1701. BIG braggart

A man spent his waking hours bragging
About all of the girls he was shagging
Claimed, "I try to get blown
But the sluts moan and groan
As my dick's so big, it causes gagging."

1700. Bummer

I cancelled my trip on the train
Amtrak: "Tracks are unsafe -- too much rain."
They'd have sent us by bus
But I felt, "Too much fuss"
Gonna miss my reunion, what pain!
No train travel between OKC and San Antonio until "the subsoil is safe."  Was all set to see my USAF buddies from 50 years ago.

1699. Semper fie on you

Marines like to say, "We're the leanes'
The roughest, the toughest, the meanes'"
They say 'rifle,' not 'gun'
Is for fightin', not fun,
The shorter word's slang for a penis.

1698. Wave goodbye

There's a once-super hoopster named Kobe
Whose ancestors came from Nairobi
He plays for L.A.;
Santa Monica Bay
Is where he likes to surf on his Hobie.

1697. Swallowing a 'trolled substance

There once was a dirty old dwarf
Who would beat his meat under a wharf
The king's daughter came 'long,
Gave a suck on his dong,
And into a prince he did morph!

1696. Ego boost

I just won "Email of the Week"
At AWAD, click here for a peek
I admit, I am proud
To stand out from the crowd
But a lot of the entries were bleak.

You'll see the 5 words of the week at top right at the website.
Scroll nearly to the bottom to find my punny submission.

1695. Bum luck

A versatile thing is the asshole
It's the get-rid-of-shit-and-of-gas hole
And if you are queer
Then another guy's rear
Is an apt substitute for a lass hole.

1694. That ball was hammered!

I've lost my competitive edge
On the golf course I suck with a wedge.
On the greens I'm so meek
And my stroke is so weak
That perhaps I should putt with a sledge.

1693. Putting a damper on things

There once was a woman named Sybil
With lips that men wanted to nibble
One toothless old geezer
Attempted to please her
But left her chin wet with his dribble.

1692. Oh, shoot!

There once was a fellow named Hopper
Whose plans to have kids came a cropper
Orgasms were meek
Not a shot, more a leak
The amount wouldn't fill an eye dropper.

1691. Both are guilty

Unrest has subsided in Balt'more
Which group do you think we should fault more?
The cops who break backs
Or the rioting blacks?
We must hope neither one will assault more.

1690. The more, the hairier

At a famed hotel in the French Quarter
Two faggots tried finding a porter
Not to carry their bags
But to join in their shags
And thus play at a gay 3-way, sorta...

1689. The treasure's ben gunn a while

An English sea captain named Smollett
Took a sextant and whatchamacallit
On the Hispaniola
To search for payola
With Flint's map, then filled up his wallet.

1688. You May 2nd this one

Born this date: Donatella Versace
‘Twas in Italy where they play Bocce
She’s had so much Botox
Her lips look full of rocks
But she fucks at a pace that’s vivace.

1687. Gone 'Gator

The Thunder's new coach is named Billy
Never coached in the pros, could be silly
To think he'll adjust
And not turn out a bust
Mr. Donovan, please be a dilly...