388-390. It's a red-letter day

I have limericks for all kinds of weather,
My composing job's light as a feather.
It's handy that 'fuck'
Rhymes precisely with 'suck'
For I sometimes will use them together.

There once was a fellow named Buster,
With a girlfriend whom he liked to fluster.
Decided to corn-hole
Her ne'er-before-worn hole
And when she complained then he cussed her.

An adventurous wife wanted sumpin'
Else done down below, started grumpin'.
Told her husband "Try lickin'."
Said he "I'm too chicken,
You'll just have to settle for humpin'"

386-387. Follicly challenged

His most-performed work is "The Four Seasons."
The Italian composer, Vivaldi,
In later life likely turned baldi.
So in "Winter" he'd go
Down to warm Monaco,
And play for the family Grimaldi.

A man with a very bald pate,
Did work that was just second-rate.
When told to get better
He said "I've a fetter --
You've put way too much on my plate!"

385. Sacs for snacs

A goal-setting faggot named Greer,
Enjoyed giving hum-jobs, that queer!
He set him a quota
Of three hundred scrota
To suck on each calendar year.

384. Plane and simple(ton)

A timid young lady named Rooney,
Took her first airplane ride in a Mooney.
But she got acrophobic
While up there aerobic
And jumped with no chute - what a looney!

383. Undirty Gerty

Gerty and Trudy are both diminutives of Gertrude.
An unmarried woman named Trudy
Was purely, demurely, just prudy.
Though many men tried,
They all were denied;
She's not lewdy and cannot be screwdy.

382. Perhaps this one belongs in the tarlotte

You can sense the final word early on.  I hate when that happens!
There once was a woman named Charlotte,
Who could turn people's faces to scarlotte.
Words said by this whore --
Plus the clothes that she wore --
Made it clear she was Charlotte the harlotte.

PD21-22. Extra, Extra!

After reading #376 about the Princetonians with its 5th line lagniappe, my younger brother was reminded of these two from Legman's The Limerick and suggested I post them.
There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
At a quarter to nine
They sat down to dine;
At twenty to ten it was in her.  The dinner, not Skinner -- Skinner was in her before dinner.

There was a young fellow named Tupper
Who took a young lady to supper.
At a quarter to nine
They sat down to dine;
And at twenty to ten it was up her.  Not the supper -- not Tupper -- It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner!

OP15. Suggestion taken - thanks!

Today, a reader left an excellent comment under #362.  My title indicates that it is the 15th post supplied by "Other People."  Here is what "Anonymous" suggested:
There once was a hooker named Margo,
Who setup shop down in Key Largo.
The cops handling vice
Thought this wasn't too nice
So they slapped on her trade an embargo.

He also wrote two good football limericks in his comment to #370. 

Another awesome response is the one done by Amanda B. Reckendwith as a comment to my #368.  By adding an 'e' to the end of the folks' names, he made them rhyme (in French) with "load," yielding a superb story and punchline!

By the way, if you'd like to become a 'poster' to this blog, please email me for instructions.  Comments are also welcomed but don't (generally) expect me to copy your supplied limericks into an actual post. 

PD20. I'm not consonant with the spelling

The Brits pronounce it "CHUM-lee" -- why I don't know, but it makes for a great limerick!
A popular girl is Miss Cholmondeley,
She's youthful, attractive and colmondeley,
And never objects
To suggestions of sex,
But simply cooperates dolmondeley.

381. Lobster Humidor

Trying to give to his wife a sensation,
A man placed in her 'clam' a crustacean!
But the critter's sharp claws
Pinched her clit, gave her pause!
The cops charged him with lewd molluskation.

Try some others from the archives down the right side of the page!

380. 2nd onanism euphemism

While choking his chicken, young Nick
Realized he was going to be sick!
Couldn't get to the throne
But instead, gave a groan
And then threw-up all over his prick.

379. Herb (un)stuffing

A gal with a cold, name of Hazel,
Would flavor her cooking with basil.
It was cheaper than Vicks
And somehow would fix
Her all-stuffed-up passages nasal.

378. Theme from 2001 - A Space Odyssey

His first name was Richard (pronounced REE-card.)
A German composer named Strauss,
Should not be considered a lauss.
Also Sprach Zarathustra
Is something I used tra
Have on a CD in my hauss.

377. Why do you think it's called a pickup?

A horny young Hebrew named Folan,
Resides in the Heights known as Golan.
Goes out in his truck
In search of a fuck,
And practices what's known as trollin'.

376. Smart girl

A fellow at Princeton, a student,
In regards to safe-sex wasn't prudent.
He took out a soph
Whom he thought he could boph,
Since he carried no condoms, he cudent.  ('Cause she wudent.)