Thursday, November 24, 2016

2306. Thanksgiving advice

You can whip up some gravy that's murky
And can dress Friday's sandwich with Durkee™
But what e'er else you do
Please make certain that you
Serve mashed 'taters and dressing and turkey.

In 2013, our local newspaper asked readers to submit T'giving traditions.  I sent the following, which was published and received many kudos:

Thanksgiving Instructions for the Cook

 1.    It’s ‘dressing’, not ‘stuffing.’  You remove the giblets from the bird.  You don’t "stuff" anything back inside to replace them. 
 2.    In Oklahoma, dressing is made with cornbread, not oysters.  It's baked in a large Pyrex dish (or three or four) and I want to taste the sage.

 3.    Make plenty of giblet gravy.

 4.    Put mushroom soup and french fried onions atop the green beans if you must, but the beans have to be limp.  Who is Al Dente, anyway?
 5.   Ideally, you roast a turkey.  You don’t smoke it, deep-fry it, or buy only a breast to cook.  Some of us prefer dark meat.
 6.    Make plenty of giblet gravy.
 7.    Serve sweet potatoes if you want, but they’re no good with gravy so why would anyone eat them?
 8.    Don’t try some cutesy cranberry salad recipe.  Just serve that gelatinous ‘cylinder of sauce’ right out of the Ocean Spray can (sliced, of course.)  It’s only on the table for the color, anyway and besides, one bite of cranberry anything means one less bite of mashed potatoes and gravy.
 9.  Ambrosia, yes.  Waldorf salad, no.

10.  You make mashed potatoes with only 3 additives – milk, butter, and salt – and you make triple the amount you think will be needed.

11.  Make plenty of giblet gravy.

12.  At a minimum, two desserts - - - pumpkin and pecan pie.

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