1541. From mouth-watering to eye-watering

I love when my wife's in the nude
Could it mean I'm about to get screwed?
But when she then starts
To let foul-smelling farts
Well, it puts a big dent in my mood.

1540. Boomerang boy

There once was a kid from Wyoming
Who loved to take off and go roaming
Ne'er got lost, not one smidgen
For, just like a pigeon
He had an innate sense for homing.

1539. Revolting redolence

A slutty old woman, a skank,
Had a pussy that horribly stank
Her titties were droopy
Her panties were poopy
The bitch was entirely rank.

1538. Eagles and Turkeys

Here's hoping DeMarco's no bobbler*
Of hand-offs as I eat much gobbler
My tummy may hurt
But I'll still have dessert;
At the least pumpkin pie and some cobbler.

*The Dallas Cowboys play the Philadelphia Eagles this afternoon.  Cowboy running back Demarco Murray is setting records but is also fumble prone.

1537. Mudder fucker

There once was a woman coquettish
Who had an unusual fetish
She only had lain
With men in the rain
Where both inside and out she got wettish.

As I wrote this one I kept thinking the rhymes had a certain familiarity.  Just now, 12 hours after publishing today's, I went back thru the archives.  Sure enough, on 9-17-2011 I wrote this one.  Please forgive a memory-challenged old geezer.

1536. Diacritical barkings

In truth, I've never read a word of his.
The author named William Dean Howells
Used consonants, commas and vowels
But the words that he wrote
I cannot give my vote:
They resemble what comes from one's bowels.
(Note the colon ending line 4.)

1535. She'll have something with a cherry

There once was a virgin named Sookie
Who went in a bar just to lookie
The men bought her drinks
And it's likely, methinks,
That she left there without a plugged nookie.

1534. Mixed messages

A quirky gourmand named Mahoney
As his favorite meal ate baloney
To lend air of class
He'd wear suits by Bill Blass
And then finish his feast with spumoni.

1533. Fresh fish

On his first day in stir, a young queer
Heard his cell mate say, "Get used to fear.
And use Nupercainal
For all the pains anal
You're gonna wind up with in here."

1532. Just plumb silly

A savvy home builder named Coen
Liked toilets made only by Moen
He once had used Crane
To get stuff down the drain
But they weren't best to keep water floen.

1531. Only the stats suck

The wives who won't give any head
Are more num'rous, by far, than is said
By refusing, they blunder,
They ought not to wonder
Why husbands then stray from their bed.

1530. Go fig-ure

An enormous sheep rancher, a glutton,
Had a world's-record-sized belly button
From this umbilicus
There grew a large ficus
Providing some shade for two mutton.
I had always said 'um-BILLY-cus' but my mother-in-law, an RN, pronounced it 'um-buh-LIE-cus.'  Thanks for the rhyme, Lahoma!

1529. High hard one

A well-hung young pitcher named Moore
Hit the heads of two girls in Row 4
"Why is it you bean us?"
They said; "It's your penis
We come to these baseball games for."

1528. Not much on his pate

There once was an old man in Rome
Just as hairless as St. Peter's dome
He tried using Rogaine
But it gave him no gain
So he had no need of a comb.

1527. Titillating

You gals seem to be in a race
To see who stuffs the most in her face
In the past 30 years
You've grown big tits and rears
Just check this out: I breast my case!