1082. Location, Location

A New Orleans whore needing real dough
Plied her trade just outside The Cabildo
Tourists mainly were there
Just to see Jackson Square
So she only got sex from her dildo.

OP114. Helps for Phelps

A lowly man from humble digs
Banished demons to a herd of pigs
But the Westboro throng
Has again got it wrong
For their book really states God hates figs.*

*Matthew 21:19.

1081. Rapid response

On a walk on a windy day, Curt
Saw a gust lift a pretty girl's skirt
At that glimpse of her haunch, he
Began feeling raunchy
And instantly started to flirt.

1080. Titian coition?

A fastidious fellow named Drew
Picks just certain women to screw
These gals (if he fucks 'em)
All have to be buxom
With skin of a gently pale hue.

1079. A huge step toward equality

Our SCOTUS struck down part of DOMA
Right-wingers are all in a coma
But states still make rules
So only gay fools
Will plan weddings in Oklahoma.
The acronyms in line one are for Supreme Court of the U.S. and Defense of Marriage Act.

1078. Lazy loser

This one was spawned by my hearing someone on radio say "laxadaisical." 
Lackadaisical Louie, that creep,
When fucking likes going in deep
But it isn't often
He does any boffin'
'Cause most of the time he's asleep.

1077. His books are better

Last night on TV in my home
Watched a new series, "Under the Dome"
Like most Stephen King
First show's full of zing
Next week I'll revert to a tome.
It was pretty good, but I expect a "descent to mediocrity" in plots, writing and acting will begin soon.

1076. Broadening the palate

The not-too-experienced Larry
Told his girlfriend their love-life should vary
They tried soixante-neuf
But the act made the roof
Of his mouth feel all coated and hairy.

1075. Fan of Felix Leiter?

There once was a fellow named Burke
Who had an annoying quirk
When at a Bond flick
Stood flicking his Bic
And in general, being a jerk.

1074. Service with a smile

A prostitute, born kinda shy,
Would loosen up (that is, she'd try)
With clever wise cracks
While you worked to climax
The result?  You would come through the wry.

OP113. The definitive guide to this site

The limericks you see in black
Will have zero effect on your sack
But the ones colored red
Make it rise from the dead
To the maximum size that you pack.

1072-1073. Where has everyone gone?

Was something I said too offensive?
Are you whelmed 'cause this blog's so extensive?
My readership's down
So I'm wearing a frown
Do my limericks make you too pensive?

Well, sorry, I don't give a whit.
Furthermore, by god, I will not quit
Trying to be a fun writer
Appealing to brighter
Folks.  If that ain't you, well tough shit!

1071. A Saudi excuse for a limerick

My ex-girlfriend (bitch named Rebecca)
Steadfastly refused my big pecca
She hadn't the charm
Of Miss Sunny Brook Farm
And I now wish she'd migrate to Mecca.

1070. A Fleeting moment

There once was a homo named Todd
Whose partner, Rick, had a strong bod
They went to the cinema
Then Todd had an enema
Before riding Rick's rigid rod.

1067-1069. For a friend

I've written some rhymes for Mike Pate
Who has way too much on his plate
So his golf game does suffer
(He's worse than a duffer)
Too often at work he stays late

But now that he's not nine-and-fifty
Priorities might have to shift, he
May grow less contrarian,
This sexagenarian,
Which Marcia would find much more nifty!

Mike, I doubt that you celebrate Earth Day
But a Gaia like you needs a mirth day
So enjoy the scene
On this fine June eighteen
And have a great sixtieth birthday!