2663. Sari for this one

On a campus just outside Mumbai
I picked up a girl walking by
Outcome?  Ineluctable
She just wasn't fuctable.
'Tho I gave the old college try.

2662. Oil Barons' warrens

Downtown Tulsa's akin to a ship
Where this morning we'll walk a tour trip.
Down under her gunwhales
Are several tunnels
For giving kidnappers the slip.
Waite and brother Frank Phillips founded Phillips Petroleum.  W.G. Skelly, Josh Cosden, and J. Paul Getty were other filthy-rich Tulsans of the early 20th century, when the city was known as "The Oil Capital of the World."

PD320-325. Clean and clever

There was a young lady from Hyde
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented
The apple fermented --
Made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She took off one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who noticed her lovers were few;
So she walked out her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she's in bed - with the flu.

There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
She said, "Try as I can
I can't find a man
Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

Sad husbands can all testify
To a wedding they cannot deny.
'Cause they know 'where' and 'when'
They got married, but then,
What escapes them exactly is 'why?'

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.

PD316-319. Strange names, same games

There was a young idler named Blood,
Made a fortune performing at stud.
With a fifteen-inch peter
And double-beat metre
He came like the Biblical Flood.

There was a young hayseed named Tiffan
Whose pecker would constantly stiffen.
The knob out in front
Attracted foul cunt
Which he greatly delighted in sniffin'.

A space shuttle pilot named Ventry,
Was fucking a lovely girl sentry.
She started to pout
Because it fell out
But the mission was saved by re-entry.

There was a young fellow named Charteris
Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
Said she, "I don't mind,
Higher up you will find
The place where my fucker and farter is."

2660-2661. Powder-keg polemics

Trump's in need of the sternest rebuke.
Calling Kim "Rocket Man" makes me puke.
Don should make temporizing
And not "temper rising"
Moves, else they may send us a nuke.

Yes, we could have war, thanks to Trump.
His rhetoric's priming the pump.
With speech diarrhea
He's irked North Korea,
Him/Kim: pus-filled boils on earth's rump.

2659. Auto-erotic euphemism

A southpaw named Lefty O'Doul
Used his right hand to jerk off his tool
In the barnyard, well he
Simultaneously
Used his left one for loping his mule.
"Loping your mule" is perhaps less well-known than "chokin' your chicken", "spanking the monkey", "dating Rosy Palms", et al.

2658. A well-behaved youngster

The golfing phenom, Jordan Spieth,
Loves teeing his ball on the heath.
You won't hear him cuss
Or create too much fuss
When things go bad, just grits his teeth.

2657. Staying abreast of things

At times I have been known to tipple
But at least I don't drink that crap, Ripple™
When tight, I've been told
That I've grown rather bold
Asking girls, "Hey!  May I suck your nipple?"

2656. Golf spelled backward is...

With his mind not on golf but on ass,
A guy found his ball in tall grass.
From deep in the fescue
Tried using a Rescue™
And made triple-bogey, alas.

In 2003, TaylorMade Golf Co. invented small-headed metal-woods to replace difficult-to-hit long irons.  They called them "rescue" clubs.  Now every company offers them and, generically, they're called "utility clubs" -- no good for escaping deep grass, though.

Here's a cute poem (not original):
I knew I had him when I saw where he stood
He was knee-deep in Johnson Grass, reachin' for a wood.

2655. A nursery (c)rime

Two horny shoe-fetish galoots
Decided to work in cahoots
They saved their best hugs
For women in Uggs™
'cause each really liked puss in boots.

2654. Airport, here I come

While in San Juan with glass of sangria
Was told of oncoming Maria.
I settled my tab,
Had them call me a cab
And then told the bartender, "I'll see ya!"

2653. Can't stave off hunger

There's a fat flaming faggot named Farrell
Whose butt is as big as a barrel
If your wish is to sodomize
You'll find that his bottom lies
'neath 5 yards of très gay apparel.

2652. Stamp of disapproval

There once was a school girl named Natalie
With habit of being quite tattley.
She'd go tell the teacher
If you were a breacher
Of rules.  Later, took up philately.

2651. Leaking like the Valdez

That damned Donald Trump put a hex on
My stock in the oil giant, Exxon,
When he chose (my sad fate)
Secretary of State.
Oh, why did he ever put Rex on?
On 2/1/17 -- the day Tillerson was appointed -- Exxon-Mobil fell from $83.89 to $82.94.   It had dropped to $76.10 by 8/30 but, due to the havoc of Hurricane Harvey, is rising and closed at $80.07 yesterday.

2650. Rube lube

In the throes of a summer cold, I
Found my wife's twat to be very dry.
Coughed up a big oyster
To moisten her cloister,
It then felt like blueberry pie!

2649. Stem-ing the flow

The Sister's meatus was key
To insuring (mid-prayers) she'd not pee.
She chanted, "Qui tollis"
With one gladiolus
Stuck in it precariously.

2648. Who watches this crap?

"Real Housewives" are always a'bitchin'
Grab remote and commence channel switchin.'
Jersey's, New York's, and Cal's
Are all back-stabbing gals
And you'll rarely see one in the kitchen.

2647. How did he orient himself?*

The emperor known as Vespasian
Had a weakness for women Eurasian.
If their eyes had that slant
He'd confess, "I just can't
Help but fuck one on ev'ry occasion."
*Are their gashes vertical, horizontal, or at a 45º angle?

2646. Big Brother, 33 years later

The minions in Russia want mutiny,
They are mostly fed up with Vlad Putin, he
Was once KGB
And I'd say, probably,
That his spies still keep proles under scrutiny.

2645. Maniacal in manacles

The pris'ner had been nowhere danker
Than the hold as the ship lay at anchor
To pass time, whipped his dong
All the day and night long
(Up until it developed a chancre.)

2644. Cold as I.C.E.

The Donald says, "Overturn DACA!"
His heart and his brain are like caca.
He hasn't an ounce
Of concern; let ICE* pounce
And deport kids to, say, Cuernavaca.
* Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

2643. Extra points for creativitiy

I do not think of sex as a chore
When my sports-fan wife comes thru the door,
Gets on rug, tugs off tights,
Raises legs like uprights
And exhorts me to, "Come on and score!"

2642. Pitiful pecs

I should lay in the sun and get tan boobs
For as I have aged, I've grown man boobs.
I hate when I hear
That I need a manssière!
On guys, I think God oughtta ban boobs.

2641. Monday's AWAD

A brickmason called the hod porter back,
Saying, "Hey!  Would you please bring my mortar back?"
"No!," hod man said crabbily,
"You're working so shabbily
I must play Monday Morning Quarterback."
The final three words, which aren't anapæstic, were the 9/4 AWAD and were challenging.

2640. Riviera riskiness

A man living in Cannes, surname Cabot,
Had a bold and a dangerous habit
On the beach there in France
He would dangle his schwantz,
Tempting poodles to stretch up and grab it.

2639. A new tack

I've rhymed enough small Okie towns
No doubt I've brought readers some frowns
So from here and on out
I'll quit being a lout
And try making you laugh just like clowns.

2638. No need for a rain gauge

A meteorologist's rage
Will come out if he's stationed in Gage.
The town's God-forsaken,
No rep. he'll be makin'
He'll only see dust storms and sage.
Pop. 436.  For years, Oklahoma TV stations have reported the temperature in Gage.  I assumed it had a weather station but have been unable to find anything supporting that.

2637. No Frito-Lays for him

A boy in the burg of Bokchito
Had a penis the size of a Cheeto
Its shape was odd, too,
With that same orange hue,
Only swelled when bit by a mosquito.
Pop. 653

2636. Water we doing later?

If you go to a boat race in Hydro
Bleacher seats are the best on a side row
There's one sculler named Clyde
Who can make his shell glide,
So sit back and enjoy watching Clyde row.
Pop. 962 and no lakes.  Named for abundant wells.