464. A gentleman doesn't tell

There once was a fellow named Norton,
Who's favorite sport was consortin'
With pretty young lasses
With big tits and asses,
Then calling his friends and reportin'.

463. Now, where were those WMDs?

With most of the US troops being pulled out of Iraq before 2012 arrives, I wonder where some might get posted.  You may often wonder why some of my limericks get posted!

A re-assigned sergeant, Gerard Pace,
Shows no relief on his poor, tard face.
Next assignment?  Three years
Ninety miles from Algiers!
He'll be stuck 'tween Iraq and a hard place.

462. Talking smack

A naughty young lisper named Percy,
Used language that leaned toward the cursy.
And to his great defithit
His mom heard one epithet
And paddled his butt without mercy.

461. Chaise Longue

I'd like to come up with a song,
Teaching folks that "chase lounge" is just wrong.
Next time at the pool
Show the hosts you're no fool,
And properly say it "shez long."

It's a losing battle.  Advertisements all spell it "lounge" (well, perhaps not in France!)

459-460. Anytime, anywhere

A man with a tongue of six inches,
Was awesome at pleasuring wenches.
Their clits, he would flick 'em,
Then lie down and lick 'em
On beds, couches, car seats or benches.

A horny young vixen named Millie,
Is quite an attractive young filly.
She can have an orgasm
Felt throughout her chasm
By just laying eyes on your willy.
(Kinda like premature ejaculation?)

456-458. Learning disorders

There is a young student named Black,
Who has an annoying knack
Of summoning coughs
To bother his profs,
And otherwise giving them flak.

There once was a fine street musician,
Who spent his entire life wishin'
He could teach at a college.
His minimal knowledge
Denied him.  He wasn't patrician.

While fucking a gal from Spokane,
A teacher said "I think I can
Last more than twelve minutes
By reviewing tenets
Espoused by the late Horace Mann."

Alternate to #449

Commenting to Limerick #449 on 12/27, "Boulderite" suggested that line 5 be as follows: 
A Wagnerian opera buff, Cameron,
Caused people to say without stammerin'
(When arias were being sung
In Ring of the Nibelung)
"Götterdämmerun'!  Quit yammerin', Cameron!!"

How's that?  I had to slightly alter lines 2-4, also...

454-455. Pair o' docs

A charlatan doctor named Zachary,
Drank bourbon and chewed on tobaccery.
Health rules which he bended
He e'en recommended
To patients!  His practice was quackery.

When gay patients visit Doc Engers,
This proctologist dallies and lingers.
When they proffer the rectum,
He loves to inspect 'em
But not, as you'd guess, with his fingers...

453. Sweetheart of the Rodeo

A cowgirl whose cunt was quite hot,
Could be easily screwed on the spot.
Every time she got fucked,
She hollered and bucked
For she really did like it a lot!

452. New motto: "No payin', no gayin'!"

A male prostitute, name of Kip,
Suffered greatly from post-nasal drip.
And it seemed to worsen
(and make him start cursin')
Each time a john gave him the slip.

451. Can you relate?

A normal teenager named Nelson,
Got told by his mom "I can tell, son,
You've been smoking and drinking
And probably thinking
Of sex!  You are going to hell, son!"

Since it is December 25th, I think I should test your seasonal musical knowledge:
What well-known Christmas song was first sung by a bunch of apes and orangutans?
>
>


The Little Drummer Boy.........
>
>
>by the Hairy Simian Chorale.

450. Borrowed from Ogden Nash

A very fat fellow named Andy,
Had nary a thought to get randy.
He said "'Liquor's quicker'
May give me a snicker
But as for me, 'candy is dandy!'"

Click HERE if you'd like to hear an entire poem spawned by Nash's famous couplet,
  Candy's dandy
  But liquor's quicker.
By the way, that's Ogden in the picture AND there's not a bit of truth in what I wrote!

449. Quiet, please!

A Wagnerian opera buff, Cameron,
Had a very bad habit of yammerin'
When arias were being sung
In Ring of the Nibelung.
It caused folks to say "Götterdämmerun'!"

446-448. Irish you a Merry Christmas

There once was a man named McGruder,
Who couldn't have been any cruder.
He found a young lass
With a beautiful ass,
And after he wud'er, he scrud'er.

There once was a man named McGregor,
Whose wife was about six months pregger.
With her belly so big,
Old McGregor, that pig,
Came in from the backside to peg 'er.

Here's one 'bout a slut named McGeorge,
With a pussy as hot as a forge.
She took on all men
Who wanted to sin,
And could make even old guys engorge.

Thanks to "Boulderite's" 2nd comment (q.v. below), I googled "Mc vs. Mac."  I had always thought inclusion of the 'a' indicated Scottish origins while omitting it meant Irish.  According to each article I read, either prefix can denote either ethnicity.  Since my title requires it, the protagonists shall remain offspring of The Emerald Isle.

445. Self-portrait

To anyone still reading, I apologize for brow-beating you to help me popularize this site by visiting more often, telling your friends, etc.  My passion for this rhyme-form is obviously not shared by many others.
There once was a poet named Phil
Who composed dirty limericks at will.
But he was obsessive
And so damned aggressive
It made all his friends say "Phil, chill!"