Thursday, August 29, 2013

PD81-PD87. Rollicking Religious Relics

Each of the following is from a small (but very good) collection by Ray Allen Billington.  It is entitled LIMERICKS HISTORICAL AND HYSTERICAL with copyright 1981 by W. W. Norton and Co., NY.  More specifically, all of those below are purported to have been composed by members of a now-defunct(?) group of Chicagoans who called themselves "The Society of the Fifth Line."
A short-peckered rabbi named Stu
Was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife said, "Oy veh!
You keep on this way
The Messiah will come before you!"

There was a young preacher from China
Who loved boys but thought birds diviner
But he gets little tail --
In fact, he's in jail
Being charged with corrupting a mynah.

There once was an amorous abbot
Who longed to get into the habit
Of a virginal nun
Whom he scragged on the run
(They've injected her pee in a rabbit.)

A postulant, perfect and celibate,
Found his passions beginning to well a bit
But his nightly repression
Found fluid expression
Annointing the roof of his cell a bit.

At a born-again Baptist conversion
A preacher kept urgin' a virgin
'Til she finally gave in
When he said, "It's no sin
So long as it's total immersion."

A lecherous curate of Leeds
Was discovered one day in the weeds
Astride a young nun.
He said, "Christ, this is fun,
Far better than telling one's beads."

A born-again Christian named Claire
Was having her first love affair
As she climbed into bed
She rev'rently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."

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