A long ago woman, a Phrygian,
Had an ass that was steatopygian
Surely wish I had seen ya,
You lass from Armenia,
And fucked your huge butt just a smygian.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
OP258-260. Letting an undesirous virus inspire us
With a flu bug the strength of Katrina
My cough aped a rabid hyena
My projectile vomit
Shot out like a comet
The length of a hockey arena.
The cance'ling of jobs was a pain
Rescheduling them - what a strain!
And my fluid intake
Caused my toilet to shake
And all night, be awake, what a drain!
The headaches, the fever, not pretty
The chills and the runs, ultra shitty
Though my ass is still burning
My strength is returning
Thus ends my sad tale of self-pity.
Want to hear more whining? Finding the right $#%&?@! title took longer than coming up with the bleepin' limericks! Happy day!
My cough aped a rabid hyena
My projectile vomit
Shot out like a comet
The length of a hockey arena.
The cance'ling of jobs was a pain
Rescheduling them - what a strain!
And my fluid intake
Caused my toilet to shake
And all night, be awake, what a drain!
The headaches, the fever, not pretty
The chills and the runs, ultra shitty
Though my ass is still burning
My strength is returning
Thus ends my sad tale of self-pity.
Want to hear more whining? Finding the right $#%&?@! title took longer than coming up with the bleepin' limericks! Happy day!
2035. Gorey hallelujah
There once was an ardent romancer
Who fancied himself a good dancer
And he wasn't too bad
'Til one leg that he had
Had to be removed due to bone cancer.
I'm rarely 'dark' -- but Edward Gorey often was...
Who fancied himself a good dancer
And he wasn't too bad
'Til one leg that he had
Had to be removed due to bone cancer.
I'm rarely 'dark' -- but Edward Gorey often was...
Monday, March 21, 2016
2034. It's in guys' genes
There once was a fellow named Guy
When he saw girls in jeans, he would sigh
And due to the itches
They caused in his britches
His pecker would poke thru his fly.
When he saw girls in jeans, he would sigh
And due to the itches
They caused in his britches
His pecker would poke thru his fly.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
2033. Heart-pounding hoops
The basketball play of my Sooners
Makes me think they could use some fine-tuners
Bricked shots begin landin'
With reckless abandon,
At halftime, do they all have nooners?
Oklahoma just moved into the Sweet 16 by beating VCU 85-81. We led 44-31 at the half but don't seem to know how to maintain or stretch a lead.
Makes me think they could use some fine-tuners
Bricked shots begin landin'
With reckless abandon,
At halftime, do they all have nooners?
Oklahoma just moved into the Sweet 16 by beating VCU 85-81. We led 44-31 at the half but don't seem to know how to maintain or stretch a lead.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
2031-2032. A prairie pimp & a coastal coquette
U.S. girls won't show tits lest you dare 'em
While Canadian girls love to bare 'em
If you're up in Saskatchewan
Young David might fetch you one
I'm betting he keeps a small harem.
(Poster Dave Reddekopp lives in Swift Current, SK.)
Suz never writes rhymes that are po'
From her home in B.C. (Nanaimo)
To get her to flash
It would prob'ly take cash
But then, wouldn't that make her a 'ho?
(That would be poster Suzanne Heymann.)
While Canadian girls love to bare 'em
If you're up in Saskatchewan
Young David might fetch you one
I'm betting he keeps a small harem.
(Poster Dave Reddekopp lives in Swift Current, SK.)
Suz never writes rhymes that are po'
From her home in B.C. (Nanaimo)
To get her to flash
It would prob'ly take cash
But then, wouldn't that make her a 'ho?
(That would be poster Suzanne Heymann.)
OP257. Dinner AND dessert
Okay, this one's just nasty.
I once met a whore in New York
On her period. Paid her to pork
And what poured from her poon
I would eat with a spoon
But I ate all the crabs with a fork.
I once met a whore in New York
On her period. Paid her to pork
And what poured from her poon
I would eat with a spoon
But I ate all the crabs with a fork.
Friday, March 18, 2016
2029-2030. Our mutual admiration society
Suz, Dave, and Phil love to immerse
Themselves in five lines of fun verse
We never grow tired
Of being admired
For poems both clever and terse.
As host of this blog, let me say
That I'm glad you each come here to play
I'm "no longer in Kansas"
When I read your stanzas
The limmies you write make my day!
Many thanks to both of you crazy, capricious Canadians for your daily devotion to reading this blog. But what makes me even happier is when you put your own always-rhythmic, invariably funny limericks on display here.
I can't tell you how proud I am that visitors to this site never have to read any non-scanning, near-rhyming schlock (as they do at most other limerick sites... one in particular.) Just knowing you'll be reading my efforts makes me try my hardest. I can tell you two feel the same way. Here's to never lowering the bar!
Phondly,
Phil
Themselves in five lines of fun verse
We never grow tired
Of being admired
For poems both clever and terse.
As host of this blog, let me say
That I'm glad you each come here to play
I'm "no longer in Kansas"
When I read your stanzas
The limmies you write make my day!
Many thanks to both of you crazy, capricious Canadians for your daily devotion to reading this blog. But what makes me even happier is when you put your own always-rhythmic, invariably funny limericks on display here.
I can't tell you how proud I am that visitors to this site never have to read any non-scanning, near-rhyming schlock (as they do at most other limerick sites... one in particular.) Just knowing you'll be reading my efforts makes me try my hardest. I can tell you two feel the same way. Here's to never lowering the bar!
Phondly,
Phil
OP256. The best in the west
I know of a woman, Suzanne
Whose submissions would splendidly scan
She's quick and she's witty
Her verses aren't shitty
She writes out her rhymes like few can.
I've praised Phil a fair bit here, as well I should, but I admire your ability too, so I felt you needed a verse.
Whose submissions would splendidly scan
She's quick and she's witty
Her verses aren't shitty
She writes out her rhymes like few can.
I've praised Phil a fair bit here, as well I should, but I admire your ability too, so I felt you needed a verse.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
2027-2028. Irish I'd been there
There once was a colleen named Erin
Who had her a wonderful pair an'
Her tits were so flawless
She'd often go braless
To make sure the men kept a'starin'.
Those breasts were so firm, they were flopless
And in public, she sometimes went topless
Once (when mores she tested)
The girl got arrested
(She'd thought that the street had been copless.)
Who had her a wonderful pair an'
Her tits were so flawless
She'd often go braless
To make sure the men kept a'starin'.
Those breasts were so firm, they were flopless
And in public, she sometimes went topless
Once (when mores she tested)
The girl got arrested
(She'd thought that the street had been copless.)
2026. Close enough
To a slightly deaf vixen named May
I said, "Wanta roll in the hay?"
I took it as 'yes'
When I heard her confess,
"I think so, now twat did you say?"
I said, "Wanta roll in the hay?"
I took it as 'yes'
When I heard her confess,
"I think so, now twat did you say?"
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
OP255. But how did he get all those great seats?
Rollen Stewart provoked sports fans’ raving
“Rainbow Man” was a TV sports fixture during the 1980’s. In 1992 he held a hotel maid hostage and threatened to shoot at LAX airplanes, resulting in his being sentenced to three life terms.
With his JOHN 3:16 sign a-waving.
For his rainbow ‘Fro show
Made us all go “Oh, no.” ---
Jailed, his ass, not his soul, now needs
saving.
“Rainbow Man” was a TV sports fixture during the 1980’s. In 1992 he held a hotel maid hostage and threatened to shoot at LAX airplanes, resulting in his being sentenced to three life terms.
2025. Feliz cumpleaños
My dear daughter, Allison C.,
Means more than the whole world to me
She was born on this date
In the year nineteen-eight-
y, no child could be sweeter than she!
Means more than the whole world to me
She was born on this date
In the year nineteen-eight-
y, no child could be sweeter than she!
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
2024. Shakespeare's 3/15 shake-up
The soothsayer said, "Woe betides
Caesar if he steps forth on the Ides."
Came true; Bru' and Cassius
Proved they were the brashes'
Unsheathing swords kept at their sides.
Caesar if he steps forth on the Ides."
Came true; Bru' and Cassius
Proved they were the brashes'
Unsheathing swords kept at their sides.
Monday, March 14, 2016
2023. Part of circumference... (mine, too)
Though it's special, today isn't my day
But it surely will be a 'get high' day
Apple, cherry and peach
Think I'll have some of each
'Cause it's 3-point-1-4, yes, it's Pi Day!
But it surely will be a 'get high' day
Apple, cherry and peach
Think I'll have some of each
'Cause it's 3-point-1-4, yes, it's Pi Day!
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