Monday, July 6, 2015

OP175. Ode to the Limericist

I know an old poet, Phil Graham
Too masculine for me to lay him
Foremost among mentors
For young verse inventors

Is this proper homage to pay him?

I have to admit, I think my limericks have gotten better since I first joined this site.  It helps to have someone around who's been at this longer than I have, and generally do quality control, and give tips when it may improve my work.  For instance, here is where I learned the importance of making alliteration my ally.

3 comments:

  1. I am beaming, Dave! Thanks for the kudos. You even used the Scots' pronunciation of my surname -- Gray-um. The US generally just says 'gram.'

    OK, ONLY because you mentioned quality control and tips, I think your limerick has scansion problems. Here's a suggestion:

    I know an old poet, Phil Graham
    Too masculine for me to lay him
    A marvelous mentor
    To young verse inventor
    Is this proper homage to pay him?

    L2 - with 'male', it requires 'may-ull' to scan
    L3 - 'magnificent' has one-too-many syllables
    L3 into L4 - mine avoids 3 straight unstressed syllables
    L4 into L5 - mine avoids 3 straight unstressed syllables

    But I still love that you wrote it!!!

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  2. You're right, it is better your way. You even kept the m in L3 for alliteration.

    See, you're still helping me. Which is why I wrote the limerick at all.

    I'll edit it now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i went with something a little different for L3 and L4. The stressed syllable is still an m so I keep alliteration, and L4 sounds better as a plural if I have to cut a syllable.

    The scansion problems should be gone now. And your constructive criticism is welcome anytime. How else will I improve?

    ReplyDelete