1477. Yiddish for doormat?

There once was a husband, a mensch,
Who was wed to the worst kind of wench
She'd sneak out and hunt
For new dicks for her cunt
Never douching -- oh, my, what a stench.

1476. Ragged individualists

Team Europe again won the cup --
The Ryder -- we just don't stand up.
Our scorecards have more sums
When we play at Foursomes
i.e, taking turns on "who's up."

It's also called "Alternate Shot" and the US sucks at it, losing that segment of the competition 7-1.  Europe won the individual matches 6½ to 5½.  The US did manage to win the Fourball segments 5-3.  That's when each golfer plays his own ball and the best score of a 2-person team is counted vs. the other team's best.

PD160. Hard to miss at 300+ pounds

They say that ex-president Taft
When hit by a golf ball, once laughed
And said, "I'm not sore,
But although he called, 'Fore',
The place where he hit me was aft."

1475. Perhaps why they're called stones

A man with the mumps, name of Leach
Let his illness get clear out of reach
Suffered pain in his back
From the nuts in his sac
Which had swollen to weigh one stone each!
(In the UK, a weight of 'one stone' equals 14 pounds.)

1474. Daisy Crockett?

This sounds a bit like one of Edward Gorey's...
There once was a woman from Boone
Who decided her car to festoon
To antenna she tied
Part of something that died --
The tail of her once pet raccoon.

OP157. Abstinence my ass

When young girls take the Bible's words literally
They take vows of chastity, bitterly
But they locate a loophole
Pushing pricks through their poop hole
Though they'll never take any cock clitorally.

Abstinence programs encourage girls to take a pledge that they won't have sex before marriage.  Many of these girls try to get around it by rationalizing that it only counts if it's in the vagina.  So oral and anal are okay...  I'm sick of all this religious pseudo-sex-ed.

1473. Cowl licks

A grad student queer at U.T.
Disserted, "The Gayness of Me"
And he got no quarrels
When, during his orals,
Defended the fact Q.E.D.

1472. Stand-up guy

On YouTube, I love watching Carlin
He was always the neo-left's darlin'
He made no apologies
And brought etymologies
To millions with voice that was snarlin'.
Click One of George's best sketches ... and it's totally clean! 

1471. Sappy

Today is the first day of Fall
But our oaks have shed no leaves at all
Equinox called Autumnal
Means soon, trees will summ'n all
Their xylem and phloem juice to stall.

1470. What handicap?

A man in a wheelchair named Cade
Of the bar scene was never afraid
Although paralytic
His drive sybaritic
Insured that he always got laid.

1469. Dongo drummer

An oddball percussionist, Mick,
Was born with a split in his dick
He went to the Congo
And learned to play bongo
Drums with his bifurcated prick.

1468. Zonked when I wrote this

Don't hit your girl's car with a conch
The shell might impart a bad bonk
Though it has lovely nacre
It's liable to make 'er
Run over you without a honk.

1467. Setting your cock to the right time

There once was a hooker named Molly
Who kept a strict schedule in Raleigh
Before supper, dongs
Were sucked like Scuppernongs*
Not 'til after did fucks make men jolly.
*Large white grapes -- the state fruit of North Carolina

1466. Low humor

An old Harley biker named Clyde
Really knew how to give gals a ride
He engaged his transmission
For better coition
And labeled himself, "Super Glide."

1465. Kidney punch punch

A boxer who hailed from Vienna
Was handed a cup to pee inna
He'd recently fought
And the liquid he brought
Back was colored much like burnt sienna.