PD412-417. So saccharine

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.

Though most of the crewmen were whites,
Uhura had full equal rights.
Her crewmates, you see,
Loved De-mo-cra-cy,
And the way that she filled out her tights.

I remember a fellow named Louie,
Who ate 17 bowls of chop suey.
When the eighteenth was brought,
He became overwrought,
And we watched as poor Louie went "Blooie!"

According to experts, the oyster
In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
May frequently be
Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.

An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick
Set his sights upon scoring a "hat trick."
He went into the stands 
And clobbered three fans 
With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick?

I think God uses bathrooms," sighed Claire, 
"But it makes Dad get angry and swear. 
If Mommy is slow 
When he's wanting to go, 
He shouts, "God! Whatcha doin' in there!?"