OP229. Mad about, not at you

Follower S.H. from Nanaimo, BC placed first in last week's Mad Kane Limerick-Off with this clever entry.  It won out over 87 other entrants!  Congrats, Suz!

For church, we’ve got no time to spend
And the sermons we don’t comprehend
So I set up a dummy
Of me and my mummy
We tend to pretend we attend.

The word to be rhymed was any of three.  She used 'em all in L5!!

1911. He had to settle for a cactus jack

There once was a man from La Jolla
Whose pecker had spines like a cholla
Although he tried shaving it
The girls were not craving it
They said, "It is hard to enjolla."

1910. When I say 'screw,' I mean it

There was an odd fellow named Phil
Who could give all the girls a real thrill
For he had a peenie
Shaped like a Bernini
Curled column.  It felt like a drill!

Picture is from inside St. Peter's Basilica,  Click for more detail, then hit Esc to return here.

1909. My titles' pungent aromas

I feel that I often do cram
My puns down your throats just like spam
See, I'm filled with ambition
And seek recognition
(My surname is ended with 'ham.')

Being a middle-child probably contributes to my need for attention.

1908. Toponym town?

I think you should open a store
Where the men would pay up 'fore they'd score
If you'll put it in Pakistan
Then I just might back ya, man
So long as you build in Lahore.
Damn, I wish that 'a' were long.

1907. Not so thankful with my tank full

The weather report calls for "murky"
So I'll stay inside eating turkey
Appetite like a gator's
Means dressing and 'taters
Will stuff me 'til I don't feel perky.

Happy Thanksgiving, USA!  Canadian followers celebrate it the 2nd Monday of October.

1906. If you catch my drip

A Welshman named Lloyd Llewellyn
Developed a keen sense of smellyn
He once passed a hall
In the town of Porthcawl
And remarked, "Girls do more here than dwellyn."

1905. Medically, it's an addadicktomy

There once was a maiden named Millie
Who wished she'd been born with a willie
Had a doctor attach
One in place of her snatch
But he left on her tits; she looks silly.

1904. Fleming Flailings

A South Belgian man, a Walloon,
Goes to bars but he's just a poltroon
When invited outside
This past weekend, he cried,
"Not right now.  How 'bout 31 June?"

Sorry.  That was sort of phlegmish, wasn't it?

1903. Take a bow. Please.

An odd musical man did astound
He played violin with a new sound
Dropping trou, stroked the strings
With his pecker and things
And just fiddledy-farted around.

1902. Was his birth year

John Steinbeck wrote well and it showed
His "Grapes of Wrath" featured Tom Joad
Okies felt lots of scorn
Headed toward Californ'
Which they reached by the old "Mother Road."
That's Route 66, almost entirely replaced by Interstates now.

1900-1901. Weird but revered

At interpreting Bach, one guy ruled
(In Canada he had been schooled)
His Goldbergs*, done twice
Were exceedingly nice
For you who don't know, 'twas Glenn Gould.

He often would hum as he'd play
And off-key!  He was strange in his day
Fugue, prelude, partita
None else played one neata
Whenever I hear, I "hurray!"

* J.S. Bach's famed Goldberg Variations.  Gould recorded (piano) two huge-selling, hugely-different interpretations of this fantastic work.

OP228. Not child's play

Another one based off an old joke.

An Elmo doll made with a dick'll
Have the factory put in a pickle
Said the boss, in a funk:
"Those with junk, they are junk.
I said, 'Twice give the doll a test tickle.'"

1899. They left sapped

There once was a vamp who was vapid
She loved men with strokes that were rapid
But her fav'rites were those
Guys with dicks like fire hose
When they'd pull out, her pussy just gapped.

OP227. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!

One day, my depraved younger brother

Met up with a simian mother

The sex was quite wild

Now they're having a child

And are trying again for another.