This is my first foray into Gilbert and Sullivan land. May not be my last. Should it be?
A G&S song called "Tit Willow",
Like most of their stuff is quite sillow.
Sung in The Mikado
Without much bravado
Still, caused their bank balance to billow.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
607-608. Hookers
A street-walking woman named Bolling,
Each night hits the sidewalks for strolling.
She will pick up some guys
Who she'll let 'tween her thighs --
In vernacular, she goes out "trolling."
There is an odd bastard named Hugh,
'Bout women, he hasn't a clugh.
Although he has paid
Two or three to get laid,
He still doesn't know how to scrugh.
Each night hits the sidewalks for strolling.
She will pick up some guys
Who she'll let 'tween her thighs --
In vernacular, she goes out "trolling."
There is an odd bastard named Hugh,
'Bout women, he hasn't a clugh.
Although he has paid
Two or three to get laid,
He still doesn't know how to scrugh.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
606. Top o' the mornin'
Pretty Erin grew up Ma- and Pa-less,
And she turned out to be rather lawless.
She screwed and cavorted
With breasts unsupported,
A pure case of Erin go bra-less.
And she turned out to be rather lawless.
She screwed and cavorted
With breasts unsupported,
A pure case of Erin go bra-less.
OP20-24. Wait ‘Til I Tell You ..
This story limerick came from a new reader. He wishes to be known as "The Twisted Cowboy."
Wait ‘Til I Tell You A Tall Tale Of The Toll For Some Tail
There once lived a gal of great beauty
In a house known for its ill reputy
Cops wouldn’t arrest her
But instead they caressed her
Then claimed they were doing their duty
The boys came from miles far away
Just to see through her thin negligee
She’d dance then she’d giggle
And prance with a wiggle
Then join each for romps in the hay
Ere long she was swollen and red
And felt like she’d rather be dead
So she went to a doctor
Who promptly defrocked her
And prescribed she spend more time in bed
As her tummy grew bigger and bigger
She could see she was losing her figure
But her cries and her screams
Went unheard so it seems
‘Til her kid bellowed shrieks with more vigor
All the whores treated her with great scorn
Which soon left her feeling forlorn
So she got up and dressed
Then she headed out west
Where she now is a star of fine porn
Wait ‘Til I Tell You A Tall Tale Of The Toll For Some Tail
There once lived a gal of great beauty
In a house known for its ill reputy
Cops wouldn’t arrest her
But instead they caressed her
Then claimed they were doing their duty
The boys came from miles far away
Just to see through her thin negligee
She’d dance then she’d giggle
And prance with a wiggle
Then join each for romps in the hay
Ere long she was swollen and red
And felt like she’d rather be dead
So she went to a doctor
Who promptly defrocked her
And prescribed she spend more time in bed
As her tummy grew bigger and bigger
She could see she was losing her figure
But her cries and her screams
Went unheard so it seems
‘Til her kid bellowed shrieks with more vigor
All the whores treated her with great scorn
Which soon left her feeling forlorn
So she got up and dressed
Then she headed out west
Where she now is a star of fine porn
Friday, March 16, 2012
605. Getting it... up
A horny young pilot, Pierre,
Liked fucking his girl in the air.
He'd position his sweet
On his lap in left seat
And then roger her tight derriere.
(This happened in a Fokker. He also did boys -- it was a bi-plane.)
Liked fucking his girl in the air.
He'd position his sweet
On his lap in left seat
And then roger her tight derriere.
(This happened in a Fokker. He also did boys -- it was a bi-plane.)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
603-604. Sorry for deserting you
A library lady, Lynette,
Decided my interest to whette.
Gave me novels on disk
With plots that were brisk,
My drive to the desert? No swette!
While trav'ling on one of my flings,
I wound up in sunny Palm Springs.
My brother played host
And we sure made the most
Of tennis, golf, scenery and things.
Decided my interest to whette.
Gave me novels on disk
With plots that were brisk,
My drive to the desert? No swette!
While trav'ling on one of my flings,
I wound up in sunny Palm Springs.
My brother played host
And we sure made the most
Of tennis, golf, scenery and things.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
595-602. 8 day's worth
These will have to suffice until The Ides, when I return.
Connecticut's wealthy town, Darien,
Has a wasteful old woman named Marion.
Money she has amassed
Most likely won't last,
For at spending, you won't find her tarryin'.
A hooker (and horrible looker),
Had a pimp whom she used as her booker.
When johns came to her place
And they looked at her face
They'd put sacks on her head 'fore they'd fook 'er.
A Roman named Coriolanus,
Withheld the plebes' grain -- very heinous!
He was put on display
In a Will Shakespeare play
And portrayed therein as a big anus.
There once was a bastard named Billy,
Who could really disgust a young filly.
While taking a leak,
He'd force her to peek
And to shake the dew off of his lily.
A man (hard of hearing) named Leffer,
Got wed to a healthy young heifer.
And although she roared
Her desires were ignored,
For old Leffer could not have been deafer.
A carefree old gal named Ramona,
'Round the house would wear just a kimono.
When its closure would gape,
Her man thought of rape
And he'd suddenly get a big bona.
There once was a sports fan named James,
Who hadn't much luck with the dames.
On first dates, wouldn't go
To a new picture show --
'Stead he'd take 'em to basketball games.
While sucking the dick of a black,
A queer said "Please cut me some slack.
Your cock is so big
That my mouth cannot fig
Ure out how it can take your whole pack."
A queer said "Please cut me some slack.
Your cock is so big
That my mouth cannot fig
Ure out how it can take your whole pack."
Connecticut's wealthy town, Darien,
Has a wasteful old woman named Marion.
Money she has amassed
Most likely won't last,
For at spending, you won't find her tarryin'.
A hooker (and horrible looker),
Had a pimp whom she used as her booker.
When johns came to her place
And they looked at her face
They'd put sacks on her head 'fore they'd fook 'er.
A Roman named Coriolanus,
Withheld the plebes' grain -- very heinous!
He was put on display
In a Will Shakespeare play
And portrayed therein as a big anus.
There once was a bastard named Billy,
Who could really disgust a young filly.
While taking a leak,
He'd force her to peek
And to shake the dew off of his lily.
A man (hard of hearing) named Leffer,
Got wed to a healthy young heifer.
And although she roared
Her desires were ignored,
For old Leffer could not have been deafer.
A carefree old gal named Ramona,
'Round the house would wear just a kimono.
When its closure would gape,
Her man thought of rape
And he'd suddenly get a big bona.
There once was a sports fan named James,
Who hadn't much luck with the dames.
On first dates, wouldn't go
To a new picture show --
'Stead he'd take 'em to basketball games.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
593-594. Gamboling trip
I've always loved road trips and will be making one starting tomorrow. I'm meeting my brother in Palm Springs to watch some of the Indian Wells tennis tournament, play some evening blackjack at a nearby Indian casino, and perhaps get in a round of golf. I'll return on the 14th but plan to post LOTS of limmies tomorrow to tide you over.
A bad tennis player named Bob,
Had only one shot -- the high lob.
But he hit them so short
His opponent's retort
Was to smash overheads by the gob.
A sinful old codger named Campbell,
Goes out to Las Vegas to gamble.
Fucks two or three hookers
(All very good lookers),
To win back their cost, he must scramble.
A bad tennis player named Bob,
Had only one shot -- the high lob.
But he hit them so short
His opponent's retort
Was to smash overheads by the gob.
A sinful old codger named Campbell,
Goes out to Las Vegas to gamble.
Fucks two or three hookers
(All very good lookers),
To win back their cost, he must scramble.
Monday, March 5, 2012
592. Cthulhu
My title is a mythological, malevolent beast in several stories by H. P. Lovecraft. I didn't know this until today, when the word arrived in an email from another limerick writer. After looking it up, I sent her
Your use of the arcane word, "Cthulhu",
To me seemed to be quite a lulu!
Your marvelous schtick
Made me Google it quick --
Up 'til then, thought it might have been Zulu.
Your use of the arcane word, "Cthulhu",
To me seemed to be quite a lulu!
Your marvelous schtick
Made me Google it quick --
Up 'til then, thought it might have been Zulu.
591. Abbreviations
Commercials now seen on TV,
Seem to me not to be too PC.
At least the inflection
"Can't get an erection"
Has been euphemized as ED.
Seem to me not to be too PC.
At least the inflection
"Can't get an erection"
Has been euphemized as ED.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
590. Tight fit
This one was inspired by Madeline Kahn's parody of Marlene Dietrich in Blazing Saddles. Her character was Lili Von Schtupp.
There once was a soldier named Funk,
There once was a soldier named Funk,
Who sneaked a fat girl to his bunk.
But he couldn't schtupp her
(No room 'neath the upper)
She had too much junk in her trunk!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
588-589. Brothers' blunder down under
There once was an Aussie named Florence,
Who looked upon men with abhorrence.
For when she was a kid
What her brothers once did
Was to pee on her bod in great torrents!
Who looked upon men with abhorrence.
For when she was a kid
What her brothers once did
Was to pee on her bod in great torrents!
Her mood swings are totally spiky.
When she feels just a touch,
It upsets her so much
That she's liable to holler out "Crikie!"
Friday, March 2, 2012
583-587. And yet more composers
Old Carl Maria von Weber,
Wrote works you should play for a neighbor.
They are classic and clean
Like a well-oiled machine
But we don't hear that much of his labor.
The composer named Francis Poulenc,
Is considered of medium renc.
Musicologists say
He was openly gay,
And you can take that to the benc.
Jean Sibelius could have been dandier,
If his lifestyle had been a bit randier.
He hasn't much fame
Because few folks can name
Anything that he wrote, 'cept Finlandier.
(Actually, his seven symphonies are quite good.)
The French master, Gabriel Fauré,
Is one we should highly regardez.
He wrote with the beauty
Of some stunning cutie
I met while attending a soirée.
Guitar writer Manuel de Falla,
Penned things of which I do not tiah.
His works, when Segoviated,
Were not ever bloviated,
I listen because they inspiah.
Wrote works you should play for a neighbor.
They are classic and clean
Like a well-oiled machine
But we don't hear that much of his labor.
The composer named Francis Poulenc,
Is considered of medium renc.
Musicologists say
He was openly gay,
And you can take that to the benc.
Jean Sibelius could have been dandier,
If his lifestyle had been a bit randier.
He hasn't much fame
Because few folks can name
Anything that he wrote, 'cept Finlandier.
(Actually, his seven symphonies are quite good.)
The French master, Gabriel Fauré,
Is one we should highly regardez.
He wrote with the beauty
Of some stunning cutie
I met while attending a soirée.
Guitar writer Manuel de Falla,
Penned things of which I do not tiah.
His works, when Segoviated,
Were not ever bloviated,
I listen because they inspiah.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
582. My exercise regimen also
A sluggardly woman named Daisy,
Likes walking on days that are hazy.
Goes only one block
So you won't find it shock
Ing that Daisy is awfully lazy.
Likes walking on days that are hazy.
Goes only one block
So you won't find it shock
Ing that Daisy is awfully lazy.
581. Mean moniker
There once was a scumbag named Tucker,
Whom everyone called a cocksucker.
But he wasn't gay,
'Twas the stuff that he'd say
Which would cause your old asshole to pucker.
Whom everyone called a cocksucker.
But he wasn't gay,
'Twas the stuff that he'd say
Which would cause your old asshole to pucker.
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