960. Hoping for a crop failure

A young woman knelt down to pray,
"Keep me out of the family way."
Night before, her guy's snow job
Spawned more than a blow job
In parlance, they went all the way.

959. Pants on fire

I know a neat widow named Nancy
Who claims she's no longer romancy.
But I think she lies,
And will soon cast her eyes
On a man who will tickle her fancy.

958. Class struggles

A wild college student played hookie
To screw girls and visit his bookie.
Was supposed to be majoring
In English, not Wagering,
And studying, not chasing nookie!

957. Demon rum

A drinker who's quaffed a fair river
Of rum needs a live-in caregiver.
He's had a thrombosis
And suffers cirrhosis, 
Methinks he requires a spare liver.

956. Home on the strange

A rascal who lives way out west
Ignores his wife's fervent behest.
She pleads, "Please don't cheat"
But his brain's in his meat,
Finding strange is his regular quest.

OP81. That's the norm

There once was a fellow named Norman
Whose upbringing made him a Mormon
Like his fellow fundies
He wore magic undies
This is Norman the Mormon conformin'.

955. Food foibles

There is an old fellow named Billy
Whose habits at dining are silly.
Eats soup with a fork,
Puts grape jam on pork,
And only drinks coffee that's chilly.

954. Tokin' gesture

A woman had beautiful boobies
With nipples as reddish as rubies.
After having a fuck
She and partner would suck
On a couple of tightly-rolled doobies.

An old joke goes
1st whore: "Do you smoke after you screw?"
2nd whore: "I don't know, I've never looked."

953. I may go cruisin'

There once was a woman named Susan
Whose mom said, "It's time you were choosin'
A husband."  But Susie
Was sort of a floozy
And spent all her time at bars boozin'.

952. No air apparent

A woman I know who is busty
Unfortunately, isn't lusty.
She never employs
Her toy made for boys
Consequently, it always smells musty.

951. Berth defect

There once was a woman named Whitt,
Whose sex life was not worth a shit.
She couldn't orgasm
No, nary a spasm
Because she was born with no clit.

950. It left him horse

There once was a cowboy named Goff,
Who fell in a watering trough
Where germs did abound.
When he climbed out, he found
That he had an incurable cough.

OP80. Rand-om thoughts

This one was received via email from Amanda B. Reckondwith, erstwhile reader and commenter at this blog.  Perhaps he/she will someday return...
A harridan-hag, name of Ayn,
Was a cunt for whom I did not payn.
One day, I just shrugged,
And hauled off and slugged
Her, and later I felt really fayn.

949. Ingrates

Each day to the Jews God sent manna,
They got grumpy, would not sing "Hosanna."
"We want meat!" they did wail
So the Lord sent them quail
But they still wouldn't march 'neath His banna.

Since blog member OkieJokey likes to put in scriptural stuff, the above comes from the story in Numbers, Chap. 11, verses 31 and continuing.

948. Dose-y...DOH!

"Getting a dose" is slang for contracting gonorrhea.
A crass, careless asshole named Rich
Had a genital drip and an itch.
He left it untreated
So each gal he meated
Got clap from that son of a bitch!