Caught a cold, I had energy lacking
So I stayed home from work, did some jacking
Off. Watched a skin flick,
Semen spewed from my dick
And a loogie shot forth caused by hacking.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
OP391-392. Hi from Haifa
Two from octogenarian AWAD limericist Zelda Dvoretzky...
Read the lips of Trumpette Kellyanne,
Walking backwards as fast as she can:
In go gin and vermouth,
Out comes "Alternate Truth"
As she tries to make sense of the man.
Watched the president's press guy, Sean Spicer,
Not succeed when he tried to seem nicer
His linguistic contortions
Arrived in large portions
He's more of a slicer and dicer.
Zelda, Steve Benko, Lindsay Crane and I have written a book, Limericks in the Time of Trump. All 101 poems are clean and it is available thru Amazon. The pair above will appear in Vol. II --- assuming our first opus sells.
Read the lips of Trumpette Kellyanne,
Walking backwards as fast as she can:
In go gin and vermouth,
Out comes "Alternate Truth"
As she tries to make sense of the man.
Watched the president's press guy, Sean Spicer,
Not succeed when he tried to seem nicer
His linguistic contortions
Arrived in large portions
He's more of a slicer and dicer.
Zelda, Steve Benko, Lindsay Crane and I have written a book, Limericks in the Time of Trump. All 101 poems are clean and it is available thru Amazon. The pair above will appear in Vol. II --- assuming our first opus sells.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
2378. Onward
Many thousands of rhymes I have spun
About ev'rything under the sun
I still have a willi'ness
To write down my silliness
Will quit when it's no longer fun.
About ev'rything under the sun
I still have a willi'ness
To write down my silliness
Will quit when it's no longer fun.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
2377. What Sumatra with the man?
The Donald ain't my Yankee Doodle
I detest his whole kit and kaboodle
He has hair of orang
And may grab your poontang
If he does, kick his small dangling noodle.
I detest his whole kit and kaboodle
He has hair of orang
And may grab your poontang
If he does, kick his small dangling noodle.
Friday, January 27, 2017
2376. Compensation, i.e. small hands don't lie
Trump's cravats are long, know what I mean?
Centimeters? About 115
Guess he wants ties to point
At the place where his joint
Ought to dangle (is this one obscene?)
Centimeters? About 115
Guess he wants ties to point
At the place where his joint
Ought to dangle (is this one obscene?)
Thursday, January 26, 2017
2375. How tacky!
A yogi from old Bangalore
Tore his nail bed apart (quite a chore)
Glued the spikes to his penis,
Proved he was the meanes'
By fucking two fags and a whore.
Tore his nail bed apart (quite a chore)
Glued the spikes to his penis,
Proved he was the meanes'
By fucking two fags and a whore.
OP390. Which way is up?
Another experiment I've seen before, and wanted to try my hand at.
You decide for yourself which is worst
Should you read first to last?
Did I do this half-assed?
If you think that it should be reversed
You can read from the last to the first.
You decide for yourself which is worst
Should you read first to last?
Did I do this half-assed?
If you think that it should be reversed
You can read from the last to the first.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
2374. Rosemary's Baby?
Donald Trump is one weird individual
Whose toxicity could be residual
Comb-over adorns
Where three 6's and horns
Exist; pants hide a tail not vestigial.
Whose toxicity could be residual
Comb-over adorns
Where three 6's and horns
Exist; pants hide a tail not vestigial.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
2373. The dreaded Option #3
Said an Eskimo brave outside Nome,
"Let's fuck or suck here in my dome."
He added with deference,
"I yield to your preference"
The squaw replied, "Fine, take me home."
"Let's fuck or suck here in my dome."
He added with deference,
"I yield to your preference"
The squaw replied, "Fine, take me home."
Monday, January 23, 2017
2372. "I am woman, hear me roar"
Many millions of marchers did snake
And equality claims they did stake
E.R.A. didn't pass
Kinda ran out of gas
But at this point, what diff. does it make?
The Equal Rights Amendment did pass the house and senate in 1972. However, ratification required a 75% majority of states (38 of the 50.) Only 35 ever did so. IMO, the ERA isn't necessary if existing civil rights laws are upheld.
And equality claims they did stake
E.R.A. didn't pass
Kinda ran out of gas
But at this point, what diff. does it make?
The Equal Rights Amendment did pass the house and senate in 1972. However, ratification required a 75% majority of states (38 of the 50.) Only 35 ever did so. IMO, the ERA isn't necessary if existing civil rights laws are upheld.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
2370-2371. Future shock warning
You'd better beware, lads and lasses,
This government's not for the masses
If you don't keep close watch
Don may grab for your crotch
Or worse, give you his cock up your asses.
Law and order won't help you one bit
Disagree and you'll be in deep shit
Right-wing vigilantes
Will pull down your panties
And you'll be fucked both fig. and lit.
This government's not for the masses
If you don't keep close watch
Don may grab for your crotch
Or worse, give you his cock up your asses.
Law and order won't help you one bit
Disagree and you'll be in deep shit
Right-wing vigilantes
Will pull down your panties
And you'll be fucked both fig. and lit.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
2369. How long a honeymoon do we allow?
Well it's over, The Donald got sworn
Now stop rueing the day you were born
You may not like his stances
But give him some chances
(And pray he stops tooting his horn.)
Now stop rueing the day you were born
You may not like his stances
But give him some chances
(And pray he stops tooting his horn.)
Friday, January 20, 2017
2365-2368. God Save (us from) The King
Today we swear in a new prez
Some Dems will hear nothing he sez
Though his past actions randy
Were not sweet like candy
His head would work best serving Pez.
Trump's a loud-mouth, a bully, a lout
You can't believe much that he'll spout
By far he's the brashest
We've had, damned near fascist!
Reminds me a lot of that Kraut.
Don has loose things (and not just a screw)
Like his morals and language that's blue
He'll be like Herr Chancellor
Should he become canceller
Of laws which Obama got thru.
Most Democrats must want to pike him
For there's never been anyone like him.
I pray ev'ry night,
"Oh, Dear Lord, set him right
But if that can't be done then please strike him!"
Some Dems will hear nothing he sez
Though his past actions randy
Were not sweet like candy
His head would work best serving Pez.
Trump's a loud-mouth, a bully, a lout
You can't believe much that he'll spout
By far he's the brashest
We've had, damned near fascist!
Reminds me a lot of that Kraut.
Don has loose things (and not just a screw)
Like his morals and language that's blue
He'll be like Herr Chancellor
Should he become canceller
Of laws which Obama got thru.
Most Democrats must want to pike him
For there's never been anyone like him.
I pray ev'ry night,
"Oh, Dear Lord, set him right
But if that can't be done then please strike him!"
OP389. Reaching another milestone
Your number of visits right now
Has reached all of twenty-five thou
Your fans still subsist
On your limerick grist
Mr. Limericist, take a bow!
Has reached all of twenty-five thou
Your fans still subsist
On your limerick grist
Mr. Limericist, take a bow!
OP388. It's Blue Friday
An inaugural dogg'rel for you's
If you've all got the swearing-in blues
Peace of mind has exploded
With ethics eroded
It's time to get loaded with booze!
If you've all got the swearing-in blues
Peace of mind has exploded
With ethics eroded
It's time to get loaded with booze!
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