OP88. Inverse, perverse, and in verse

Well, I've decided to cover every province and territory in Canada on here.  Hello, Manitoba.

There once was a man from Winnipeg
Who got caught with his dick in a mini-keg
He felt so perverted
His penis inverted
His outie peg now is an innie peg.

981. You know who you are

And a hearty "Welcome back to Limerick Land!"
His libido, I'll bet, is most staunch
When it comes time to bugger the haunch
Of his Latino mon
Down in Boca Raton.
Quel dommage were there failure to Lonch!

PD73-74. Oldies and goodies

There was an old fellow from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time;
When asked, "Why the third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

A venturesome three-week old chamois
Strayed off in the woods from his mamois,
And might have been dead
But some picknickers fed
Him with sandwiches, milk and salamois.

980. Hymen-rhymin'

There once was a young man named Jerry
Who thought he could bust his date's cherry.
Spent ninety bucks splurgin',
Tried urgin', the virgin
Refused to give in (too contrary.)

979. About vase!

A very poor woman named Duff
Heretofore led a life that was tough.
She worked making pottery
But just won the lottery!
Still throws, but it's money for stuff.
I wonder how much she urned before winning?

OP87. This pope's a dope

So those Catholics, they chose a new pope
With a new man, you'd think there'd be hope
Will he punish, at least
All the pedophile priests?
Based on early returns so far, nope.

And this jerkoff had the gall to say gay adoption was child abuse. Never mind that it obviously isn't, but he'd do well to remember a passage from his own holy book, spoken by Jesus himself.  Matthew 7:5 - "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  And people wonder why I hate religion.

978. Lambasted lips

A horny old bitch name of Glenda,
Setup for herself an agenda.
She decided to screw
Every man whom she knew
And it rubbed raw her rosy pudenda.

OP86. Irish I hadn't

There once was a woman from Cork
Who'd a visit one day by the stork
For upon close inspection
They did not have protection
He did not want to spoon, but to fork.

Happy St Patty's Day!

977. Happy St. Pat's

A sweet Irish colleen named Flora
Exudes such a wondrous aurora
That if ever you spy
This girl passing by
'Twill make you say "faith and begorrah!"

Q.  Who is Irish and sits by the swimming pool?
A.  Paddy O'Furniture

976. I hope this one doesn't suck well...

An oyster bar worker named Tuckwell
Took up French Horn 'cause he couldn't shuck well.
His wife told him, "Barry,
Your dick may be hairy
But that doesn't mean that you fuck well."
Sorry, I hate limericks where the 1st two lines have nothing to do with the ending.  Barry Tuckwell is an eminent horn player, great with the valves but I don't know that he ever worked with bivalves.

975. Way beyon' the Yukon

I'd hate to live up in Point Barrow
Where the temperature range is quite narrow.
A real superhero
Mayn't mind below zero
But I get chilled through to the marrow.

OP85. The prospects of prospectors

Damn you, now you got the wheels turning in my brain...

It was cold every day in the Yukon
Everyone who went out had their toque on.
By day travellers of old
Would come mining for gold
And by night they would go get their fukon.

Well, gotta stay warm somehow...

OP84. Another unlucky Canuck

Why not, another Canadian one.  Ontario needs to be represented.

There once was a man from Toronto
And a girl that he'd love to get onto
He wanted to fuck her
But was out of luck. Her
Reply was "no way, I don't want to!"

974. Out-of-luck Canuck

Poster Dave Reddekopp is from Saskatchewan and may enjoy this one -- that is, if he doesn't suffer from the same affliction!
There once was a man from Gaspé
Who found him a chick he could lay.
His peninsular dick
Wasn't long, wasn't thick.
Said the girl, "So that's all ya got, eh?"

973. No success with sweet talk

There once was a husband named Carl
Who referred to his wife as his darl-
ing.  But this didn't help
And she often would yelp
With her face in a terrible snarl.