OP515-516. Out with the old, in with the new

I believe I'm now signing off, too
It's been fun to rhyme for each of you
Oh, now don't shed a tear
I shall soon reappear
So I'll see you next year here, woohoo!

New Year's Eve, and you might end up plastered
Just don't drive and end up a dead bastard.
'Cause this blog will be needing
More limerick reading
Which you have exceedingly mastered!

OP514. Urine for a treat

OP513 reminded me of this one.  I was certain I had already posted this here, but I guess not.

For a treat I decided to go
To the vendor I shelled out the dough
Now I wish I had known
That my yellow snow cone
Had been made out of real yellow snow.

OP513. Even glasses won't help

There once was a colorblind fellow
Who'd pee outside, feeling quite mellow
Someone should let him know
Not to eat any snow
As it tends to just go kinda yellow!

OP512. It must be writer's block

I've been up half the night and all day
And can't think of a damn thing to say
Right now, thinking's a strain
And it's causing me pain
As the fog in my brain blocks the way.

OP511. Crazy advice from crazy women

"You are what you eat," said my nanas
(Bohemian dames with bandannas)
"As you fill up your guts
To the depth of your butts,
Stay 'way from fruits, nuts and bananas!"

OP510. Too lazy to migrate?

As I refill the hummingbird feeder
I have made their food just a bit sweeter
For an energy boost
'Cause the cold has reduced
Power flow, now induced with this treat, sir!

2754. Spewing spunk in her bunk

Thanks for this one's inspiration (from OP509,) David.  Wow!  This makes two consecutive days I've posted, but now I may go two weeks before doing another.  It's more fun without pressure.

Dave is proud of his agnosticism.
Though I'm Christian, with us there's no schism.
For we both realize
That between a girl's thighs
Is the best place for spurting one's jism.

OP509. The perfect woman

For all of my life, I will pine
For a girl with a body that's fine
And some junk in her trunk
I like girls that have spunk - 
But of course, I prefer that it's mine.

2752-2753. For the well-red reader

Suz requested a rhyme that's risqué
From Dave, but he has yet to play
And so although it's Christ-
mas I think I'll write piss,
shit, fuck, cunt à la F. Rabelais.

François brings to mind Henry Miller
Whose put downs of  woman were killer.
His books starting "Tropic"
Explored the broad topic
Of ways and positions to drill 'er.

OP507-508. Peace to y'all!

May the joy of your Christmas be strong
And engage in good food and sweet song
Trim the tree, deck the hall,
Take a drink, have a ball
Most of all, hope that y'all get along!

But if you are alone or are working
And are stuck doing tasks you're not shirking,
Just be grateful, not mad
Count your blessings, be glad
And try not to let sadness be lurking.

Have a great Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and happy holiday, however you spend this time of year.

OP506. Time to hibernate

The winter weighs heavy like stone
Though I wear many layers, I groan
And I shiver, feel old
With this chill, uncontrolled
It's the kind that is cold to the bone!

OP505. Sorry fella, just an accidental pun

Her instrument (woodwind) was cute
Formed by hides cut from many a newt
Ardent zeal he conveyed
As he thought he'd get laid
When she told him she played the skin flute.

OP503-504. Prude vs. lewd

Since the Limericist has gone packing,
There's a thing that may sorely be lacking:
All the red ink that bleeds
Ribald rhymes, dirty deeds
I guess somebody needs to get cracking!

Well now, that's where my prude side may ruin
The fun, naughty part he'd been doin'
Can it be that brave Dave
Might just come 'round and save
This great blog from 'the cave of nuns booin'?'

OP501-502. It's no big deal

Well, the first day of winter is here
Should we celebrate? Have us a beer?
I have no time to piss
No, not even a kiss
Just too busy, as Christmas draws near.

This winter's first day, I remember
Was a snowfall we had in November
The cold with it, too
Made our faces turn blue
I can't wait till we're through with December!

OP499-500. A labor of love... and gullibility

I am making a whole bunch of pies
I can hardly keep open my eyes
As I do this for free
There's a chance you will see
That I'm not really being too wise.

They'll have parties while eating my treat
After turkey and trimmings they eat
Though I've not been invited
I won't feel too slighted
I'll sleep day and night 'cause I'm beat!