There continues to be lots of drama
Surrounding Barack H. Obama
Seems that many repubs
Want to take bats and clubs
And visit upon him blunt trauma.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
1418. How's my credit?
I'm willing to pay for some snatch
At a whore house. I'd find me a match
And pay two hundred bucks
For just one of their fucks,
Got the itch but I don't have the scratch.
At a whore house. I'd find me a match
And pay two hundred bucks
For just one of their fucks,
Got the itch but I don't have the scratch.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
1416-1417. Blessings on thee, little man!
The poet who wrote the words in my title was a lot whittier than I...
Today came my first grandson, Thomas!
Will his voice sound like Fernando Lamas'?
Will he be tall and skinny,
Be brilliant like Pliny
Or prophesy like Nostradamus?
Quite frankly, I really don't care,
I'm just happy for him and his par-
ents (my son and his wife)
Who have brightened my life --
My joy's almost too much to bear!
Today came my first grandson, Thomas!
Will his voice sound like Fernando Lamas'?
Will he be tall and skinny,
Be brilliant like Pliny
Or prophesy like Nostradamus?
Quite frankly, I really don't care,
I'm just happy for him and his par-
ents (my son and his wife)
Who have brightened my life --
My joy's almost too much to bear!
1415. "Breeze, please"
A foul-smelling quipster named Brent
Went camping with friends in a tent
His B.O. and farts
Didn't win any hearts
He got nicknamed 'the pungent pun gent.'
Went camping with friends in a tent
His B.O. and farts
Didn't win any hearts
He got nicknamed 'the pungent pun gent.'
Monday, July 28, 2014
1414. Dresher* couplings
A guy from the oil patch named Dresher
Likes giving old maids a refresher
The pecker he's packing
Makes fucking like fracking,
He fills up their holes under pressure.
*Actually, they're Dresser couplings and are used to repair damaged pipe.
Likes giving old maids a refresher
The pecker he's packing
Makes fucking like fracking,
He fills up their holes under pressure.
*Actually, they're Dresser couplings and are used to repair damaged pipe.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
1413. More than one per day
Today is my third anniversary
Of posting these poems so cursory
That means they are short
But I need to report
That the red ones aren't fit for a nursery!
Thank you, readers! Your regular visits encourage me to keep writing my doggerels. I just wish there were more of you. I write for bright, educated people and am pretty sure that if I lowered my standards and ceased to use esoteric themes and words, this blog's readership would be much larger.
Since I refuse to do that, do I need to switch to Facebook? Please email limericist@cox.net if you have an idea for reaching more limerick lovers.
Of posting these poems so cursory
That means they are short
But I need to report
That the red ones aren't fit for a nursery!
Thank you, readers! Your regular visits encourage me to keep writing my doggerels. I just wish there were more of you. I write for bright, educated people and am pretty sure that if I lowered my standards and ceased to use esoteric themes and words, this blog's readership would be much larger.
Since I refuse to do that, do I need to switch to Facebook? Please email limericist@cox.net if you have an idea for reaching more limerick lovers.
1412. A Handy* place to visit
In Memphis, the street they call Beale
Offers barbecue, blues, sex appeal
And the Hotel Peabody
Is charming and gawdy
Its ducks are all mallards, not teal.
*St. Louis Blues composer W.C. Handy also wrote The Memphis Blues
and The Beale Street Blues.
Offers barbecue, blues, sex appeal
And the Hotel Peabody
Is charming and gawdy
Its ducks are all mallards, not teal.
*St. Louis Blues composer W.C. Handy also wrote The Memphis Blues
and The Beale Street Blues.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
1411. Undebatably true
Hey, husbands, when you and wife bicker
Over whose point of view is the slicker
Please take my advice
Which I think you'll find nice,
Don't just be argumentative.... dicker.
Over whose point of view is the slicker
Please take my advice
Which I think you'll find nice,
Don't just be argumentative.... dicker.
Friday, July 25, 2014
1410. Well, excuuuuuse me!
Reader OkieJokey commented on #1406 this morning (q.v.) and criticized my intentional mispronunciation of W. Somerset Maugham's surname. Frankly, I couldn't gather enough words with the rhyming "awm" sound to get a funny story-line so I resorted to "ogg-um."
Well, Okie, to show you that I could have "said" it correctly, if nonsensically, here's a follow-up:
I for sure can pronounce Mr. Maugham
His name rhymes with a mayor named Rahm
For years Daleys were annual
Then 'long came Emanuel
Corrupt like them, but with aplomb.
(Foreign readers: Rahm Emanuel is the current mayor of Chicago, following Richard M. Daley who served from 1989-2011. Daley's father, Richard J. Daley, served from 1955-1976.)
Well, Okie, to show you that I could have "said" it correctly, if nonsensically, here's a follow-up:
I for sure can pronounce Mr. Maugham
His name rhymes with a mayor named Rahm
For years Daleys were annual
Then 'long came Emanuel
Corrupt like them, but with aplomb.
(Foreign readers: Rahm Emanuel is the current mayor of Chicago, following Richard M. Daley who served from 1989-2011. Daley's father, Richard J. Daley, served from 1955-1976.)
1409. 'Member' of the cabbage family
When Adam one day coop had flown
It left Eve in the garden alone
Lacking cock of a boy
She used stalk of bok choy --
First case of 'organically groan.'
It left Eve in the garden alone
Lacking cock of a boy
She used stalk of bok choy --
First case of 'organically groan.'
Thursday, July 24, 2014
1408. Do you feel badgered?
There once was a very nice otter
Who could swim in both warm and ice water
If your patience he'd test
By being a pest
You could shoo him with any fly swatter.
Who could swim in both warm and ice water
If your patience he'd test
By being a pest
You could shoo him with any fly swatter.
OP153. Sucking up
A lousy employee named Valerie
Was paid an exorbitant salary
Though she sucked at her job
She would swallow each gob
For her boss's cumload was low-calorie.
Was paid an exorbitant salary
Though she sucked at her job
She would swallow each gob
For her boss's cumload was low-calorie.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
1407. What the flock?
A sheep rancher did something dastard-
ly, causing a very aghast herd.
His actions behind 'em
Quite clearly defined 'im,
As purely a bestial bastard!
ly, causing a very aghast herd.
His actions behind 'em
Quite clearly defined 'im,
As purely a bestial bastard!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
1406. Maugham's the word
I take varied subjects and blog 'em
Today I'll do Somerset Maugham
His most famous book*
Was often mistook
For one about slaves -- how to flog 'em.
*Of Human Bondage
Today I'll do Somerset Maugham
His most famous book*
Was often mistook
For one about slaves -- how to flog 'em.
*Of Human Bondage
Monday, July 21, 2014
1405. Ahhh Strunk
English lovers from old Senatobia
Would rather impress than disrobe ya
Using language quite proper
They don't come a cropper
They learned it online -- GRAMMARPHOBIA!
I only learned about that blog last week and have already enjoyed several hours reading thru archives. I highly recommend it!
Would rather impress than disrobe ya
Using language quite proper
They don't come a cropper
They learned it online -- GRAMMARPHOBIA!
I only learned about that blog last week and have already enjoyed several hours reading thru archives. I highly recommend it!
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