1382. Beat (Texas)

A tunesmith from old Waxahachie
Came up with a song that was cachie
Underlain by the thrum
Of a big conga drum
It appealed to Cheyenne and Apachie.

1381. Spreading more Frog's legs

This makes three in a row with French cities.  Call me a FrancoPhil.
While trav'ling from Nantes clear to Nancy
An Orleans girl caught my fancy
I screwed the young maid
On the ground in a glade
In broad daylight!  Exciting, but chancy.

1380. This isn't Nice (or Cannes)

A gal in Marseilles looked askance
When a man asked to get in her pants
The fact ineluctable?
She was not fuctable
(Unlike most women in France.)

1379. In need of a doctor. (Pepper.)

There once was a drunk from Le Havre
Who ordered all dishes au poivre
The rummy was dumb, he
Destroyed his poor tummy
By trying too hard to be suavre.

1376-1378. Rhythm method (lack thereof)

There once was a man from Nepal
Who, sadly, had only one ball
This screwed up his meter
When using his peter --
He fathered no offspring at all.

Because of this hitch in his gait
He could never put sperm in his mate
As he fucked her, his jerkiness
Wasn't just quirkiness,
Poor fellow never shot straight!

Each time he would reach paroxysm
He'd splatter the wrong spot with jism
Sometimes wall, sometimes sheets,
All these constant defeats
Caused his marriage to wind up in schism.

1375. Oh, poo!

I know an expression that's cool,
To be said as you head to the stool.
It's a little verbose
And most gals find it gross,
"Gonna drop the kids off at the pool."

1374. Joys in the hood

Want to make a girl come?  Well, it's simple
First, find what feels like a big pimple
It's above where she pisses
Stroke, flick, give it kisses
Done right, it should make her cheeks dimple.

1371-1373. Many happy returns of the day*

Frère Larry's turned three score and ten!
Somehow, he's remained really thin
It must be his diet
(Though I'll never try it)
I'm sure it does not include gin.

While I sit at home with my rhyming
He'll probably go out rock climbing
But, hey!  It's your day,
Spend it any old way
With activities you find subliming.

Of stanzas, you ought have another
So here goes, you wonderful brother --
When it comes to men
I could have as my kin
I can't think of any I'd ruther.

* First learned c. 1950 on the radio show, "Big John and Sparkie."

1370. Naples' sightseeing staples

A dandy who dressed very dapp'ry
Took his young Latin lover to Capri.
They drove in an auto
To see The Blue Grotto
And drowned.  (That's enough of this yapp'ry.)

Italians pronounce it CAP-ree (actually, CAHP-ree) so why do we say ca-PREE?

1369. It's gonna be a long day

If you visit, don't bring any voles t'us
'Twould be like bringing Newcastle coals t'us,
Ev'ry June (it's not nice)
We get hundreds of mice
Starting just about now -- Summer Solstice.

1368. Spare me

After taking his girl out to bowl
A fellow revealed his long pole.
It caused her to mutter
When he 'threw a gutter'
And stuck his pole in the wrong hole.

1367. Not bright on the right

A talk show host, Sean Patrick Hannity,
Says things that reveal his insanity
He loved Jerry Falwell
(I think each would maul well)
While beating them, I'd use profanity.
Preacher Falwell died in 2007.

PD145-150. Monstrosities

There once was a man named McNameter
Who was blessed with both length and diameter 
Now it wasn't his size
That gave girls surprise
But his rhythm: iambic pentameter

A young man maintained that his trigger
Was so big that there weren't any bigger.
But this long and thick pud
Was so heavy it could
Scarcely lift up its head.  It lacked vigor.

A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young,
Asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
She replied as she stripped,
"That man who I married is hung".

Said a thoughtful young stud from Brasilia
"One orgasm spasm will fill ya
I'll just let the rest
Gush out on your chest
If I shot it inside, it'd kill ya!

Viagra, to which I'm addicted,
Works better by far, than depicted.
It's gone from quite limp
To as big as a blimp
Which is more than my unaided dick did.

There once was a man from Far Rockaway
Who could skizzle a broad from a block away.
Once while taking a fuck,
Along came a truck
And knocked both his balls and his cock away.

1366. Next idea -- buggy repair

There once was a workman named Leon
Who repaired only signs which used neon
His small fixit shop
Was, of course, a huge flop
Leaving Leon to live as a peon.

1365. A Hana lulu

When her door opened after some knocks
Jack Lord gave the suspect two shocks
Just before "Book 'em, Danno!"
He spied her piano
And said, "Hey, may I bang your box?"

It's really not a dirty question.  Check THIS SONG from 1954.  Also, Hana (in my title) is on Maui.  I'm told the TV show, "Hawaii 50", took place on Oahu.