays flaccid 'cause it's a faux petah.

Pop. 9,559.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

OP424. Happy Mother's Day, ladies!

Hey, you mothers! You know what you've done
To become a mum (not quite a nun)
What a time that you've had
To enjoy being bad
But it's true that the dad had more fun!

Not sure how many 'mothers' frequent this site, or ladies, for that matter, but I think they all should! Reading limericks is a genderless source of fun; writing them, a genderless art! So give her the gift of a 'free subscription' to The Limericist, a site for sore eyes! She'll be thrilled! (I should know... I'm a woman!)

Ed. note:  It's also a site for sore thighs but regardless, Suz, I like your site-sight pun.

2488. Tough town

The criminals living in Sand Springs
Pay little attention to banned things
They trespass and speed
Some cook meth or smoke weed
Others undress and do public hand springs.

Pop. 19,783

Saturday, May 13, 2017

2487. Beggs the question, "Which girls?"

In the bucolic village of Beggs
Guys oft polish off kegs to the dregs
If they don't get too drunk
They enjoy spilling spunk
From their pegs stuck between a girl's legs.

Pop. 1,247

Friday, May 12, 2017

2486. Putting the fun in fundamentalist

The OKC suburb, Warr Acres,
Has a whole lot of Satan forsakers
They forgo too much sinning,
Spend time at soul-winning
Too bad they don't get many takers.

Pop. 10,229.  Denizens are represented by US Rep. Ernest Istook & State Rep. Sally "the homophobe" Kern.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

2485. Mouthy bitch

A hooker in small, dusty Cashion
Was known far and wide for tongue lashin'
No, not "chewin' your ass",
She did "suckin' with sass"
And made sure that each john got a ration.

Pop. 847.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

2484. 5-9-17 AWAD

While boating upon a small runnel
I spotted a tornado funnel!
Had no time to abort --
The craft listed to port
And the water rushed in o'er the gunwale.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

2482-2483. How many more straws 'til the last?

Today DJT fired Comey
Don's totally mad, perhaps foamy
At the mouth.  I beseech
The damned House to impeach
Before brain and small hands get more roamy.

Has there ever been anyone zania?
Are you fully fed up?  Does he pain 'ya?
I'm totally sated,
God never created
An ass with more megalomania.

2481. Run? I'll pass.

Troy Aikman's hometown, Henryetta,
Made that boy follow rules to the letta
Began college (OU)
Broke his leg, switched to U.
C.L.A where he played even betta.

Pop. 5,927. After Aikman broke his leg in the 4th game of the 1985 season, OU coach Barry Switzer reverted to the Wishbone offense and won that year's Nat'l. Championship.  Troy transferred & starred as a passer during his two years at UCLA (and in the pros.)

Monday, May 8, 2017

2480. Witness stand and de liver

A drunken judge out west in Shattuck
Began to have troubles hepatic
He said, "If it please
The court, I have DT's,
You may find my decisions erratic."

Pop. 1,385.  Uck... those rhymes were icky.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

2479. Was the picture grainy? On rice paper?

There once was a weird man in Poteau
Who stuffed his wife's cunt with risotto
He then sucked it out
While his friend sneaked about,
Attempting to take a great photo.

Pop. 8,732

Friday, May 5, 2017

2478. Broken Bad

A meth cook in small Eldorado
Would squeeze the stuff like it were Play-Doh™
When one batch blew up
The result was abrup'
Damage worse than an F5 tornado.

Pop. 435.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

2477. Giving a hand

Back to Okie towns for a few days...
A poor armless fellow from Boynton
Would use his erections for pointin'
If a girl wandered by
And had pity, oh my,
Ten hand strokes and she'd get an anointin'.

Pop. 246

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

2476. Steroid stupidity

A bulked-up weight lifter named Guido
Liked to strut down the beach in a Speedo
But no girl could he please
'Cause the banned PED's
That he'd taken had killed his libido.

2475. Craigslist tryst

A gay couple down in Las Cruces
Advertises for Percys and Bruces
When e'er they find a pair
Altogether they share
In rump riding, fellatio, and gooses.

2474. What a swell performance

A bulimic stripteaser named Birgid
At least three times daily regurg-ed
It kept her so lithe
That when she would writhe
The men in attendance grew turgid.