1756. Do they clean their window puns?

I know that my senses are dullin'
But how Scots say some towns has me mullin'
One ends "a-n-e"
So it's sure hard to see
Why it is they pronounce Gullane "Gullun."
I got to play golf there on my only trip to the British Isles.  It is currently hosting The Scottish Open.

1755. Nguyen will we learn?

A Vietnamese chef named Huh
Heard from planning board, yelled "Duh-ta-Duhhhh!!"
For the name of his new
Restaurant had gone through
They thought 'foe' -- it's pronounced, "What the Pho."

1754. Do 3-somes require a drei sense of humor?

Last week, standing at my gym locker,
The guy next to me (quite a talker)
Said, "I just took my girl
In a plane for a twirl!"
I replied, "This is spad... did you fokker?"

1753. Probably tanted her

There was an old maid named Felice
Got appointed as ward of her niece
The girl was a teen
With a streak that was mean
And she gave Aunt Felice no surcease.

OP176. Politically Incorrect

My country's PM, Stephen Harper
Is a sellout, a fraud, and a carper*
I wish our prime minister
Wasn't so sinister
And all our voters were sharper.

*carper - someone who constantly criticizes in a petty way.

Honestly, it was the only other rhyme I could find, but it's true enough.  Harper has no shortage of character flaws and I can't wait until that asshole is out of office.

OP175. Ode to the Limericist

I know an old poet, Phil Graham
Too masculine for me to lay him
Foremost among mentors
For young verse inventors
Is this proper homage to pay him?

I have to admit, I think my limericks have gotten better since I first joined this site.  It helps to have someone around who's been at this longer than I have, and generally do quality control, and give tips when it may improve my work.  For instance, here is where I learned the importance of making alliteration my ally.

OP174. Hot dog!

A trucker was parked on the street
And his dog, she was in the back seat
But the man left his truck
In the blazing sun - fuck!
Let me tell you, that bitch was in heat.

OP173. If you can't join 'em, beat 'em

Or, beat off to 'em, anyway.

I know of a gay man in heat
Who is seeking another to eat
But rejection's his fate
As his targets are straight
Since he can't beat the heat, beats his meat.

1752. Not consonant with her request

A woman turned white as a sheet
When her cop friend was not too discreet
She said, "Show me your Glock"
What he heard, though, was "cock"
So he proved he was packing some heat.

1751. Unfun way to lose 10 pounds

An intestinal virus sure sux
Caused my bowels a 3 day case of flux
Dehydrated, felt 'finished'
The E.R. replenished
Me, cost over six thousand bux.

1750. Good recipes, though

When one Food Network TV show's summoned
It leaves me exceedingly bummoned
Host repeats, "Now" and "Just"
'Til I think I will bust
It's that Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond.

1749. Halling his ashes

A curious teenager, Burke,
Would peek through a keyhole and jerk
That naughty young voyeur
Would watch from the foyer
In hopes he would see his folks ferk.

1748. Hair scare

What is it that makes Donald Trump
Hate illegals and be such a grump?
Though NBC dropped him
That act hasn't stopped him
From planning to go out and stump.

OP172. Cleanup on aisle 4

An unstable fellow named Dirk
Got angry and then went berserk
He took off his trousers
And wanked himself - wowzers!
All over the place - what a jerk!

Changed the title, thought it was better.

1747. Throwing his fat in the ring

New Jersey's Chris Christie has led
The state twice; thinks it gives him Prez cred
And though he's lost weight
He still carries "Bridgegate"
As the albatross he'll never shed.