OP83. Wordy, but dirty

I'm a writer of poems disgusting
Full of sucking and fucking and lusting
But what can I say?
That's the limerick way
So my verses don't need much adjusting.

OP82. An uncommon limerick

I tell you, to give you some clarity
Most limericks are filled with vulgarity
But this one is clean
If you know what I mean
And in that sense it's really a rarity.

972. (Not a) Laster of Paris

To his date said a Frog (a Grenouille),
"Nous allons to my car and I'll scrouille."
He came prematurely,
The girl said demurely,
"Mon Dieu, Philippe!  I hardly knouille!"
That's "knew ya" in the Biblical sense.

971. Turning the other cheek

Coach Sandusky, that old pedophile,
Won't be buggering boys for a while.
Since he went off to prison
The dicks which have risen
Were others', and Coach didn't smile.

Poster Okiejokey previewed this one and asked that I provide a link to his very first post, which WASN'T a limerick but did reference Mr. Sandusky (and very cleverly!)  Click HERE to read his Christmas song parody.  Then click your browser's 'back button' to return here.

970. Driving while drooling

While cruising along on I-10
A man dribbled spit down his chin.
As he reached for a wipe
Gave a truck a sideswipe!
The police notified next-of-kin.

969. Too strong a test-line?

After six months at sea catching fish,
An angler picked up a cute dish.
When she stripped he said, "God!
You smell just like a cod!"
Pissed her off.  He did not get his wish.

968. Five-finger exercise

There used to be (maybe still?) a product called "5 Day Deodorant Pads."  Here's one about a 5-Day Whip Sock...

An unusual bastard named Babbitt
Had a kinky and quite nasty habit.
He liked to make love
To a tight-fitting glove
Which was lined with the fur of a rabbit.

967. Should have tried nit-picking

There once was a woman named Bridget
With crabs 'round her twat --  made her fidget.
She decided to try
To remove them with lye.
Crabs are gone, so are pubes, what an idjit!

966. Recumbent rumblings

I have me a brother named Steve
Whose snoring you wouldn't believe!
It's loud and it's constant.
Please stop it this onstant
Or else a swift punch you'll receive!

965. Can't win -- too much vin

The golfer, Camilo Villegas,
Skipped tourneys to visit bodegas.
Sampled so many cabs
That he got flabby abs.
No one bets on him now in Las Vegas.

PD72. Inci-dental humor

‘Open wide,’ said a dentist with grace
To the anxious old virginal face.
‘You may feel now, Miss South,
 A small prick in your mouth  – ’
 She cried, ‘Hardly the time or the place!’
This one, along with many other good ones can be found at
http://www.limericks.davidalanbrooks.com/
Click on a category from the banner across the top.

964. Urethra gonna like this or not...

Princess Kate was on fire for his load
But Prince Will had a quite-plugged-up doad.
Said, "I'll have to create us
A brand new meatus
Or else my poor dick may explode!
  The meatus (me-AY-tus) is the opening in the head of the penis.

963. Tell us, what eels you?

A guy, tired of playing the tuba,
Decided to learn how to scuba.
But on his first foray
Got bit by a moray.
This happened somewhere off Aruba.

962. Woman rapist

A bitch from Madrid named Drucilla
Was as mean as an angry gorilla.
She'd pick up a rover --
When screwing was over
She'd beat him up inside her villa.

961. How to lower your score

In golf, you are expected to hole every putt.  An exception is if you've left your previous shot so close to the hole that your opponent concedes the putt.  This is called a "gimme."  Too often, the player makes the concession to himself -- sometimes very liberally, i.e., the ball lays 3' or more from the cup.

One way of determining whether it is virtually unmissable is to place the putter head in the cup and extend the shaft out toward the ball.  If the ball is nearer to the cup than the bottom of the putter grip, it is said to be "in the leather" and can be picked up (in a friendly game) with one more stroke added to your score.

There once was a golfer named Jimmy
Who thought every putt was a gimme.
He didn’t care whether
‘Twas inside the leather,
Just wanted to be in this limmie.