650. No, it doesn't rhyme -- it's symbolism!

Just decided to play around with some non-ASCII* characters that can be created on your keyboard if you know the trick.

There once was a person, a ♂
Who found him a willing ♀
She stole his young ♥
So he gave her a ♦
And whistles a happy ♫

* American Standard Code for Information Interchange

Since everyone is familiar with bumper stickers like "I ♥ NYC" I have two others in mind:
     For veterinarians to distribute:  I ♠ my dog
     and for PETA haters, I ♣ baby seals.

649. Lies about lays

A mendacious braggart named Darius,
Claims that he has done acts most nefarious
With hundreds of women.
(From books they are stemmin',
It turns out they're all just vicarious.)

647-648. Pleasure givers

There once was a girl named Marie,
Who went on a cock-sucking spree.
She serviced twelve pricks
With her sucks and her licks,
And filled every fellow with glee.

A funny young guy named McCord,
Had a prick that was shaped like a gourd.
It had a crook neck
And it gave the girls heck.
Once he got it in, he was adored.

646. I'm in no Rush to read

I get emails from one Mr. Dant,
Which have a conservative cant.
He daily will go off
For he is a show-off,
I've labeled as 'junk' every rant.

645. Holey moley

While sleeping outside, Mrs. Cole
Got entered by one tiny mole!
The critter did clog 'er,
It took a small auger
To get the thing out of her hole.

644. Another short form

I was challenged to write a Haiku,
But lim'ricks are all that I do.
Syllables seventeen
(Five-seven-five) is too mean,
If I tried one, 'twould not be a coup.

643. Triplicates

There once was a fellow named Diener,
Who thrice daily screwed with his wiener.
First, when he'd get up,
Lastly after he'd sup
And a nooner (i.e., in-betweener.)

Writing this one reminded me of two jokes:
What are the three stages of a man's sex life?
  Tri-Weekly
  Try Weekly
  Try Weakly

And what is a morner?  It's a nooner, only sooner.

642. What's in a name?

A golfer from UCLA
Is playing The Masters today.
Tonight, won't have sex
For his name is a hex,
You see, it is Patrick Cantlay.

641. Is this swell?

I guess since I'm putting my bard on,
I'll try for success rhyming 'hard on',
And shed luminescence
Regarding tumescence.
(If that's not my best -- beg your pardon.)

639-640. Cream of Leak? No, I've done better..

There once was a woman named Eakin,
Whose toilet one night started leakin'.
Water dripped on the floor
And then flowed out the door,
When discovered, you ne'er heard such shriekin'!

I drink lots of water in Reykjavik,
Which, ten times a day, makes me take a leak
'Cross the street, after dark
In the National Park.
I tell tourists that "This is the lake ya seek."

637-638. Why I do it

I've received mail re: my prolificity
At rhyming with no specificity.
If my subjects weren't varied
Ennui'd get me buried,
I write them each day from necissity.

There once was a bastard named Milt,

Who decided his girlfriend to jilt.

The moment they parted

He quite loudly farted,

That burnt-bridge will not get re-built.

635-636. Loosy and Lucy

There was a poor husband named Jim,
Whose wife's cunt was needing a shim.
He could wander 'round in its
Vast space for ten minutes
Without ever feeling that quim.

There once was a lady named Lucy,
Who had an incredible pucy!
It never did itch
And when fucked, it would twitch!
It was tight but it also was jucy.

631-634. Composers Redux

Les Troyens by H. Berlioz,
Is an opera where you should not doze.
Symphonie Fantastique
Has five movements (all chic)
Dies Irae occurs at its close.

Tchaikovsky's first name it was Peter,
And no one wrote melodies neater.
His great works balletic
Are never emetic,
Nutcracker could not be much Suite-er.

Dvorak, first name Antonin,
Wrote some pieces with fire, some serene.
His tour of U.S.
Spawned The New World (his bes') --
No dumky*, his works are all keen.
*(Name applied to his 4th Piano Trio.  It's the plural of dumka which means a song or lament of captive people.)

The great Englishman, Gustav Holst,
Was known not to brag or to bolst.
Found a wife (had to whoop at her),
Then finished off "Jupiter",
The Planets is what I like molst.

630. Lasso lass

A very bad cowgirl named Heather,
Screwed like she was hell-bent for leather.
She really liked pokes
So she took on all folks,
Her calves she could not keep together.

629. Pressing on

An overtaxed printer named Micah,
Of all of the fonts, prefers Pica.
Self-employed in his biz
So his main problem is
That he has to pay double the FICA.