1349. How to fuck a fat woman

If you get a case of the hots
For a gal full of flab, I mean LOTS,
Do not feel so dolor-
ous.  Take her and roll her
In flour and then look for wet spots.

1348. Thanks for the Limmeries

This blog now has one hundred fifty
Submissions of humor most thrifty
Written by you OP's*
And they usually please
Your host, who considers you nifty!

* For you readers who've never bothered to read the banner atop each page, OP designations for entry numbers mean they were posted by 'Other People', that is, not by your blog host, The Limericist.

OP150. Baby Nora vs. nursery crimes

Hickory, dickory, dock.

My grandpa writes limerick schlock!

     I don’t know which is worse,

     Being born or his verse.

Will I quote it when I learn to talk?

Congratulations, Mr. Limericist, on the arrival of a new Greatest Generation!  (Re: No. 1346)

1347. Is stupidity a Hazard?

A man without too much intelli
Brought some lubricant home for wife Nellie.
"Tonight we will fucky
Like folks from Kentucky"
He said.  "We will use KY Jelly."

1346. 1st time grandparents

Today the world gained Nora Rose
Caggiano.  She has all ten toes
And fingers, how great!
Pics don't show her (bald?) pate
But I think she has grandma's cute nose.

1345. Pair o' sights

A Florida fellow named Foss
Took a tart 'neath a tree for a toss
He lasted so long
With his tireless dong
That when done, they had grown Spanish Moss.

OP149. Mulva

There once was a girl named Dolores
Whose bush was a densely packed forest
But then the entire
Thing went up in a fire
And it burned up her lovely clitoris.

1344. A good walk spoiled

That title is just one description of golf.  My favorite is, "Golf is a game in which you must hit the ball to have fun.  But the fewer times you hit it, the more fun you have.  Does this make any sense?"

Just home from the links -- a disasta --
It's a game that I never will masta
I've spent many a buck
Yet at golf I still suck,
I think I should take up canasta.

1343. Burning desire

That carved wooden boy named Pinocch-
io jacked off with too fast a stroke.
His hand applied licks
Like a scout with two sticks,
From the friction, he went up in smoke!

1342. Toro, Toro, Toro!

I awakened with one mighty yawn,
Realized I was only a pawn
In the game we call life
When I heard from my wife,
"Get your ass up and go mow the lawn!"

1341. Maiden the U.K.

There once was a wastrel from Wickham
Who covered his penis with slickum
When e'er he'd get urgin's
And deflower some virgins
It didn't hurt much when he'd dick 'em.

1340. Fringe benefit?

A boy child was born and named Willy,
Circumcised by a doc who was silly.
It brought mom to tears
When he used pinking shears
Leaving Willie with one frilly dilly!

1339. Spent knights

The Crusade of Richard the First
Was the third one, and somewhat accursed.
He took too few paladins
To fight troops of Saladin's
No vict'ry -- his lion-heart burst.

1338. No panty mime

There was a weird femme from Bordeaux
With gout and a very sore toe.
The pain would subside
If she fucked like a bride --
But only with Marcel Marceau!

1337. Pain in the lane

Last evening the OKC Thunder
Let Tim Duncan pillage and plunder
No defense was shown
Down in Ol' San Antone
Can we win from the Spurs?  Well, I wonder.