2873. We get frosty looks in return

Air conditioning causes, I'm told,
A fellow to act really bold
In bars where he tipples
And looks at girls' nipples,
Protruding since air is so cold.

There are 122 days left in the year and I'm 127 limericks short of 3,000.  Unless I again lose interest, should be a snap to make it.

2872. Managerial magic

Since firing their leader ersatz
St. Louis has really great stats!
I cheer for my Cards
In all the ball yards
Where they play with their balls (and their bats.)
On 7/14 they replaced manager Mike Matheny, whose record was 47-46.  After starting off 4-5 under Mike Shildt they have gone 24-8, winning their last 10 series.

2871. Given the turd degree

Two college fraternity buddies
Both liked scatalogical studies.
They wrote Master's theses
On elephant feces,
What shitty and strange fuddy-duddies.

2870. Beyond my ability

For 40 months AWAD has been publishing my puns on the words.
Today's word is roister-doister!  How's a guy to pun on that?
I am instead sending in this limerick.

I can't possibly pun "roister-doister"
Couldn't even if locked in a cloister.  
I think Garg's trying to thwart
My contemptible art 
To make certain the world's not my oyster.
(Anu Garg is the founder and wordsmith at AWAD.)

2869. Auto erotic

No moon, it was totally dark,
Got my date to undress, car in 'Park'
With her feet on head liner
I fucked her vaginer,
My ass bore the steering wheel's mark.

2868. I'm hot to twat

My "rep" this will probably tarnish
But the truth I do not plan to varnish
Pussy hound that I am
I would eat J-Lo's clam
Adorned with a small bit of garnish.
(Only parsley true.)

2867. Requiem for a comedic giant

I cannot do justice by rhymin'
That marvelous playwright, Neil Simon.
Made me laugh 'til I cried
Sad to hear that he died,
Broadway's heights he'll no longer be climbin'.

2863-2866. Requiem for a Republican

McCain's gone; a kind, moderate man.
I'm a Dem but was mostly a fan
No Tea Party looney,
With voice strong, not puny
Served decently as so few can.

In Hanoi, Navy pilot McCain
Spent 66 long months in pain
Trump called him "no hero"
Which shows what a zero
We have as our nation's worst bane.

A "mav'rick" John often was called
And his votes could leave fellow-REPs galled.
His idea of what's "right"
Was not "far" nor to spite
Those who on left of aisle were installed.

He lived his last days in good humor
Not easy when you've a brain tumor.
His replacement, I've heard
Might be some fascist bird
Here's hoping that's only a rumor.

2861-2862. Going down Mexico way

While having some hummus on pita
Washed down with a rocks margarita
My thoughts often stray
To a Hispanic lay
I once had; what a sweet señorita!

When I snuggled with her on that day
To be truthful, she wasn't a "lay."
The term "señorita"
Was more "señor eatah,"
No fucks but she blew me away!

2860. Deflated mouse

Don't strauss over this one...

At last his girl did as he urgèd
Their supple young bodies they mergèd
He shot some huge wads
From both left and right cods
Which left his dick no longer turgid.
(Wonder how long before he was able to bat again?)

2859. No profanity but is it profane?

My ego is very prodigious,
Don't cross me or I'll get litigious.
Though I take time to pray
It's done only one way...
In my bed.  Guess I'm just sack religious.

2857-2858. A Twofer last Tuesday, 8/21

Tuesday, Manafort (first name is Paul)
Took a hard and a well-deserved fall
This gives Democrats hope
For impeaching "The Dope"
'Cause so long as he stays, he'll appall.

The Left Wing is cheerin' and glowin'
Celebrations we ought to be throwin'.
Stormy got paid to "hush,"
Michael got the bum's rush
First from Trump, then the judge.  Bye, bye, Cohen.

2856. Magnificent MILF

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2855. Doubt this will keep you in stitches

An old Jewish tailor named Cohen,
Is constantly goin' and blowin'
Those verbs in Line 2
Have nothing to do
With things sexual, just with his sewin'.

2854. Vicarious views

A gorgeous gal golfer named Creamer
Makes me horny; how I'd love to ream 'er.
But she'd spurn my advances,
My hole-in-one chances
Are better; I'll just stay a dreamer.
First name Paula.  I'd like to maul 'a and let her hold my trophy like that.

2853. Taking attorney for the worse

Herr Trump has a lawyer who's scrawny
And obsequious (aka fawny)
His brains show a paucity,
Props Don with ferocity
How weird is that guy Giuliani?

2852. I'd letter do me

I enjoy a cigar from Havana
While list'ning to Carlos Santana.
And when those are through
I'd sure love to screw
Wheel of Fortune's blond bombshell named Vanna.

2849-2851. Trade off (WAY off)

Right-wingers do not seem to care if
Trump adds the occasional tariff
'Tho nations retaliate
Fox News will just palliate
The damage.  I say, "Call the Sheriff!"

We're paying so much more for steel
Car-makers are starting to reel
Crop exports way down
Causing farmers to frown
Ain't "America First" just ideal?

Manufacturing's taking a bashing
Work forces are seeing some slashing
But Don's smart, went to Wharton
No need for consortin'
With trade partners (hear their teeth-gnashing?)  

2848. Or use a sack

When girls have a big pair of hooters
They probably won't lack for suitors
Who cares if their features
Remind of space creatures
We'll fuck not their faces, just cooters.
(Apologies.  I've used those 1-2-5 rhymes many times before.)

2847. Suddenly ubiquitous

Is your book really true, Omarosa?
Did you break rules just like Sammy Sosa?
By making big scenes
And spilling the beans
You've become a TV virtuosa.

2846. 'Sarah honest bone in her body?

So mendacious is Huckabee-Sanders
She surely does raise press corps danders
The left wing decries
All her out-and-out lies
And she spins things whenever Don panders.

2845. It pays to advertise

An oversexed student named Stoner
Couldn't int'rest his girl in his boner
'Til he unzipped his pants,
Pulled it out, made it dance!
Within moments he'd made her a moaner.

PD360-365. More Worldly Pleasures

There was a young monk of Dundee
Who complained that it hurt him to pee,
He said, "Pax vobiscum,
Now why won't the piss come?
I fear I've the c-l-a-p."

There was a young parson of Harwich,
Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage.
She said, "No, you young goose,
Just try self-abuse.
And the other we'll try after marriage."

There was a young man of Lahore
Whose prick was one inch and no more.
It was all right for key-holes
And little girl's pee-holes,
But not worth a damn with a whore.

There was a young man of St. John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those birds are reserved for the dons."

There was a young man of Coblenz
Whose ballocks were simply immense:
It took forty draymen,
A priest and three laymen
To carry them thither and thence.

There was a young man of Australia
Who went on a wild bacchanalia.
He buggered a frog,
Two mice and a dog,
And a bishop in fullest regalia.

2844. Father of computing

None of the AWAD limerick writers was able to get a pure rhyme on 'cabbage' yesterday.  I could think of only one.

A polymath, not too political,
Did sometimes hear remarks which were critical.
Though Sir Charles Babbage
Did not earn much cabbage
He built engines called "Analytical."