Thursday, December 8, 2011

406-407. Places (to do it), everyone

A deep-voiced young Trekkie named Garth
Led a sweet, willing girl near his hearth
On the carpet, he laid her
Where he did inVader
She gave him the nickname of 'Darth.'


There once was a rascal, quite able
Who took home a woman named Mabel
Never got to his bed

Couldn't wait, so instead
She got fucked on the dining room table.

405. Hunter gatherers

A very odd family, the Mitchells.
They practice some unseemly rituals.
Like catching stray cats,
And Norwegian rats,
Then serving them up as their victuals.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

404. Bartók can shock

A fine violinist named Eric,
Has a group that plays works esoteric.
Quartets writ by Béla
Just never do fail-a
To leave unwashed listeners choleric.

403. Rhyming this algae gave me neuralgy

There once was a lass named Elvira,
With cunt hair much like spirogyra.
It was really obscene,
Very slimy and green,
Unlike most pubic hair -- which is wyra. 
(wiry)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

401-402. Opera opera

First one is true.  She will be missed!
The great Frederica von Stade
Is no devil, but wears clothes by Prada
Though retiring, this diva
Still gives me a fiva.
If asked for her faults, I'd say "nada."


An opera tenor named Oscar
Was born on the Isle Madagoscar.
Although he is black
His Otello does lack
Cav'radossi's his best role (in Toscar.)

Monday, December 5, 2011

400. Another hundred completed.

To her new boyfriend's dark bedroom hollow,
Down the hallway a maiden did follow.
While sucking his dick
Thought, "When he shoots his slick
Stuff should I spit it out or just swallow?"


That one was inspired by the joke
Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and just showin' off?
A: It depends on whether your girlfriend spits, swallows, or gargles!"

399. If I only had a brain

The actor and hoofer, Ray Bolger,
Could dance like a fired-upon soldier.
In Over the Rainbow

Appeared as the scarecrow
And drank coffee only from Folger.

398. Carnival Caper

A lucky young fellow named Leo,
Went to Carnival way down in Rio.
A bare-breasted maid
Dancing in the parade
Then screwed him that evening for free-oh!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

PD23-25. Famous conversations

There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
Said she, "Stop your plumbing,
There`s somebody coming!..."
Said he, "Yes I know, love, it's me."

Said a woman with open delight,
“My pubic hair’s perfectly white.
I admit there’s a glare
But the fellows don’t care
They can find it more quickly at night.”

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

397. Used a Gerbil?

There's a rumor about Richard Gere,
Which claims that he just might be queer.
I won't label him wrongly
And doubt it quite strongly,
(Though he is kinda cute with that leer!)

Friday, December 2, 2011

395-396. Persians

There once was a Persian named Darius,
Who was known to be very gregarious.
Of his cock he was proud
And sometimes in a crowd
He would show it!  An act most nefarious.


There is a young woman named Mahrsi,
Who settled in Brooklyn (Canarsie.)
She came from Iran,
So not one neighbor can
Understand her.  She speaks only Farsi.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

OP16. Iodine deprived

I received an email from a Mr. Brian Gray of Lanham, MD.  He had discovered this site by plugging "limericist" into his search engine.  He then emailed me at limericist@cox.net with this one:

In a strange woman's bed I did loiter
For a dawn's-early-light reconnoiter
And the fabulous knockers
I'd fondled when schnockered
Were really a pendulous goiter


Thanks, Brian.  Considering your "dawn's-early-light" reference and the fact that you're in Maryland, did this escapade take place near Ft. McHenry?  :-))

393-394. Papa Bach

That amazing composer named Johann,
Wrote counterpoint equalled by no man.
For choirs, wrote cantatas;
For strings, wrote sonatas,
To play them you can't have a slow han'.

For clavier he wrote all those inventions,
Plus preludes and fugues that need mentions.
But the Goldberg Variations
Still give me sensations
Which may not have been his intentions!

392. (S)extinguished

A fellow whose dick, when it hardent,
Was at sexual matters quite ardent,
Started fucking so fast
His girl thought "He can't last!"
And she sprayed him with fire retardent.

391. "I only had one beer, officer."

A hard-drinking fellow named Fowler
Was grumpy and often a scowler.
He would go to a pub,
Have a beer with his grub,
Half-a-gallon it was - in a growler.