OP62. For my dad

My father died a year ago today.  This one is for him:

This limerick is for my dad
He's the greatest influence I've had
I'm glad that my father
Was willing to bother
To help me through life, good and bad.

894. Achtongue!

A fastidious woman named Young
Used Clorox when douching her bung.
When her man went to lick her
Could not have got sicker
And suffered white spots on his tongue.

OP61. Curves

I once met a girl at a rave
Who was sad for her tits were concave
She would get much more sex
If her tits were convex
Because that's what the fellas all crave.

893. Borscht Belt reject

A silly young Jewess named Jamie,
Was labeled by friends, "Cocka-mamie."
The jokes that she told
Were all very old
And most of their punch lines were lamie.

892. Shrubbery

There is a musician, Veronica,
Whose bush smells just like a Japonica.
If you fall for its spell
She'll screw you real well
And blow you like you're a harmonica.

891. FLK

An oddly-constructed child, Craig,
Was born looking much like an egg.
Something else was real weird --
When from womb he appeared
He had only one arm and one leg.

The title refers to an abbreviation actually used by pediatricians, social workers, etc.  I learned this from my cousin who spent over 30 years in child welfare.  It means "Funny lookin' kid."

890. Irish cream

There once was a strange man from Dublin
With a habit that most will find troublin'.
He'd beat off 'til creamin',
Insert straw in semen
And blow hard until it was bubblin'!

889. Change of mind

There once was a maiden named Trudy,
Whose opinion of sex was quite prudy
'Til a man came along
With a 13 inch dong --
No virgin now, Trudy got scrudy!

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888. Totally tacky

There was an equestrienne, Vicky,
Whose fingers were constantly sticky.
With one foot in stirrup
She'd sip maple syrup,
The spills made the reins really icky.

887. Brown-nosing in action

For folks who say, "Your limericks pain us!"
Take this ('bout a queer) and it's heinous.
It seems that his forte
Is he's able to snort
Back his cum from his dear boyfriend's anus.

Is anyone else bothered by the pronunciation 'for-tay' when 'strength' is meant?  Forte is a monosyllabic noun.  Forté is a two-syllable adverb meaning 'loud.'

886. Emotions after death?

A sweet little honey named Laurie
Went to India on a safari.
One night to her tent
A starved tiger went
And ate her up, leaving her sari.

PD54-57. Classically crafted

I once knew a lass from Tacoma,
Whose twat had a wondrous aroma.
When the lads took a whiff,
About half would get stiff,
The rest would fall into a coma.

We all know that tampons are spongy
And oftentimes get rather grungy.
But why they have strings
(Among other things)
Is so that the crabs can all bungee.

There was a young chap in Arabia
Who courted a widow named Fabia.
"Yes, my tongue is as long
As the average man's dong,"
He said, licking the lips of her labia.

One day a young lady named Flo
Was approached by a dwarf for a blow.
In disgust she replied,
"Your request is denied.
I don't think I could stoop quite that low."

Ready for quash rackets?

OK, Okie.  I read your comment to #OP58.  To level the playing field for the contest and get more readers aware of it, I'm changing the start time to noon CST on Dec. 3.  Entries will be accepted up until 10:00 pm CST on 12/3.

I am challenging all readers to write a limerick (or limericks) rhyming the word 'quash.'  I didn't originally say you had to rhyme it, but that seems only reasonable.  It can appear as the last word of any line.

If you want to enter, put your limericks in as comments to this post.  Enter as many diferent limmies as you want.

Voting (one time by any reader) will be done as further comments to this post,  It will commence at 10:01 pm CST on 12/3 and end at noon CST on Tuesday, 12/4.  To make it fair (?), you may not vote for your own entries.

Award 5 points to your favorite and 3 points to your second favorite.  If you submit any entries, you must vote.  Otherwise, all votes cast for you will be erased.  Only cast one first-place and one second-place vote, please.

Remember, you don't have to enter to vote, but you must vote if you enter!!

Hoping none of you are at a losh for words that rhyme....
   The Limericist

OP59-60. The debate continues

First, in trying to grasp the creation
Man had bypassed experimentation
And his ignorance? Hid it.
In proclaiming "God did it!"
Left the Maker without explanation.

We still needed an answer, you see
For how the world's life came to be
But Darwin's evolution
Gave us our solution
To all of life's diversity.

885. It's been a while

If you've been wondering what happened to the composer limericks...
That Russian man, Sergei Rachmaninoff,
Wrote things that turn people both on 'n off.
Rhapsody on a Theme...
Has parts like a dream
But they often are wasted upon a toff.