2564. Cryptic plea

Home alone, eating large Belgian Waffle,
Man stuffed too much in mouth, a whole jawful.
Blocked his 'trache' and esophagus
Now needs sarcophagus.
He's become something quite offal.
(Alternative title: Coffin fit.)

2563. Named for a Seminole Chief

A male paraplegic in Bowlegs
Wore prosthetics which acted as faux legs.
Only method he knew
Of when trying to screw
Was on back; wife would straddle with dough legs.
Pop. 403.  12 miles west is the also-tiny town of Maud.  It is often said in my hometown of Ada, "You have to go through Bowlegs to get to Maud."

2562. On the road to nowhere

There isn't an airport in Byars
It's a town which gets no frequent fliers.
The setting's bucolic
No one goes to frolic
If folks say they've flown there, they're liars.
Pop. 261

2561. How now, salchow?

A skater from tiny Bokoshe
Hoped to make the Olympics in Sochi
At the Worlds, met a Jap
Gal who gave him the clap
When she let him glide in just a sukoshi.
Pop. 493

2560. Quite a life

The Tom Mix Museum in Dewey
Celebrates him with much ballyhooey
His films, slightly violent,
Were almost all siolent
We hardly remember him, do we?
Pop. 3,812.  Of his 291 films, only 9 were "talkies."

2559. Cleaner than my pun

On screen, a comedian ducked a pie
In the next scene a brahma bull bucked a guy
It took no acuity
To know continuity
Was needed to make that flick fructify.
That last word was an early May AWAD.  My pun was,
"I'm pregnant with triplets but I'm fructify know how it happened."

PD300-301. Two ungodly ones

There was a young girl of Gibraltar
Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
It really seems odd
That a virtuous God
Should answer her prayers and assault her.

There was a young Jew of Far Rockaway
Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
Perceiving his error,
The Rabbi in terror
Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"

2551-2557. Bon Anniversaire to big bro

It was during the 2nd World War
The year was Nineteen Forty Four
That on June twenty-third
Your voice was first heard
And thus began musical lore.

You started piano at six
At Miss Lucas' home in the sticks
Two Johns (Thompson and Schaum)
Wrote the books dad and mom
Bought to teach you your digital licks.

At 18 you got into J.
Martin Kanin did polish your play.
You married Miss Ann,
Got your Masters, then ran
Off to teach in far west I-o-way.

Entered Queen E. and wowed the Bruxellians
By now, life with Ann brought rebellions
Thought no one could be colder,
Wed Bev, moved to Boulder,
Much later she joined with the hellions.

But first, life was lovely and blissy
Along came your only child, Chrissie.
She's the pride of your life
Too bad Bev, as a wife,
Became prone to throw fits that were hissie.

And speaking of fit, you've stayed leaner
Than most men your age, also cleaner
You don't cherchez les femmes
Any more, you found glam-
or ascending each Rocky Fourteener.

I could deftly continue to say
How much you've impressed with the way
That you've conquered each pitfall
In life, and let it fall
Aside, now enjoy your birthday!

2550. Off to the clip joint

A man hated to get hard in Coyle
For he had on his dick a large boil
Though he wasn't Jewish
Knew just what to do-ish,
He had it removed by a mohel.
Pop. 352

2549. He should've bottom a drink first

Some bluenoses walking through Weatherford
Were offended when they altogether heard
A man say, "nice ass"
As he happened to pass.
They weren't very fond of that nether word.
Pop. 11,978

2548. Neologistic nickname

An AWAD e-pal challenged me and my fellow Limericks in the Time of Trump authors to rhyme the final word.  I was the only participant, so I guess mine wins!
If you're among 45's henchmen
You'd better not act like a linchpin
Lay low, that's the story
Don't steal Donald's glory
Or else you'll bring out Trumplethinskin.

2547. Should've C'rest 'em first

A Cherokee badass in Tahlequah
Was constantly looking to foul a maw
With a load of his cum
Squirted on teeth and gum,
If he heard, "No," he might disembowel a squaw.
Pop. 16,741

2546. Gotcha, gaucha!

An Argentine cowgirl named Lola
Got a job on a spread in Pocola.
The ranch foreman said
When he found three calves dead,
"Quit ropin' them cows with that bola!"
Pop. 4K

2545. Mine would hide like a turtle

There once was an athlete named Jake
Who swam in an ice-laden lake
Though the cold made him shudder
He used for a rudder
His lengthy and thick one-eyed snake.

OP429-431. For men only... Happy Father's Day!

With sunshine and clouds made of cotton
Not a single dad should be forgotten
So today, right on cue
I wish each one of you
Happy Father's Day, do get spoiled rotten!

Ev'ry day, there's a surefire way
To have fun, so just hear what I say:
Read each verse (fill your head)
Even those typed in red
And the archives ain't dead; come and play!

And so even if you're not a dad
Come around anyway, you'll be glad!
With no 'dad' boots to fill
You can read here at will
You've got time you can kill and be bad.