Tuesday, September 20, 2016

OP346-352. I have a bone to pick, no bones about it

The following words contained within this multi-stanza limerick DO reflect the opinions, beliefs and past experiences of its author (and has been that way for years; take it or leave it!)

I know this may sound kinda mean
But I can't stand a guy who's too lean
When we hug, I'm just wrangling
A torso that's dangling
And feel like I'm strangling his bean.

When I stand side by side (what a scene!)
With my li'l anorexic machine
Even though I am slim
I look fatter than him
So you'll never see photos onscreen.

Making love is a stressful routine
With the sheets, he gets lost in between
He just seems so damn frail
When his arms start to flail
And he calls me his mean wolverine.

These skinny guys must have a gene
That makes them uptight, a bit mean
They can't seem to relax
They should eat some more snacks
And cut down on their daily caffeine.

Scrap that bean pole, that stick figurine
For a guy with a shoe size eighteen
A teddy bear clone
Who's got meat on each bone
Who won't fall when against him I lean.

He'll protect me and he'll intervene
If a thug comes along unforeseen
Then my sweet honeycomb
Will just carry me home
Where my king will treat me like his queen.

As for extracurricular fun
He'd be better than most anyone
Just a-hugging and squeezing
And tugging and teasing
Till plugging and pleasing is done!


  1. After eighteen "een" endings, I was ready for that seventh stanza, Suz!

    Nicely done, and "plugging" is a new, cute euphemism. I suspect I'll be stealing it before long...

    By the way, I'm 5'9" and 245. When shall I show up on your doorstep?

  2. Oops, yes, I didn't meeean to drive you nuts with all those teeny weeny eenies. I'm glad the 'uns' gave you some relief at the end.

    But now that you mention it (the 'een' rhyme), I just became aware of a mix-up I made, thanks to my sleep-deprived brain. There's another multi-stanza limerick that I have, which actually meant to be posted here (instead of the one you see). THAT one I've been working on a little bit every day. THIS one here comes from a previous contest where the word 'lean' was required (but I added the last stanza, which is now only exclusive to you). I had both of these 2 projects on written rough copy sheets that were sitting one on top of the other, and I used the one from the contest instead of the one meant for today (duh!) No big deal; I'll save that one for a week or two from now.

    Height and weight? Hahahahaha perfect! Yeah sure, come on over and... oh wait... over 2100 miles is... oh forget it! Well that's too bad! I'm 5'4" and 135 (I lost a few pounds this month from not having the time or energy to make proper full course meals during my work marathon) Lately I've craved sleep more than food.