1746. I'm duned to hell for this one

A thalidomide baby named Leach
Now grown, would like sex at the beach
He could sit in the sand
And do it by hand
But his grasp is exceeding his reach.
Now don't get all up in arms...

1745. Strike the colors.... down!

Do not call for a vote at the polls
On that symbol of pride just to trolls
For although quite inveterate
It's time that Confederate
Flags were retired from all poles.

1744. Turn your head and cough.

A testicular doctor named Dahl
Kept a very odd chart on his wall
Each month, set a quota
Of how many scrota
He'd squeeze which had only one ball.

1743. Doubt you'll drool at this one

Bored with puppies, Pavlov felt the call
To condition a good-looking moll
Made her sob ev'ry time
That the church tower would chime
So he called it "the bell of the bawl."

1742. Clip off the old cock

A gentile who longed to be Zionist
Told the rabbi, "I'm clipped."  (He's the lyin'est.)
For he thought it was silly
To trim up his willie
And have those Jews learn he's the cryin'est.

1741. Another hat in the ring

I was hoping their numbers would dwindle
(GOP hopefuls) Now here comes Jindal
Ev'ry son of a bitch
Will sign up if he's rich
We could use one who carries a bindle.

Hobo with a bindlestick

1740. The new NAACP*

To enhance her delusional spoof
She frizzed up the hair on her roof
That weird Rachel Dolezal
Has come out and tol' us all
She's black, without one ounce of proof.
*Needs An Appointment with Competent Psychiatrist
 

1739. Apologies to Armstrong

As she let her dog lap at her cunt
A woman would breathlessly grunt,
 "The Beagle has landed!"
I think, to be candid,
She should have been filmed by A. Funt.
Allen Funt invented and produced the TV show, "Candid Camera."

1738. Newton's 1st Law*

When invited by wife to go trudgin'
Round the block, I say, "No, I ain't budgin'!"
For this grumpy fat man
Likes to sit on his can
No wonder she calls me, "curmudgeon."
  *Inertia

1737. The rhythm method?

There was a jazz drummer named Sam
Who'd diddle his wife's bearded clam
After gigs, he would bing-bang
Her box with his ying-yang
Then finish her off with a flam.
Diddles and flams are rudimentary strokes in drumming.

1736. Kitchen bitchin'

My wife said she'd bake a big biscuit
Made the batter and asked, "Would you whisk it?"
Thought she meant, "Add some scotch"
So her mix I did botch
Next time she wants some help, doubt she'll risk it.

1735. An extra bulging muscle

As fellows grow old it's a must
That they need to go slow when they lust
Because if they keep doing
Much athletic screwing
They'll rupture and have to be trussed.

This one and #1733 are my entries in a limerick contest this week in which the word 'trust' (or a homophone of it) must be rhymed.  Last week I received an honorable mention with #1728 when the word was "pad."

1734. Please don't tease

When I'm out with a girl, my old pecker
Begins swelling when I start to neck 'er
But if she won't screw
And my balls become blue
Lemme tell ya, I sure want to deck 'er.

OP171. Oh, the humanity!

There once was a fellow named Anibal
Who was known as a ravenous cannibal
Be they short, be they tall
He'd devour them all
But never a non-human animal.

1733. Going downhill fast(er)

A ski racer you couldn't trust

Would consume pork and beans 'fore he shussed.

And to go a bit faster

He'd use his ass blaster

And gain MPH from each gust.