2986. And use a french letter

When try'n to impress some young twat
Murm'ring, "Je ne sais quoi" hits the spot.
She will ask, "Are you Francophile?"
Then after you've sank awhile
Inside her say, "I don't know what."

2985. More turnover

Trump's White House will never run simply.
There's no permanence; he does things limply.
It isn't so zany
That he'd pick Mulvaney
As Chief of Staff (but only temply.)

2984. Man dates?

A Professor of Maxims named Richtem
Had two girls in class, made each a victim.
Tried to teach them his sayings
But both gave him nayings,
Since they wouldn't learn 'em, he dictum.

PD412-417. So saccharine

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.

Though most of the crewmen were whites,
Uhura had full equal rights.
Her crewmates, you see,
Loved De-mo-cra-cy,
And the way that she filled out her tights.

I remember a fellow named Louie,
Who ate 17 bowls of chop suey.
When the eighteenth was brought,
He became overwrought,
And we watched as poor Louie went "Blooie!"

According to experts, the oyster
In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
May frequently be
Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.

An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick
Set his sights upon scoring a "hat trick."
He went into the stands 
And clobbered three fans 
With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick?

I think God uses bathrooms," sighed Claire, 
"But it makes Dad get angry and swear. 
If Mommy is slow 
When he's wanting to go, 
He shouts, "God! Whatcha doin' in there!?"

2983. It Arnott very large

When it comes to the town of Arnett
Many folks won't go there on a bett.
It's near the panhandle
But can't hold a candle
To saunas if you want to swett.
Pop. 523

That title reminds me of what must have been my first pun.  When I was about eight, my mother told me that my father's WWII platoon had been the first American unit to cross the Arno River.  I reportedly said, "How could they if there arno river?"

2982. Hush, hush sweet harlot

You got 36 months, Michael Cohen,
There are lines you and Trump were not toein'.
Bribing Stormy and Karen
Got Democrats swearin'
That Donald had undergone blowin'.

PD395-PD411. From a fecund fuckin' website

With the year-end in sight, I feel it's time for mass quantities.
There was a young harlot named Schwartz
Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
And they tickled so nice
She drew a high price
From the studs at the summer resorts.

A fellow whose surname was Hunt
Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:
This versatile spout
Could be turned inside out,
Like a glove, and be used as a cunt.

A highway patrol buff named Claire,
Once screwed half a troop on a dare,
And her parts grew so hot
There was steam on her twat
So they nicknamed her Smokey the Bare!

"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
 "You have told me my bosom is snowy;
 You've made too much verse on
 Each part of my person,
 Now DO something - there's a good boy!"

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates
But a fall on his cutlass
Did render him nutless,
And pratically useless on dates.

She wasn't what you would call pretty,
And other girls offered her pity:
You would never have guessed
That her Wasserman test
Involved half the men of the city.

A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

A wicked stone cutter named Cary
Drilled holes in divine statuary.
With eyes full of malice
He pulled out his phallus,
And buggered a stone Virgin Mary.

There's a charming young lady named Dooley
Who's often been screwed by yours truly,
But now--it's appallin'--
My balls always fall in!
I fear that I've fucked her unduly.

There's a sports-minded coed named Sue,
Who's been coxing the varsity crew.
In the shell Sue is great,
But her boyfriend's irate,
When she calls out the stroke as they screw.

The ancient orthographer, Chisholm,
Caused a lexicographical schism 
When he asked to know whether 
'Tween covers of leather
He should use "g" or "j" to spell "jism?"

There was a young sapphic named Anna
Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,
Which she sucked, bit by bit,
From her partner's warm slit,
In the most approved lesbian manner.

There was a pianist named Liszt
Who played with one hand while he pissed,
But as he grew older
His technique grew bolder,
In concert, jacked off with his fist.

There was a young fellow name Tucker
Who, instructing a novice cock-sucker,
Said, "Don't bow out your lips
Like an elephant's hips,
The boys like it best when they pucker."

There was a young fellow named Blaine,
And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
She was ugly and smelly
With an awful pot-belly,
But... well, they were caught in the rain.

There was a young fellow named Bowen
Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.
It grew so tremendous,
So long and so pendulous,
'Twas no good for fuckin' -- just showin'.

There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.

2981. Avoiding a statue of limitations

If a sculpture in life you should garnish
Don't allow the brass name plate to tarnish.
And if statue is wood,
I think 'twould be good
If you added a clear coat of varnish.

2980. Hidin' in the hood

The snatch of each girl individual
Has a clitoris -- is it residual?
Penis envy arises
Due to their small sizes
Perhaps, just like tails, they're vestigial.

2979. Chop chop to the chop shop

There's a tough Oklahoma small town,
Which makes many visitors frown.
Park your car not in Antlers,
The local dismantlers
Will steal it and tear it all down.
Pop. 2,400

2978. Off-bran offering

When in need of Ex-lax™ in Pocasset,
There's no drugstore; it's hard to stay tacit.
You'll say ev'ry foul word
When stopped up with a turd
And relief will not come 'til you pass it.
Pop. 140

2977. On old US-66

When you drive thru the town of Elk City
It may cause your windshield to get gritty.
Though it isn't the norm,
Sometimes a dust storm
Will blow in, leaving things less than pretty.
Pop. 11,500

2976. Someone told me

To view all porn channels takes months
But you'll see many sexual stunts.
Of the girls who don't shave
(Dominatrix or slave)
The brunettes have the hairiest cunts.

2975. First McCain, then 41. Who can The Right revere now?

George Herbert has been laid to rest,
Of the Bush fam'ly, he was the best.
Well, unless you count Barb
Who wore pearls with each garb;
Each one lived life with honor and zest.

2974. Killing the Dow thru his Dao

Said Don, "Take a look at this carafe...
It's from China!  I'm adding a tariff."
It seems he does revel
In playing The Devil
While thinking that he is a seraph.