1397. A vast wasteland*

Most shows on TV I despise
So few are for folks who are wise
And the ones with good plots
Often aren't in prime slots
And get cancelled when ratings don't rise.

*53 years later, it's (click) "a toxic dump."
Note: The clip's lead-in misspells his last name.  It's "Minow."

1396. Idaho if you'll like this one

A pederast in Coeur d'Alene
Kept a teen boy for pleasure and pain
Since the youngster cross-dressed
In this town 'way out west,
Folks called him "Catamity Jane."

If that leaves you speechless, perhaps a "catamite got your tongue?"

1395. Now you tell me

After planting some seeds (they were Burpee's)
Farmer Brown took a gal out for Slurpees
Things progressed, he inserted,
Got done, then she blurted,
"I think you should know I have herpes."

1394. Avoiding Common Corps

A hoofer who hailed from Hanoi
Went to Moscow to join the Bolshoi
Since not classically trained,
She wasn't retained
They refused to employ hoi polloi.

1393. Do you suppose he's paid a celery?

A nutritionist said in his talk,
"You should eat foods containing a stalk."
He told us that rhubarb
Has only a few carb-
ohydrates.  Still, taste makes me balk.

1392. What a drip

Upon coming home from the Doc's
My boyfriend said, "I have the pox."
So, that son of a bitch
Is who's made my cunt itch!
The unfaithful prick gores my ox.

1391. Alp me wander

In July if you're near Chamonix
You should go there to see where Frogs skix
After that, I think yeux
Should head north to Montreux
Where their jazz fest perhaps you will six.
Apologies to The Beach Boys for that title.

1390. Able-bodied semen

A hooker who knew Captain Bligh
Gave all crew members blow jobs, no lie!
Before she would stop
She would suck every drop,
Which led to the saying, "bone dry."
If she had been on HMS Bounty, I doubt the men would have mutinied.

1389. Today's slant on things

I know of a tourist named Lisa
Who always has longed to see Pisa
With its tower which leans
Ah, but fate intervenes --
The date just expired on her visa.

1388. Easier said than done

When a horny guy sees his first twat
He's liable to come on the spot!
She'd like it much better
If he'd only let her
Insert him 'fore firing his shot.

1387. Sunshine patriots

Many U.S. citizens don't appreciate freedom.  This gives me Paine.
The Fourth of July comes each year
Celebrated with flags and good cheer
We're lucky descendants,
For our independence
Is worth more than fireworks and beer.

In 1776, Thomas Paine wrote, These are the times that try men's souls: The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.

1386. Halep 'bout this?

Simona had two massive mounds
34 double D's, folks said, "Zounds!"
A doctor used suction
To give her reduction
The stuff he pulled out weighed ten pounds!

Belgian Simona Halep lost in today's Wimbledon semifinals.  She had breast reduction surgery when she was still a teenager.  Here are before and after pics.

1385. Sound familiar?

There once was a fellow from Dayton
With sex drive in need of some satin'
And so he got married
But now he's more harried --
The bitch he wed doesn't like matin'.

1384. Behave or be nettled

When it comes to religious hegemony
There's no group as strong as the Yemeni
If folks do not follah
Mohammed and Allah
They're stung with a big sea anemone.
And they call the wound Shari'a...

1383. Pay to play

Don't ever try stiffing a whore
(You screw, you don't pay, out the door)
'Cause if her pimp finds you
He more than reminds you,
His thugs beat you 'til you're quite sore.