OP75. A way with words

When I am asked by jealous haters
Why I am such a frequent dater
I tell them "I'm hung,
Fluent in the French tongue
Cunning linguist, and master debater."

936. Role reversal

A woman all full of palaver
Got wed to the first guy who'd have 'er.
In bed, he is balking --
Her incessant talking
Makes hubby act like a cadaver.

935. Don't whiff her quiff

A skanky young woman named Monk
Had orifices that just stunk.
She sure wasn't pretty,
Had breath that was shitty,
And pussy that smelled like a skunk.

934. Idiom of odium

One overused phrase gives me hell,
It's when sentences end with "as well."
What's happened to "too"
And "also"?  Would you
Let me know how, from grace, those words fell?

This is one of my pet peeves.  Those single words for "in addition to" seem to have disappeared from our language.  It wouldn't bother me so much if folks didn't tack on "as well" just to sound educated.  I hear, "I'm wearing jeans, as well" when no one else had said they were wearing jeans.  I also hear, "I'm also going, as well."  Jeez!  As if redundancy makes you appear smart.

OP74. Heavy petting

I know a young girl from Vancouver
So fat a bulldozer can't move her
And although she may
Not be much of a lay
I tell you, she sucks like a Hoover.

932-933. With friends like these, who needs enemas?

Queers Bruce and Maurice broke town code,
Leaving Bruce with a smelly brown doad.
Once Bruce had pulled out,
Maurice gave a shout
As he ran to the john to download.

I know a teenager named Tommy
Who does things he won't tell his mommy.
See, Tommy is gay --
He and friend like to play
At the game known as "hide the salami."

OP73. A heavenly body

There was an astronomer, Frink
Who one day had fun with his dink
He inserted his pole
Into a black hole
But inside that black hole, it was pink.

931. I baroque down on this one

First name is pronounced Gay-org or Gee-org.  Lines 1 & 2 are fictitious.  Sometimes rhyming requires that.
Imprisoned, Georg Philipp Telemann
Learned music, taught him by a fella con.
Educational stations
In civilized nations
Sometimes play his works on a telethon.

930. Flustered flier

A man heading into LaGuardia
Rode a plane that could not have been tardia.
Knew he'd miss his connection
So screamed out invection
Which caused him some mild tachycardia.

929. Whistle while you jerk

There once was a fellow named Lang
Who'd whistle while yanking his wang.
He'd do it with zest, oh
Yes!  Speed used was presto
Which made him get off with a bang.

928. Say it ain't so, Joe

Shoeless Joe Jackson was one of the eight Chicago White Sox players accused of throwing the 1919 World Series.  Very good article found here.

White Sox owner, old Charles Comiskey,
Was stingy as hell, turned out risky.
"Black Sox" did describe
Players who took a bribe,
Then got banned so they spent it on whiskey.

926-927. Ass faults

A flatulent fellow named Mart
Perfected the art of the fart.
Their odor was foul
Which made bystanders howl
And the booms they made flew off the chart!

I've always found this comical...  On the Beatles' White Album, "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" was immediately followed by "I Will."
A randy young man, a real toad,
Shot his load in a girl in the road!
Her mom was at home,
Which meant they couldn't roam
To a bedroom inside her abode.

PD64, OP70-72. The busy bishop of Birmingham

There once was a bishop of Birmingham
Who would screw the young boys while confirming them
As they'd kneel before God
He'd whip out his rod
And he'd pump his Episcopal sperm in them.

and this one has already appeared in here (PD40-42), but is worth repeating.

There once were two ladies of Birmingham
And this is the story concerning them
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
Of the bishop as he was confirming them

The bishop was nobody's fool
He'd been to a large public school
He lowered his britches
And diddled those bitches
With his 12 inch Episcopal tool

But that didn't bother the two
They said as the bishop withdrew
"The vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And longer and stronger than you."

and mine...

Now you've heard of the bishop of Birmingham
And all of the stories concerning him
Though one of his joys
Was screwing small boys
Still the Catholic Church isn't spurning him

For it seems upon learning of these
They'll still let him do as he'll please
And if caught, without fail
They will save him from jail
And move him to a new diocese

And so he can screw all the more
For he knows that the pope will ignore
Him repeating his follies
And getting his jollies
By making the new boys' butts sore.

925. Nice rack!

A woman (not part of the rabble)
Had three B's on her tiles playing Scrabble.
Her double-word score
Was a strong 24
When she used each one, spelling out 'babble.'

924. A frank Sumatra limerick

There's a man in Sumatra named Chang
Who thinks he can fuck an orang.
He's learning to grunt
And hopes 'rangutan cunt
Will not be too rough on his whang.