OP363. Say, (What the) Hey, Kid?

This one's from my brother, OkieJokey, who asked me to post it as he couldn't get it up...

At my door, clad in baseball 'road grays,'
‘Pon a Hallowe'en teen I did gaze.
     Ear of corn caught my eye
     Sticking out of his fly
Had this name on his back: Willy Maize.

Hall of Fame center fielder Willie Mays is nicknamed “The Say Hey Kid.”

2281. Nice rack

Once again, an old joke reduced to 5 lines:
During lunch with some guys at the deli
In came Susan, whose tits bounce like jelly
I can't recall who said,
"That Sue sure likes Moosehead.
The proof?  Antler marks on her belly."

2280. Pick your poison

'Til election, a short time remains
Aren't you sick of the same old refrains?
Trump: "Election she'll rig!"
Clinton: "Donald's a pig!"
Let's just hope that the winner re-brains.

OP361-362. The best costume

At my costume, the town stared, agape
Of a man likely guilty of rape
I am rich and I'm whiny
My hands, they are tiny
My hair looks like that of an ape.

And my face wears a permanent grump
For my dick is, quite simply, a stump
So I'm woefully wussy
I grab by the pussy
I'm going as Donald J. Trump.

2279. Evangelism can widen the schism

Ecumenical meeting, St. Louis:
Chatted up an attendee, a Jewess.
Told her, "Time you should try a
Switch to the Messiah."
She slapped me!  How come Jews eschew us?"

2277-2278. Responding to thrown gauntlets

I emailed #2274 to several people who don't read my blog.  One challenged me to write a limerick on conductor Wilhelm Furtwängler (accent on Furt):

That podium maestro named Furtwängler,
Had two 'sticks' but one was a curt dangler
Couldn't get a hard on
In his lower baton
He'd just squeeze women's tits like a shirt mangler.

The other writer, recalling the American leader in Hogan's Heroes, said, "The world cries out for a Bob Crane 'Colonel Hogan' limerick, citing his …ahem…. private proclivities."  That sent me googling for forgotten details on Crane's death and resulted in this one:

John H. Carpenter couldn't refrain
From joining trysts done with Bob Crane
They would film filthy flicks
With girls sucking their dicks
But when Bob dumped him, John whacked Crane's brain.

2276. If she won't give it up, poker

A friend challenged me to rhyme up 'Ajax.'   I sent him this one with the note, "When you Telamon to do something or otherwise Hector him, this is what you get."

At those game shows with Careys or Sajaks
The last-three-rows' viewers are "way-backs"
They could get better seats
By applying bad beats
But they'd need to have muscles like Ajax.
(My title's card-game reference is in L4.)

2275. Cleanup batter

A fellatrix named Linda O'Doul
Excels at caressing your tool
As she gives a great blow
Her tongue moves to and fro
When you're done, even swallows your gruel!

2274. The Otto pilot

The famous conductor named Klemperer
To some, perhaps, seemed like an emperor
But his tempi (so slow)
Needed get-up-and-go
And made many a list'ner a whimperer.

Otto's son, Werner, was an actor and played the Kommandant on Hogan's Heroes.  Thought you might enjoy that colonel of knowledge -- it's such a Klinky-dink.

2273. From lad to verse

In my youth, I was known for virility
But a more apt term now is 'senility'
Unlike earlier times
Now just write puns and rhymes;
My wife thinks it shows imbecility.

2272. Easy oath to keep

I belong to a rather large clique
It includes anyone with a dique
Who will vow that, "Each day
With my johnson I'll play,
Jacking off even when I am sique."

PD271-272. Two statuesque women

There was a young lady named Harris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass
'Til the salts that she shook
In the bath that she took
Turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

There was an old sculptor named Phidias
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie
Which startled the purely fastidious.

2271. Thrust and Perry*

While plowing the trench of a rich bitch
I drilled with the speed of a DitchWitch™ 
Before I went slack
I threw out my back
But cannot remember from which twitch.
*Perry, Oklahoma is HQ for the company.

2270. Wednesday Frenzy

Both candidates came off as glib
(Although much which each said was a fib).
While I'm a conservative
Trump isn't deservative
I can't stand the cut of his jib.

PD266-270. Juicy Lucy

Found at a Brit site. Who knew nasty 'net nymphs were literate?
When your luscious delicious cock's showing
And stiffening, throbbing and growing
I get horny as hell
And my lips down there swell
With my juices damn well overflowing.

If you thrust with the passion of Zeus
You can squirt my whole face with your juice
If you want, I could suck
But if you wanna fuck
Ride me hard till I buck like a moose!

When a guy is a perverted prick
And his mind is a little bit sick
It makes it much better
And makes me much wetter
When he's got (but ain't) a big dick.

There's a word - it's called squelchy; I love it!
It's the noise when you push it and shove it
Of that sound I am fond;
From your slimy slick wand
I get wetter beyond and above it!

Please help my vagina go lube
With your sexy cylindrical tube
Its head I'll be teasing
While me you're appeasing
By sucking and squeezing my boob.