1780. Two thumbs up

"Slide in your whole hand, use your right.
Next your left, 'cause I think it just might
Also fit in my trap;
Now, try hard to clap
See!  I told you my pussy was tight!"

1779. 1st Family Reunion for the toddlers

Some folks have grandkids by the dozens
And litter Facebook with their buzzin's
Wife and I have but two;
Guess what we're gonna do?
Go to see their first meeting as cousins!
14-mo-old Nora, her parents, and my wife and I are descending on New Jersey today to visit just-turned-one-yesterday Tommy and his parents.

1778. Never-heard word he thought rhymed

There once was a fellow named Frazier
Whose day job was being a glazier
After working with glass
He'd go looking for ass
Saying, "Hey!  Show me what's in your brassière!"

1777. A nether way

Said an unhappy housewife named Laurel,
"I'm tired of just fucking and oral."
Her husband then dinked her
In her anal sphincter
And Laurel sang out anthems choral.

OP192. Not enough dick for a long limerick

An early contender for this week's contest.  I had to look this word up.

The timing is quite opportune
For an off-color rhyme that's jejune*
A short penis joke will
Always get a cheap thrill
But the verse, like my dick, ends too soon.

*Jejune - displaying or suggesting a lack of maturity.

1776. Despicable despot

King George the Third may have been daft
We protested tea tax, he just laughed
Independence was sought
And, through war, it was bought
Cutting U.S. adrift like a raft.

1775. "Listen, my children.."

For the number above, just think 'year'
And it might bring to mind Paul Revere
Henry Wadsworth* took pride
In Paul's long midnight ride
We Yanks find his stanzas quite dear.
* First and middle names of Longfellow.

OP191. Undressed for success?

It's still my 33rd birthday where I am, so ...

I applied for a job I desire
I convinced them I'd be a good hire
But they told me when I
Showed up in suit and tie
"Birthday suit isn't proper attire."

1773-1774. Marriage disparaged

I'm hoping to finally sate
My sex drive before it's too late
All the dollars I've paid
To those whores to get laid
Have my wife acting very irate.

When we last bared our bodies to mate
I remember it just didn't rate
Yes, my wife blew her chance
To keep hot our romance
If she'd blown something else, I'd be great!

1772. Eating more than dust

A woman and wannabe masta
At Nascar tried hard to go fasta
With her Ford, led a race,
Couldn't keep up the pace
And lost late: she let one bowtie pasta.
(Due to its logo, "bowtie" is slang for a Chevrolet.  And the driver wasn't Danica Patrick -- she has driven Chevys since 2013.)

OP186-190. Blowing it

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1771. Drip-dry trip

Hey fellas, when down in Tijuana
Don't think of your girl at home, Donna;
Get a suck for a buck
And, with luck, get a fuck
Which does not give that rrhea called 'Gono.'

1770. Big giveaway

At poker, you'd better play well
Or it might mean your house you must sell
For the pot can't be bought
Betting more than you've got
When the whole table's onto your tell.
A 'tell' is a mannerism that indicates your cards - good or bad.

1769. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey

Here's some bolt advice for screwing...
Lovely Hera got married to Zeus
Whose prick was as thick as a spruce
It was no fun for mortals
To enter her portals
Her cunt, once right tight, was left loose.

1768. Grist for my mill

I'm no fan of C&W music.  In fact, I'm proud to say I've never heard either of these persons sing, even though Shelton is from my home town.  Still, I guess they're topical so although this one isn't up to my standards, here goes...
Miranda and hubby, Blake Shelton
No longer will duets be beltin'
They've decided to part
Leaving each with a heart
That's now frozen and will not be meltin'.