1614. Smegma smut

There once was a man from Belize
Whose johnson was covered with fleas
They laid their small eggs
In the crotch of his legs
Also under his foreskin's head cheese.

1613. Hubbard belonged in a cupboard

Scientologists all want to chase
'Round Bermuda, that staid isle of grace
Their b'liefs will not grant us
Surcease from Atlantis,
That antediluvian (non) place.

1612. Size matters (population, that is)

A queer from near Faversham moped
For he found it quite hard to get groped
'Til he moved just off Kensing-
ton Square, where his mincing
Walk advertised just as he'd hoped.

1611. You're left Canada dry

A gal up in cold Nunavut
Is an orally-fixated slut
The way she can suckle
Will make your legs buckle
It's sad; of her type there's no glut.

OP162. For the master

There once was a fellow named Phil
Whose penis could no longer thrill
He'd never get laid
Except with the aid
Of a powerful little blue pill.

If I ever get enough of these to write a book, I'll surely include you in the thank yous, and with this limerick.  Unless I think of a better one by then.  But that would surely take me several more years of limericks, especially at my recent pace.

1610. Bucktown pour la bouche

A chef down on Lake Pontchartrain
Cooks food from which I can't refrain
He serves a charcuterie
Of pork there in Metairie
With flavor that's simply insane.

Forgive the near-rhyme of lines 3&4.  They originally read
   He serves a bouquetiere
   Of lamb there in Metairie
but it's not pronounced boo-KET-uh-ree (as I've heard a few waiters mangle it.)

If you don't like the 'ut' and 'et' then
A chef down on Lake Pontchartrain
Cooks food from which I can't refrain
He serves a fine roast
Of lamb shanks on toast
With flavor that's simply insane.
but I really was trying to rhyme Metairie.  Sigh...

1609. A handsome reward

Find it hard, girls, to sometimes 'get off'
When you and your man have a boff?
Just reach down and rub
On your hard little nub;
You might come 'fore he shoots and goes sof'.

1608. Teaching moments

Poor limericks stick in my craw
To their authors I lay down the law
I have antecedents
Quite well-known as pedants
This trait must have rubbed off on moi.

My favorite two-word joke is,
Supercilious?  Moi?

PD181-182. Two that stick out

Said a diffident lady named Drood
The first time she saw a man nude,
"I’m glad I’m the sex
That’s concave, not convex
For I don’t fancy things that protrude."

A lesbian lassie named Anny
Desired to appear much more manny
So she whittled a pud
Of mahogany wood
And then let it protrude from her cranny.

1607. Our changing language

A word that was formerly lewd
Is now hardly thought of as crude
It once just meant 'mated',
Ameliorated
'Til now we mean 'cheated' by screwed.

1606. 'Sleep Throat,' maybe?

A hooker who called herself Precious
When it came to blow jobs was rapacious
Claimed she'd sucked ninety thou-
sand guys' dicks -- can't see how,
I would say that her stats are fellatious.

1605. Blackjacks... to the head

Last night I tried out the casino
The dealers all treated me mean, oh
They made me bereft!
By the time that I left
My stack's size was 'bout like a neutrino.

1604. How to flub a dub

A commoner felt quite delighted
When he learned he was due to be knighted
Met the queen, tried to squelch
A big upcoming belch
But he couldn't and got uninvited.

1603. Keep 'em off the sidelines, too

A Super Bowl player named Brock
Showed a female reporter his jock
He stretched the elastic
And said words bombastic
Like, "Watch how this fits on my cock."

1602. The hype makes me gripe

It's Super Bowl Sunday, big deal,
During halftime I'll just eat my meal
Don't care which team's winning
Or if Katy's* sinning
I guess you know now how I feel.
(About as deflated as the Patriots' balls.)

* Katy Perry is the halftime entertainment and "sinning" is a reference to Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction eleven years ago.