Politely writ would've been worse
Though, rightly, it should've, in verse
Degrading pretense or
Evading the censor
So nightly - shit! Could've, in curse!
See if you can spot what I did here. I've been wanting to write one in this format for a LONG time. Hope I did it justice.
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteLines 1,2, and 3 respectively:
politely/rightly/nightly
writ/it/shit
would've/should've/could've
been/in/in (at least pronounced similarly)
worse/verse/curse
and the first syllable of each line rhymes too - po, though,so.
Then lines 3 and 4:
degrading/evading
pretense or/(the)censor
You freakin' genius! How long did that take you?
Yes, you have to pronounce been like "bin" instead of "bean" for it to work, as well as the like "thee", but they are both acceptable pronunciations.
DeleteIt's somewhat clever, the storyline is coherent, and I managed to keep alliteration in L1 and L5. I didn't want to just fulfill the basic requirements of the pattern I wanted; I wanted it to be a good limerick on its other merits. It's probably not my best if you look at it simply as a normal limerick, but I think it passes the sniff test even on that scale. Therefore, I'm proud of it.
I wish I could find the limerick that inspired me to write in this format, though. I've been looking for it and can't seem to find it. It was better than this one. I don't remember all the words, but the last words of L1, L2, and L5 were spherical, miracle, and lyrical. If I find it I'll post it here as a PD limerick.
Ditto, Dave (but I think Suz meant to write, "Lines 1,2 and 5, respectively.")
ReplyDeleteYes, thanks Phil, that is what I meant to write. I'm getting brain fog again; it's those long hours at work again. I hate it.
DeleteWell, I'd discussed this with Suzanne a few days ago. I told her I had once seen a limerick that followed this pattern (though fuck if I can find it), and that I'd love to do it myself someday. Today was the day. Phil, did you spot it on your own?
ReplyDeleteThis one actually took me a while. 3 and 4 came easily, but 1, 2, and 5 were harder. At least an hour.
Maybe now I can relax and focus on something else. I'm always looking for new limerick formats to try. Any ideas are welcome.
Shame on me... I didn't spend long at all looking for your canny patterns, then got distracted.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wanted to do it in a way that didn't simply fulfill the requirement of the format, but was also somewhat clever. Because a bad limerick is a bad limerick no matter the degree of difficulty of the format. I think I did well enough.
ReplyDelete