1791. Failin' Fallin et al.

This one's number is also the year
That our Bill of Rights got put in gear
These ten extra laws
No longer give pause
To our 'fine' Okie leaders, I fear.
Mary Fallin is Governor of Oklahoma, and a poor one.

OP195. Is "Off" a TV channel?

This addresses one of the lamer arguments that some religious people make.

With some theists I have a big beef
They insist non-belief's a belief
So here is the ath-
Eist statement of faith:
We don't have it. Stop giving us grief!

1790. No internet connection

At the register, Fred threw the fee at her
(The porn shop clerk.)  He cast no glee at her.
Flick's cost was 130
In sleeve that screamed, "DIRTY!!!"
Fred's home watching "Masturbate Theatre."
If the movie has a character named Abigail, Fred will vicariously go Downon Abby.

1789. Transcendental eligibility

At Princeton, the coach needs to know
If a quarterback prospect's a 'go'
"He can run and he passes
His soft high school classes
But tell me this; can he Thoreau?"

PD183-185. Geography pornography

There was a young man from Toledo
Who was cursed with excessive libido
To lick and to screw
And to masturbate, too
Were the three major points of his credo.

There was a young student from Boston
Who drove around town in an Austin
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung outside and he lost 'em.

There once was a lady from Salem
Who used to take cocks and inhale 'em
The fruits of these feats
(Pubic hairs from her teeth)
Were saved until Fall when she'd bale 'em.

OP194. Mallard mayhem

One of this week's contest entries.  I thought it was clever, anyway.

I heard someone holler "Hey bro
You should get all your ducks in a row"
So I stood, looking solemn
My ducks in a column
It matters, but why, I don't know.

1788. Weight! Weight! Don't tell me.

OP193 brought me mirth
'Cause when speaking of fat, I've no dearth
Like Dave, I have grown
And I weigh 18 stone
Which is how they count poundage in Perth.
(The Scots prounounce it 'Pairth.'  Don't know about Aussies.)

1787. What is the newsstand price nowadays?

An ingenuous priest in Quebec
Heard that Playmates wore naught 'neath the neck!
Even though he was niggardly
Somehow he figgered he
Ought to pay five bucks to check.

1786. And the green glass goes all around

A writer I know who's named Dot'll
Agonize over each tit and jottle
She will quit for a smoke,
Drink a cold twelve-ounce coke
And then diddle herself with the bottle.
(It's actually "jot and tittle."  Click it.)

OP193. Older, wiser, super-sizer

Wish I'd thought of this a week and a half ago, when it was my birthday.

I've spent 33 years here on Earth
And I've grown a whole lot since my birth
I'm becoming more sage
As I'm adding more age
But I'm mostly just adding more girth.

1785. I wanted to rhyme 'archaic'

But my storyline is lousy.
A New Jersey strongman went driftin'
Then settled just outside of Clifton
So he grew archaic
Up there in Passaic
And now he does no heavy liftin'.

1784. Preferably the lower ones

A man whose big dick had the chills
Shivered worse after potions and pills
He said, "I think maybe a
Hot pair of labia
Could be the cure for my ills."

1783. A (Johnny) Cash discount

Horny John fantasized about June
Couldn't wait to get in her sweet poon
He finally got some
But like so much flotsam
It turned out to be just jejune.

1782. Processed proboscis

When you have an itch in your nose
And a sneeze soon will have you in throes
Be sure to eschew
A gigantic "Ah-CHOO!"
Use a Kleenex and give it some blows.

1781. Frustrating pheromones

A lesbian lady named Lucy
Had a snatch that was fragrant and juicy
When she'd ride on a bus
It would cause her to cuss
'Cause some guy always played 'Lucy goosy.'