One French fellow's works may cause panic
Some are dissonant, birdlike, and manic
But when played on the keys
By an organist, please
Know that lots find his stuff Messiaenic.
Upon hearing works by Olivier Messiaen, detractors shout, "Jesus!" for a different reason.
I should have written another 5 lines and entitled the two stanzas "The Messiaenic Verses."
ReplyDeleteHey, Maestro, it's not too late! Go for it! (I'm waiting... patiently... )
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and breathe, Suz. I don't want to Rushdie process. Besides, with "Messiaenic" in L5 I wouldn't want it appearing again in the title.
ReplyDeleteI sort of like "ordure." It provides a learning moment for some readers.
I see your point, but I myself don't feel that mentioning 'Messiaenic' in title AND verse would compromise its integrity. Like a movie, the film should always be a reflection of the title, even if it's repeated. (okay... just sometimes, then)
ReplyDeleteBut I do like the new addition to my 'Limericist Vocab List' - "ordure"
Now I can tell someone they're full of ordure and they won't have the know-how or time to retort! Hahahahaha!
So, with your decision, I took it upon myself to be a bit cocky and write a second verse here about Messiaen's music:
It's unsettling, weird, a phantasm
Sometimes somber, then fits of a spasm
If you hear every piece
You are sure to release
A substantial increase in orgasm.
Nicely done, but your L4 implies a guarantee, which I don't think his music would provide to many folks. Also, L5 leaves me scratching my head. Can an orgasm be quantified w/o mentioning either duration or grandeur?
ReplyDeleteTo my ears it would be improved with L4&5 reading
You've a chance to release
A substantially better orgasm
or something like that... but I may be too picky.
Yes, you're right, I didn't really specify what caused the increase. Now that it's been brought to my attention, your last 2 lines make it unambiguous, much clearer. Thanks for the help.
ReplyDeleteI think I may have mistakenly and subconsciously made the word 'unsettling' in L1 to sound out as 4 syllables. Looking at it now, someone else might read it as having 3. So I'm not sure if it needs changing. (e.g. put 'and' after 'unsettling')
settle = 2 syls, ergo settling (spoken settle-ing) = 3 syls... at least to my ears.
ReplyDeletePerfect! So, since I wrote the word "unsettling,' the 'un' makes it 4 syllables in total (just as I had hoped). Then it isn't my lazy subconscious after all.
ReplyDelete