342. Shy guy

There once was a nice man named Farmer,
Considered to be quite a charmer.
When he took out a date
Whom, perhaps, he could mate,
He would do not a thing to alarm 'er.

341. Thpeech impediment

A Scot with a lisp dated Cassie,
And he called her "my thweet bonnie lathy."
He said "What a crime
That, with lookth tho thublime,
Your fartth thmell tho bad when you're gathy."

340. On a tear off the air

Carl Kasell (pronounced 'castle') is an American radio personality on National Public Radio.  He's the official judge and scorekeeper of the weekly news quiz show "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!"  It's a delightful listen, even though their limericks are far too tame.
That silver-tongued guy, Carl Kasell,
At seducing young girls is quite facile.
He fondles their hooters
And diddles their cooters,
For him it is hardly a hassle.
DISCLAIMER: To my knowledge, nothing in the preceding limerick has any basis in fact.  I just needed a name to rhyme with facile and hassle, and also wanted to introduce you to the radio show.

339. Props

A comedian (born in Australia),
In the UK tries hard to regale ya.
At a club near Trafallagher
He steals shtick from Gallagher
By using much paraphernalia.

337-338. More gaiety

There once was a fellow named Huggard,
Who at work was a consummate sluggard.
For Huggard was gay
And he wasted each day
Just thinking of ways to be buggard.

A partnerless homo named Art,
Tried something not thought of as smart.
Up his ass, shoved a gerbil,
Which gave him much terbil --
Each time that it wiggled, he'd fart.

336. Ode to the limerick

My blog's introduction (top of each page) used to include the classic limerick by Oscar Wilde's son, Vyvyan(!):
   The limerick packs laughs anatomical,
   Into space that is quite economical;
   But the good ones I've seen
   So seldom are clean,
   And the clean ones are so seldom comical.

I just composed this one along the same lines...

A good limerick's life has longevity,
Oft remembered because of its brevity.
In only five lines,
One usually dines
On a sumptuous serving of levity.

Here's hoping that mine often bring you laughter.

A milestone

Congratulations to the reader who viewed here at 10:50 am CST.  You were the 2,000th visitor!  (Sorry, there's no prize.) 

This site began on July 27, 2011 so it has existed for 106 days.  That's almost 19 visits per day, which pleases me greatly!  Still, I'd love to get 50+ hits daily so if you haven't already, please tell your friends about The Limericist.

Thanks to each of you who visits, whether regularly or occasionally.  As I posted earlier, as long as you keep reading 'em, I'll keep writing 'em!

335. Note worthy

A super soprano named Joyce,
Had a really magnificent voice.
Pieces done a cappella
Or sung with a fella
Made listeners say "Now that's choice!"

334. Lengthy discussion

A man with a two-footer, Venchant,
Had a very unusual penchant.
He could fuck his own bum
Or suck his own cum.
(Perhaps things I shouldn't have menchant.)

333. Education vs. Sanitation

There once was a dropout named Baird,
Who wondered how he would have fared
Had he finished up school
And been less of a fool.
(No one else on his garbage truck cared.)

331-332. Want cooze? Use booze.

I know a young woman named Moss,
Who's not easy to take for a toss.
Don't just ask her to fuck
(You'll be shit outta luck),
Ply with liquor and she'll come across.

For dinner, a cocksman named Barry,
Took out Mary and he didn't tarry.
Had four beers, got a buzz,
Took her home, fucked her fuzz.
You might say he ate, drank, and made Mary.

PD12-15. Four more from the canon

These can all be found in the definitive book, The Limerick by G. Legman. 
'PD' in the title indicates they are in the Public Domain.

There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her tits in Buckingham Palace.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too!"

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball.
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call...

330. Hydrophobic

There once was a maiden named Downing
Who had a foreboding of drowning.
When invited to swim
By her guy, she told him
"There's no way!"  Her response left him frowning.

329. Two Hung Low

An Irishman, Michael O'Kecktam,
Had balls that would stretch past his rectum.
He'd sneak into church,
Drop his trousers and perch
On the altar, where he'd genuflect 'em.
Pick any month from the archives on the right to read tons more!

328. Lame dick congressman

A lawmaker whose name was Bennett,
Screwed a female page from the Senate.
His manner of balling
Was rather appalling --
He finished in under a minute.